FraserKilmister

So i've been sober for 2 years now. Seeking ways to improve my life and ways of thinking is my goal. I'm now stuck in a pattern of boredom and frustration. Thanks for listening. Peace all.

fini

welcome, Fraser.
when that happened to me after a while sober, i went the "spiritual" route. which is a wide-open field, really.

what's your frustration about, you think? other than about being bored...

congratulations on your two years!

NestWasEmpty

Congrats on 2 years Fraser You found a great place for Inspiration to continue on your Sober journey . Welcome to SR . Fraser .
I just joined in this July with 2 years sober , best thing I ever did . Lost's of new things to learn !!

entropy1964

Hi Fraser welcome!
Two years is an awesome achievement. I can only share the things I've been doing and am planning to do. I try to stay very physically active mostly through yoga, running and hiking. So that's daily. I just signed up for several volunteer opps. One is a 10k race in our city this weekend...should be fun. The next is helping at the Mission which is a homeless shelter, another is helping to plan events for river conservation fundraisers, the last is event planning for the American cancer society fundraiser. I joined several meetup groups centered around Buddhism, meditation and recovery. Also a meetup for singles just to have fun doing different stuff around the city. So that's where I've started. I haven't attended anything yet but I'm hoping I'll get to work the 10k this weekend. And there's a meditation/dharma talk tomorrow night. I MUST go. My biggest challenge is I get complacent and I'm shy so it's hard. And I a mom so I hate to leave my daughter

sleepie

Hi Frasier! Congrats on 2 weeks!
Glad you are here with us.
Keep up the great work

keeppushing

Fraser,

Wow, congratulations on 2 years! I only manage 2 months before I stumble. Don't know if my experience is relevant, but here it goes.

I found out that what tears me apart isn't boredom, it is lack of fulfillment. Doing things for the sake of doing them is useful to me, but if I don't get fulfilment then I feel as if my life is empty and the only way I knew to fill that hole is with alcohol.

So whereas going to the gym feels good, distracts me and certainly helps with my mood it is not something that I find fulfilling. After trying lots of things, I found that writing for public reading was fulfilling. The shock for me is that for it to be fulfilling I have to make myself vulnerable which means there will sometimes be attacking feedback, usually a trigger to drink.

I haven't found an answer to the last bit yet, but if you're at 2 years it might not be an issue for you. I've seen different people find fulfillment in different ways, and I'm not just talking about alcoholics, pretty much every man I know who has hit 40 years of age has realised that what used to fulfill them no longer does and go search for something new. Just remember, a red convertible and a trophy wife are not the right choice

Good luck,

KP

Dee74

Hi and welcome Fraser

I know I felt that way for a while until I realised my life was still made for a drinking guy, not a sober one.

I had to get out and find new things to do and make new friends and find new challenges....still running that 'programme' today and I love my life and who I've become

what do you think your boredom and frustration comes from?

Soberwolf

Welcome Fraiser

CaseyW

Welcome to SR and congrats on 2 years, FraserKilmister.

Maybe you can alleviate the boredom by doing some volunteer work or picking up a new hobby that you've always wanted to try.

OpenTuning

That made me chuckle. I chose learning the guitar as my official midlife crisis activity. Can't begin to describe how much fun I've had with that. Even ended up in a band. Luckily I figured out quickly that I played worse drunk than sober, so that helped with the alcohol issue as well. Started completely from scratch at 48 years old, so it really is never too late to start up a new hobby.

DoubleDragons

Hi, Fraser. I will be 2 years sober next week. I actually found year 2 to be harder than Sober Year One, because year one was sort of new and titillating and having the different benchmarks all year long made it very self competitive and exhilarating. Year 2 it was like "old hat" to everyone else in my life that I no longer drank, and the newness of sobriety and the challenge of staying sober had worn off (thankfully, I guess). I think Year One is almost exciting and understandably, the prime focus of sober year one is just NOT drinking. Year Two was when real recovery started for me and I started really looking at my journaling and understanding myself and what makes me tick. That affected my relationships with people and it took a lot of getting used to for everyone concerned. I recently took on a new job that I am very excited about, revamped my health goals and I too, have made it a goal to work towards better friendships. In my journals, I noticed a theme that I kind of took on and focused for the year (not on purpose, but it just evolved that way). 2013 was achieving sobriety for me, 2014 was adjusting to my eldest son leaving the nest and helping him adjust, as well and 2015 has been about focusing on my codependent tendencies. Perhaps you need to pick a "theme" for yourself and run with it?? I am not Jewish, but I read that Yom Kippur is often looked at as a time of renewal, redemption and growth and change in the Jewish religion. It is kind of like a time to do New Year's resolutions. With people like us with drinking problems, perhaps this time of year makes more sense for us to make resolutions anyway, minus all of the drunken hoopla. Welcome to SR, btw!! You may want to join an anniversary group. I am a member of October 2013. These groups are helpful because we find that we are often feeling the same things and struggles in our sobriety and they are excellent support, hearing from people who completely understand, especially since you are further along in your sobriety than a lot of newcomers.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Fraser!!