Help! What to ask from my wife?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Thank you all for your input. I agree with the advice that I am responsible for myself. I also agree that it is not unreasonable to have a frank but calm conversation. Finally, I agree that I should also look at things from her side.
We sat down and agreed the following:
1. I feel that I have a problem that I need to deal with. I am responsible for it, but as she is my wife, she loves me and wishes to find ways to support me.
2. We agreed that asking her to choose sobriety was too much to ask. We also agreed that this doesn't mean that we can't find a compromise. The compromise we arrived to was that she would be completely sober for 2 months. The idea is that this gives me time to gain momentum if you will without having her remind me of alcohol. Also, she agreed that if I have a lapse during this time, that she will not get upset at me.
3. After two months we agreed that if she decided to drink it would be outside of the house. There would be no alcohol at home.
I really, really want to thank those of you who urged to speak to my wife as if this was a normal issue in which we had different views (e.g. TV volume). I am so ashamed of my drinking that I felt that I had no right to ask my wife for support. She was shocked that I would think that. Shame is insidious.
Thanks.
KP
We sat down and agreed the following:
1. I feel that I have a problem that I need to deal with. I am responsible for it, but as she is my wife, she loves me and wishes to find ways to support me.
2. We agreed that asking her to choose sobriety was too much to ask. We also agreed that this doesn't mean that we can't find a compromise. The compromise we arrived to was that she would be completely sober for 2 months. The idea is that this gives me time to gain momentum if you will without having her remind me of alcohol. Also, she agreed that if I have a lapse during this time, that she will not get upset at me.
3. After two months we agreed that if she decided to drink it would be outside of the house. There would be no alcohol at home.
I really, really want to thank those of you who urged to speak to my wife as if this was a normal issue in which we had different views (e.g. TV volume). I am so ashamed of my drinking that I felt that I had no right to ask my wife for support. She was shocked that I would think that. Shame is insidious.
Thanks.
KP
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
KP, awesome that your sobriety time over the last 3 months has drastically improved from all the years that you have been drinking. Keep at it, and those days will continue to string together. You have the right attitude to have a goal of lifelong sobriety; it's the only way for people like us. :-) I have found great strength in using the AVRT technique for abstaining. I have tried AA in the past, but it just wasn't for me. I needed something more logical and tangible than what AA embraces. You seem to be of a like mind. Have you read anything about AVRT on the Rational Recovery website? It might help you with your AV and conquer the cravings. Again, I apologize for being so direct earlier, but it's all in the desire to help. You are always welcome to PM me if you wish. You can do this.... 
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