Finally Committed
 

Hello, all -

I don't believe I've posted for nearly a year and a half now. I didn't want to be that broken record of constant promises and failure.

Recently, I've realized that my once great life has seriously spiraled out of control. It's all of the textbook stuff: my finances, my relationships, my career, my fitness, my health, and my drive. I completely let the vodka take over my life. I can't say I ever aspired to be Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. I remember seeing it when it came out and thought, "That's crazy!" Well... I can look in the mirror and see that guy.

I am three days sober and truly committed to giving this up for good. I went on a major bender ending last week before my girlfriend came home from a business trip, and I was very sick. As you can imagine, we had a come to jesus talk the next day (she is sober).

I realized just how far I have let things go in all of those areas. How close to the bottom do I need to get before I change my ways?

I have been attending AA, and I plan to keep going. I plan on signing on with a CBT therapist as well. I have a friend that has done CBT therapy, and he has been sober for a year. Additionally, I need to stay away from temptations, isolation, and events that I will know will a trigger for me. Like all of you say, we need to focus on all of the positives sobriety brings. I know how important it is for me to start filling my free time with (and rediscovering) my hobbies.

I went cold turkey, and I think I am mostly of the woods. Luckily, my withdrawal this time was much easier than prior ones. I don't know why, because I was nearly up to 1L of sauce a day. I'm very thankful for that. Today is day three, and tomorrow I will not drink either.

Thank you for all of your stories and comments over the last year and a half. I haven't really posted, but I've been here reading. It is high time I take control of my life.

A wise man once said that the best way to get out of your hole is to stop digging.

My addictions took center stage when I lived in Lake Tahoe. The 24/7 party is just too easy there. The ready-friendships of lots of young people, the available drinking and gambling and drugs were too tempting for me. It was like constant Spring Break. I don't even ski, so no distractions! I didn't start my first sobriety until I had moved a thousand miles away from there.

That is really interesting. I really hit a downward spiral 2.5 years ago when I moved there, although I had been a problem drinker since my teens (I'm 37 now). I couldn't meet the type of people I wanted to meet, so I often just ran with the party crew by default. I actually live in Santa Barbara now, and I'm attending an AA group that I like.

I also found that it was way too easy too isolate. I liked drinking by myself the most, but all drinking was great. Until it wasn't. And yes, I also had a gambling addiction, which luckily, I really abandoned about two years ago. That one seemed relatively easy once I simply took a look at my finances.

Hi Powderline! Welcome to SR. The folks here are wise, understanding and supportive. There are many years of accumulated experience and sobriety. Please stay close to SR and post when you need a boost. Congrats on Day 3. That's awesome. :)

Welcome back!

Welcome back Powderline :)

sorry you've been struggling but it sounds like you have the makings of a good plan now :)

D

Welcome back, and it really sounds like you're ready to take this on. You have a good plan and it sounds like you're motivated. :)

Hey Powderline
Welcome back. I am a broken record of relapse...sobriety retread. Oh well. Sober today, 90 odd days...I'll take it.

Sounds like you know what to do and have a good plan :)

I lived in Truckee at one time and also went to UCSB. I just thought I'd add that ;)

Sobriety starts with making a firm decision to stop drinking.
You have done well with the making of that decision.
Find a good healthy moral Program and work it hard.
For your life and quality time spent with loved ones may depend on it?

Good luck,

Mountainmanbob

I also found that it was way too easy too isolate. I liked drinking by myself the most, but all drinking was great.

The George Thorogood song "I Drink Alone" describes this state very well.

I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
You know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself

Every morning just before breakfast
I don't want no coffee or tea
Just me and good buddy Weiser
That's all I ever need
'Cause I drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself

The other night I laid sleeping
And I woke from a terrible dream
So I caught up my pal Jack Daniel's
And his partner Jimmy Beam
And we drank alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know when I drink alone

I prefer to be by myself

The other day I got invited to a party
But I stayed home instead
Just me and my pal Johnny Walker
And his brothers Black and Red
And we drank alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself

My whole family done give up on me
And it makes me feel oh so bad
The only one who will hang out with me
Is my dear Old Grand-Dad
And we drink alone, yeah
With nobody else
Yeah, you know when I drink alone
I prefer to be by myself

I think George understands alcoholism.

At the end of my drinking career, it was common for me to start my day with a couple of Budweiser's to ease my hangover.

I'm thankful I don't drink like that anymore.

Thanks for all of the support, people. It means a lot. That's interesting about George. I had thought of that one yet. It's so true.

For sure isolation is a thing in Tahoe. It's like living on an island or out in rural America. Especially in winter, it's really an isolating place. Everyone is a transplant, not a lot of family stuff going on, lots of people running from something, or with addiction problems. I was working in the clubs and as a female I didn't have to buy a drink for the four years I lived there. Let's just say I took advantage of that little perk. Dangerous place.

Yes. I agree. All of my quality friends were near 50 and married. The people I could count on and enjoy. But at 37, I would have liked to have had a couple more around my age. And you're right; the male to female ratio is outrageous.

I had a very bad ski accident around the time I first posted here two years ago. It easily could have been my day. I thought to myself, "Ok... Going out doing something I love would be ok (unwanted though). But going out due to booze would be horrible."

Shortly thereafter, I was in the hospital again, because I found I had fluid on my abdomen. I got real dizzy and couldn't stand up. Ambulance came. Docs checked me out and the doctor sat me down and said, "You must stop drinking. Your liver and your pancreas hate you." I promised to do so... She gave me some Ativan. Of course after I ran out of Ativan after withdrawing, I went to a friend's place for his birthday. I thought one drink couldn't hurt. I did keep it to two and went home. However, you all know how the story goes... Two years later, I have finally decided enough is enough.

Hi Powderline

Today is day 4, and I am not drinking. I already feel a little better. I look a little less bloated, too, which is definitely a bonus.

Welcome to the Forum Powderline!! :)

Welcome back, powderline; you send ready and motivated - a good combination.

I'll tell you what, though. Lunch was real hard today. I'm in LA with my girlfriend for work, and I'm trying to stay busy instead of pulling out a bottle (which I have definitely not done). I went to one of my favorite raw seafood places for lunch. Normally, that would have been a two martini affair. I had to keep reminding myself that I already feel better mentally and physically. I must stay the path. That took all of the willpower I had. Whew... Back at the hotel!

I assure you that she would have not been pleased. It is good that there is someone to hold me accountable in person. She has been sober for a while now.