Need a spot of advice; things are bad
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 1
Need a spot of advice; things are bad
Hi all.
I need a spot of advice, and I’ve been reading on this forum on and off for years, so I know I can get it here, if I can con anybody into reading this entire post.
First, a brief description of my dilemma, since though I’ve posted on here before (I was helpimalive; I just don’t remember my password or the email address I used), I doubt anyone remembers me because I never posted for much longer than a few weeks at a time:
I’m a 27-year-old white female with a college education. I grew up with severe social anxiety but did well in college because I got an English degree, and English degrees are easy. (In my defense, I thought at the time that I was getting that degree because I loved it, and not because I was lazy; hind sight it 20-20).
Right out of college I got a job working as a reporter in a newspaper, which was my dream and which I had worked for through college by forcing my way into a bunch of internships. What a great idea that was in principal: Someone with social anxiety wanting to be a reporter. Super.
It took four years, but my social anxiety and increasing alcohol consumption (as well as other personal flaws) put me in a position at that job where I knew I had to resign, or I would be fired for consistent poor performance. In January of this year I moved home to live with my mother, and start over.
Instead of starting over, I’m working now as a receptionist at my father’s law firm, and getting wasted all day every day. (Incidentally, my extended family is puzzled by how I managed to go from apparently successful young educated professional to cliché basement dweller in nine months. It really must like quite bizarre from the outside. But the joke’s on them, since I was always secretly a cliché basement dweller waiting to happen.)
I’ve had a problem with alcohol since college; I remember stuff like choosing not to go on Spring Break vacation so I could catch up on work alone in the quiet dorm, and instead spending nine days drunk and alone in the quiet dorm, and wondering what the hell I thought I was doing, but doing it anyway.
So I know I have a ton of flaws other than my longstanding alcohol problem, but in a lot of ways I feel like at this point I have to solve that problem first, right?
Now I’ve lost everything except my mother’s roof over my head. I lie, I isolate, I have high blood pressure, I weigh almost 200 lbs and I feel like I weigh almost 200 lbs, my family is quietly pissed but none of them are the kind of people who will confront me about it, or who would even be able to help me if they did. My sisters used to be my strong relationships, the good relationships I knew were always going to be okay, but I’ve done and said one too many stupid drunk things and now there is tension there, too.
I’ve lost all confidence or belief in myself, not that I had much to begin with; it’s just now, I don’t even believe that there’s some future version of me that’s better. I always used to believe that. I don’t even listen to my brain every morning anymore, when it goes on about how this has to stop, because I know nothing will come of those routine regrets. I can’t stop, and I can’t manage this.
I tried AA. I was sober except for three small-scale slips throughout both May and June, and for the first 46 days of those 60 days I was sober uninterrupted. Then I left AA because I decided I couldn’t finish Step 1 without going back out to drink more, because I didn’t believe deep down that I could never drink again.
Going back to drinking turned out pretty terribly. The last few months have been awful. But I still don’t believe in AA’s philosophies. I don’t think my problem is one of a lack of humility; I think maybe the least humble thought I can come up with about myself is, “Boy, I sure do have a lot of humility, don’t I?”
And I don’t even know if “alcoholic” is a real thing; the DSM would say I have “severe alcohol use disorder,” and that’s for damn sure. But I find it hard to commit to the wide-ranging and rather rigid belief system of AA, and if I can’t commit to it, I can’t *do* AA, because AA is all about honesty, right? So basically, I am shut out of AA as an option, as far as I can tell, because I cannot compel myself to believe in it. I’d love to believe in it, I just don’t. I think it works for people because they believe that it will, and I don’t.
But there are so few other options for someone like me: Someone who’s abuse has gotten this bad and gone on this long. I know I’ve probably only graduated in the last year or so to the kind of alcoholic who dies of cirrhosis eventually, or maybe ends up with wet brain, but I’m there now. I mean, I don't have a small problem.
What I want to do is:
--A non-12-step inpatient rehab, in the city where I live, so I can maybe keep up with people I meet
--Followed by outpatient rehab, and living in a sober home for a while maybe, if I can find a good one, and trying to make friends both in outpatient and in the sober home
--A job, once I’m out of rehab, delivering pizzas or something equally low-responsibility, but which will get me out of my father’s law firm
--Once out of rehab, I’ll also try to take up running and healthy eating, and take a short list of supplements I’ve read can be helpful with cutting cravings and restoring the body after addiction
--With continuing therapy (maybe cognitive behavioral therapy? This needs more research) as soon as I get out of reha
--Antidepressants
--Naltrexone, that potentially craving-cutting drug
--Antabuse, too, if I can get my doctor to give me everything I want
BUT I can’t start with any of that until at least mid-November, because I don’t have the money for any health insurance except Obamacare, and there’s no enrollment period for that until November, and then once I have insurance I still have to set all this up.
So five questions:
1) How can I manage things until mid-November, when everything is this messed up?
2) Should I try being more honest and open with my 22-year-old sister about the fact that I have a problem, I’ve settled on the next solution to try, but I maybe need her help since I have no one else to help me keep it more or less together until mid-November?
3) How do you use help from a person who wants to help but has no idea about addiction? Is that even a real thing, “help” from someone like that?
4) How do I use this website to help me stay sober? Like, I know people have used this as a tool, and I’ve tried that, but I don’t get it.
5) Is my plan of attack that I’ve devised for the moment a good plan? Is there a better plan? Have I missed some obvious thing I ought to have done to try and fix this?
Bonus question/plea: Please tell me it’s going to be okay. I really think I might just live and die like this.
I need a spot of advice, and I’ve been reading on this forum on and off for years, so I know I can get it here, if I can con anybody into reading this entire post.
First, a brief description of my dilemma, since though I’ve posted on here before (I was helpimalive; I just don’t remember my password or the email address I used), I doubt anyone remembers me because I never posted for much longer than a few weeks at a time:
I’m a 27-year-old white female with a college education. I grew up with severe social anxiety but did well in college because I got an English degree, and English degrees are easy. (In my defense, I thought at the time that I was getting that degree because I loved it, and not because I was lazy; hind sight it 20-20).
Right out of college I got a job working as a reporter in a newspaper, which was my dream and which I had worked for through college by forcing my way into a bunch of internships. What a great idea that was in principal: Someone with social anxiety wanting to be a reporter. Super.
It took four years, but my social anxiety and increasing alcohol consumption (as well as other personal flaws) put me in a position at that job where I knew I had to resign, or I would be fired for consistent poor performance. In January of this year I moved home to live with my mother, and start over.
Instead of starting over, I’m working now as a receptionist at my father’s law firm, and getting wasted all day every day. (Incidentally, my extended family is puzzled by how I managed to go from apparently successful young educated professional to cliché basement dweller in nine months. It really must like quite bizarre from the outside. But the joke’s on them, since I was always secretly a cliché basement dweller waiting to happen.)
I’ve had a problem with alcohol since college; I remember stuff like choosing not to go on Spring Break vacation so I could catch up on work alone in the quiet dorm, and instead spending nine days drunk and alone in the quiet dorm, and wondering what the hell I thought I was doing, but doing it anyway.
So I know I have a ton of flaws other than my longstanding alcohol problem, but in a lot of ways I feel like at this point I have to solve that problem first, right?
Now I’ve lost everything except my mother’s roof over my head. I lie, I isolate, I have high blood pressure, I weigh almost 200 lbs and I feel like I weigh almost 200 lbs, my family is quietly pissed but none of them are the kind of people who will confront me about it, or who would even be able to help me if they did. My sisters used to be my strong relationships, the good relationships I knew were always going to be okay, but I’ve done and said one too many stupid drunk things and now there is tension there, too.
I’ve lost all confidence or belief in myself, not that I had much to begin with; it’s just now, I don’t even believe that there’s some future version of me that’s better. I always used to believe that. I don’t even listen to my brain every morning anymore, when it goes on about how this has to stop, because I know nothing will come of those routine regrets. I can’t stop, and I can’t manage this.
I tried AA. I was sober except for three small-scale slips throughout both May and June, and for the first 46 days of those 60 days I was sober uninterrupted. Then I left AA because I decided I couldn’t finish Step 1 without going back out to drink more, because I didn’t believe deep down that I could never drink again.
Going back to drinking turned out pretty terribly. The last few months have been awful. But I still don’t believe in AA’s philosophies. I don’t think my problem is one of a lack of humility; I think maybe the least humble thought I can come up with about myself is, “Boy, I sure do have a lot of humility, don’t I?”
And I don’t even know if “alcoholic” is a real thing; the DSM would say I have “severe alcohol use disorder,” and that’s for damn sure. But I find it hard to commit to the wide-ranging and rather rigid belief system of AA, and if I can’t commit to it, I can’t *do* AA, because AA is all about honesty, right? So basically, I am shut out of AA as an option, as far as I can tell, because I cannot compel myself to believe in it. I’d love to believe in it, I just don’t. I think it works for people because they believe that it will, and I don’t.
But there are so few other options for someone like me: Someone who’s abuse has gotten this bad and gone on this long. I know I’ve probably only graduated in the last year or so to the kind of alcoholic who dies of cirrhosis eventually, or maybe ends up with wet brain, but I’m there now. I mean, I don't have a small problem.
What I want to do is:
--A non-12-step inpatient rehab, in the city where I live, so I can maybe keep up with people I meet
--Followed by outpatient rehab, and living in a sober home for a while maybe, if I can find a good one, and trying to make friends both in outpatient and in the sober home
--A job, once I’m out of rehab, delivering pizzas or something equally low-responsibility, but which will get me out of my father’s law firm
--Once out of rehab, I’ll also try to take up running and healthy eating, and take a short list of supplements I’ve read can be helpful with cutting cravings and restoring the body after addiction
--With continuing therapy (maybe cognitive behavioral therapy? This needs more research) as soon as I get out of reha
--Antidepressants
--Naltrexone, that potentially craving-cutting drug
--Antabuse, too, if I can get my doctor to give me everything I want
BUT I can’t start with any of that until at least mid-November, because I don’t have the money for any health insurance except Obamacare, and there’s no enrollment period for that until November, and then once I have insurance I still have to set all this up.
So five questions:
1) How can I manage things until mid-November, when everything is this messed up?
2) Should I try being more honest and open with my 22-year-old sister about the fact that I have a problem, I’ve settled on the next solution to try, but I maybe need her help since I have no one else to help me keep it more or less together until mid-November?
3) How do you use help from a person who wants to help but has no idea about addiction? Is that even a real thing, “help” from someone like that?
4) How do I use this website to help me stay sober? Like, I know people have used this as a tool, and I’ve tried that, but I don’t get it.
5) Is my plan of attack that I’ve devised for the moment a good plan? Is there a better plan? Have I missed some obvious thing I ought to have done to try and fix this?
Bonus question/plea: Please tell me it’s going to be okay. I really think I might just live and die like this.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Welcome, Helpimalive2!
I'm not quite sure how to respond succinctly to your lengthy post. It sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to do yet my impression is that you are blocking help by answering your own questions with reasons why you can't do x,y, and z. I hope some other members here will have some useful suggestions for you.
I'm not quite sure how to respond succinctly to your lengthy post. It sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to do yet my impression is that you are blocking help by answering your own questions with reasons why you can't do x,y, and z. I hope some other members here will have some useful suggestions for you.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome back Helpimalive!! 
SR is a place of support, so you don't have to worry about lengthy posts, there's plenty of us that want to help!!
The goal is Sobriety and for me whatever methods work then go for it with regards your sister, however sometimes having those who have been there and got the T-Shirt can offer much more than support, but wisdom and advice on this particular journey.
For me it was all about not being isolated, I started to plan daily checkins during my day to log onto SR, morning, lunchtime, coming home from work, before bedtime, this was important as in isolation my mind could convince me of anything without a second opinion on things, instead I needed something outside of myself to almost short circuit my own thought processes.
Lastly you can definitely beat this, you can draw a line under alcohol, there are no inevitables in any of this, there are choices and there are decisions, you can write the next chapter to your life, a happier one, a chapter that doesn't have alcohol in it as the lead character!!
You can do this!!
SR is a place of support, so you don't have to worry about lengthy posts, there's plenty of us that want to help!!
The goal is Sobriety and for me whatever methods work then go for it with regards your sister, however sometimes having those who have been there and got the T-Shirt can offer much more than support, but wisdom and advice on this particular journey.
For me it was all about not being isolated, I started to plan daily checkins during my day to log onto SR, morning, lunchtime, coming home from work, before bedtime, this was important as in isolation my mind could convince me of anything without a second opinion on things, instead I needed something outside of myself to almost short circuit my own thought processes.
Lastly you can definitely beat this, you can draw a line under alcohol, there are no inevitables in any of this, there are choices and there are decisions, you can write the next chapter to your life, a happier one, a chapter that doesn't have alcohol in it as the lead character!!
You can do this!!
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
step one is conceding to our innermost selves that we can't manage our lives, not that we can't drink again......
if you returned to AA and got a sponsor, work past step 7.....
there are other methods, too!
You can stay stopped!!!!
if you returned to AA and got a sponsor, work past step 7.....
there are other methods, too!
You can stay stopped!!!!
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by helpimalive2 
.
So five questions:
1) How can I manage things until mid-November, when everything is this messed up?
2) Should I try being more honest and open with my 22-year-old sister about the fact that I have a problem, I’ve settled on the next solution to try, but I maybe need her help since I have no one else to help me keep it more or less together until mid-November?
3) How do you use help from a person who wants to help but has no idea about addiction? Is that even a real thing, “help” from someone like that?
4) How do I use this website to help me stay sober? Like, I know people have used this as a tool, and I’ve tried that, but I don’t get it.
5) Is my plan of attack that I’ve devised for the moment a good plan? Is there a better plan? Have I missed some obvious thing I ought to have done to try and fix this?
Bonus question/plea: Please tell me it’s going to be okay. I really think I might just live and die like this.
So five questions:
1) How can I manage things until mid-November, when everything is this messed up?
2) Should I try being more honest and open with my 22-year-old sister about the fact that I have a problem, I’ve settled on the next solution to try, but I maybe need her help since I have no one else to help me keep it more or less together until mid-November?
3) How do you use help from a person who wants to help but has no idea about addiction? Is that even a real thing, “help” from someone like that?
4) How do I use this website to help me stay sober? Like, I know people have used this as a tool, and I’ve tried that, but I don’t get it.
5) Is my plan of attack that I’ve devised for the moment a good plan? Is there a better plan? Have I missed some obvious thing I ought to have done to try and fix this?
Bonus question/plea: Please tell me it’s going to be okay. I really think I might just live and die like this.
1. You could do a lot of things between now and november without insurance. AA or some other form of meeting based recover is free and there are many options to pursue. You might even check into free or reduced cost rehab/detox options in your area. I deal with anxiety too and practicing Mindfulness/Meditation helps me a lot. I had to stop drinking first though.
2. Being honest is always a good idea, especially with yourself. If you feel your sister can be of assistance then definitely let her know that you need help.
3. It's difficult for those around us to understand, but simple things like going with to open meetings, conversations an openness can help.
4. on SR specifically, try joining one of the class threads or weekly/monthly threads in the newcomers section. Basically, you just join in on the conversation any way you might like. You'll get to know the people and learn about tools to help you in this new adventure called sobriety.
5. Try anything and everything you can and have an open mind. No one plan fits all...you will need to find what works for you. There will be trial and error too...so don't get discouraged and keep an open mind.
Bonus: It will be OK if you put your all into this. Sobriety is attainable for anyone who wants it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi helpimalive, based on your OP, you have a clear grasp on what's happening and how you got there, but now do not know how to "reverse" it. For me personally, I see a lot of can't and don't in your post. That needs to be addressed. Also, you went 46 days, so you know it can be done. I don't know if that helps, but that's what I see. I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
I can understand your hesitation with subscribing whole heartedly to AA' s program. You may still be able to benefit from open meetings just as a place to be surrounded by kind people also battling with alcohol. You can set boundaries there, you don't have to do anything you don't want to.
I started going just for the fellowship, and I'm slowly starting to try to understand how to work the steps in a way that feels genuine.
You can also listen on you tube to recordings of AA speakers who tell their story. I just listened to Kip C.'s story, it's incredibly moving. Give it a Google. And best of luck to you, please stick around and keep posting.
I started going just for the fellowship, and I'm slowly starting to try to understand how to work the steps in a way that feels genuine.
You can also listen on you tube to recordings of AA speakers who tell their story. I just listened to Kip C.'s story, it's incredibly moving. Give it a Google. And best of luck to you, please stick around and keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi there and welcome back.
Soooo, I am feeling like you are making this very complicated and complex for yourself. Simplify.
1. Detox-there are free or low cost detox facilities pretty much everywhere. Google them. Call them and find out the process for getting in. I went to a group called Idaho Hope (obviously only in Idaho....but if this RED, conservative, not so big on social programs, state has this I would think most states do). They referred me to Allumbough house where I detoxed for free. Not fancy but pretty darn good for free. They had counselors who helped me develop a 'plan' for when I got out.
That's it. The 2-5 you can work on one day at a time. AA is not necessary (I don't attend) if you don't feel its a fit. There is Rational Recovery, Smart Recovery, Life Ring, individual therapy, IOP, addiction groups in churches and community centers, hospitals. Lots of options. But its hard to see the trees through the forest (or is it forest through the trees?) when you are so distraught.
And hey! I was an English Major....sheesh. Ok you're right, it was easy. But that was 1983.......still got a job in tech. Ha! Ok yeah, that would never happen now. I like to think it was just easy 'for me'....yeah that's it.
Hang in there. One right thing at a time. If you're wanting a healthy lifestyle change, that also supports recovery (mindfullness, mind body connection), try yoga. There are all levels so ya don't have to be all fit and buff.
Soooo, I am feeling like you are making this very complicated and complex for yourself. Simplify.
1. Detox-there are free or low cost detox facilities pretty much everywhere. Google them. Call them and find out the process for getting in. I went to a group called Idaho Hope (obviously only in Idaho....but if this RED, conservative, not so big on social programs, state has this I would think most states do). They referred me to Allumbough house where I detoxed for free. Not fancy but pretty darn good for free. They had counselors who helped me develop a 'plan' for when I got out.
That's it. The 2-5 you can work on one day at a time. AA is not necessary (I don't attend) if you don't feel its a fit. There is Rational Recovery, Smart Recovery, Life Ring, individual therapy, IOP, addiction groups in churches and community centers, hospitals. Lots of options. But its hard to see the trees through the forest (or is it forest through the trees?) when you are so distraught.
And hey! I was an English Major....sheesh. Ok you're right, it was easy. But that was 1983.......still got a job in tech. Ha! Ok yeah, that would never happen now. I like to think it was just easy 'for me'....yeah that's it.
Hang in there. One right thing at a time. If you're wanting a healthy lifestyle change, that also supports recovery (mindfullness, mind body connection), try yoga. There are all levels so ya don't have to be all fit and buff.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
I remember that username. I am going to start with the bonus question.
Please tell me it’s going to be okay. I really think I might just live and die like this. The day I quit my mind flipped from "It's not that big of a deal but I must keep drinking" to "This is a huge problem and I don't have to keep doing this." It's one of the ways it alters our perception. It convinces us we are stuck right were we are. So not true. It doesn't have to end like that. You site a lack of confidence. That's a trick your mind plays on you too. You have what it takes, you may need help but you can pull this off. Throw everything you can at this and make the commitment that you will do whatever you have to so this is behind you.
I have been using SR. There is enough support and insight on here for me. I will warn you though, I am one of those people who have been as obsessed with recovery as I was with drinking.
If the term alcoholic trips you up don't use it. I consider it slang for "I can't stop once I start." Just understand that your brain will always react that way and there is no reset button on that one.
Please tell me it’s going to be okay. I really think I might just live and die like this. The day I quit my mind flipped from "It's not that big of a deal but I must keep drinking" to "This is a huge problem and I don't have to keep doing this." It's one of the ways it alters our perception. It convinces us we are stuck right were we are. So not true. It doesn't have to end like that. You site a lack of confidence. That's a trick your mind plays on you too. You have what it takes, you may need help but you can pull this off. Throw everything you can at this and make the commitment that you will do whatever you have to so this is behind you.
I have been using SR. There is enough support and insight on here for me. I will warn you though, I am one of those people who have been as obsessed with recovery as I was with drinking.
If the term alcoholic trips you up don't use it. I consider it slang for "I can't stop once I start." Just understand that your brain will always react that way and there is no reset button on that one.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Hi there, and welcome
I'm gonna be fairly blunt here. It sounds like you're waiting for everything to be perfect before you'll commit to quitting. I did it myself every day, for years, so I understand. (But if you get the shakes or other bad withdrawals then yes, you should see a doctor).
You don't have to believe in the things AA groups say; just commit to not drinking - really it's just a bunch of people in the same situation as you, who don't necessarily believe that stuff either. It's a life-raft that they're clinging to in order to save their lives. And they'll help you climb on too. But that's up to you. It's not for everyone.
You're gonna have to be brave, and stop. Admit that you can't have just one, and work on it every day. Incorporate every little bit of advice you get from here into your recovery and see which ones work for you. It's hard, but so worth it.
We're always here for you
I'm gonna be fairly blunt here. It sounds like you're waiting for everything to be perfect before you'll commit to quitting. I did it myself every day, for years, so I understand. (But if you get the shakes or other bad withdrawals then yes, you should see a doctor).
You don't have to believe in the things AA groups say; just commit to not drinking - really it's just a bunch of people in the same situation as you, who don't necessarily believe that stuff either. It's a life-raft that they're clinging to in order to save their lives. And they'll help you climb on too. But that's up to you. It's not for everyone.
You're gonna have to be brave, and stop. Admit that you can't have just one, and work on it every day. Incorporate every little bit of advice you get from here into your recovery and see which ones work for you. It's hard, but so worth it.
We're always here for you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome....
it sounds to me like you're in a real pickle;
You want the benefits of change, but you're not willing to do the work that goes with it.
You want to be free of this awful burden that has gotten you to such a low - yet you want to question it altogether.
You want "help", but you want to define what help you'll accept on what terms.
I'm going to give you a cut-to-the-chase perspective here;
From what you've written and shared, it seems to me you'd be well off to set down your pride, set down your rationale (it's YOUR rationale that got you here, thus far), set down your objections and get really simple about this.
1) Make a firm decision to embrace sobriety
2) Surround yourself with support for that decision (Including AA, SR and anything else you can get yourself RIGHT NOW without conditions or objections).
3) Resolve to stop looking for reasons those things won't work, and instead see what you can learn from them.
4) Be honest with those closest to you - acknowledge that alcohol is a problem for you and that interwoven with it are a number of things that you'd like to work on.
5) Look into qualified therapy / counseling to help you with those other things.
6) If rehab is an option, great. Go for it. But don't go into it with "conditions" any more than you go into AA or this forum with conditions.
You're on a boat, in a raging sea, ten thousand miles from any shore, you can't swim, and the boat is on fire......
And to your rescuers you're shouting "I'll only come with you if you meet MY demands".
it sounds to me like you're in a real pickle;
You want the benefits of change, but you're not willing to do the work that goes with it.
You want to be free of this awful burden that has gotten you to such a low - yet you want to question it altogether.
You want "help", but you want to define what help you'll accept on what terms.
I'm going to give you a cut-to-the-chase perspective here;
From what you've written and shared, it seems to me you'd be well off to set down your pride, set down your rationale (it's YOUR rationale that got you here, thus far), set down your objections and get really simple about this.
1) Make a firm decision to embrace sobriety
2) Surround yourself with support for that decision (Including AA, SR and anything else you can get yourself RIGHT NOW without conditions or objections).
3) Resolve to stop looking for reasons those things won't work, and instead see what you can learn from them.
4) Be honest with those closest to you - acknowledge that alcohol is a problem for you and that interwoven with it are a number of things that you'd like to work on.
5) Look into qualified therapy / counseling to help you with those other things.
6) If rehab is an option, great. Go for it. But don't go into it with "conditions" any more than you go into AA or this forum with conditions.
You're on a boat, in a raging sea, ten thousand miles from any shore, you can't swim, and the boat is on fire......
And to your rescuers you're shouting "I'll only come with you if you meet MY demands".
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi and welcome helpimalive2
the fundamental rule for when you're in a hole is... stop digging
Alcoholic or not, your drinking is clearly making you unhappy, it's got you in a rut and it's causing you problems, not the least of which are the repeated hits you're taking to your self esteem.
Don't worry about the label for now. Attack the problem.
Not drinking is not impossible - you just need a good plan and faith that trying something different will lead to different results
There's been some good advice above already on what you might do - I'll just add - throw yourself into this community. SR saved my life - literally as well as figuratively.
Coming here was my turning point. I hope you can make it yours too
Check out our Class of September support thread:
It's a great place to start and all you need to join is post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-6.html
D
the fundamental rule for when you're in a hole is... stop digging
Alcoholic or not, your drinking is clearly making you unhappy, it's got you in a rut and it's causing you problems, not the least of which are the repeated hits you're taking to your self esteem.
Don't worry about the label for now. Attack the problem.
Not drinking is not impossible - you just need a good plan and faith that trying something different will lead to different results
There's been some good advice above already on what you might do - I'll just add - throw yourself into this community. SR saved my life - literally as well as figuratively.
Coming here was my turning point. I hope you can make it yours too
Check out our Class of September support thread:
It's a great place to start and all you need to join is post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-6.html
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
I could not solve the problem with the same thinking that got me into the problem.
I liked you use to over analyse everything about all aspects of recovery in fact I could write a book on recovery yet could not stay sober.. For me the big difference now is Actions!!
Good luck
I liked you use to over analyse everything about all aspects of recovery in fact I could write a book on recovery yet could not stay sober.. For me the big difference now is Actions!!
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Welcome! Fellow English-major and also former newspaper reporter here!
I'm also a former rehab patient (I did inpatient) and I am not much for AA or 12-steps. Been sober 3+ years and have since moved to a new country, got a new job, lost weight and got healthy.
First, I encourage you to try and not map all that stuff out so much. You've got a huge list of things you want to do - it looks like a mountain and probably feels like a mountain. Start with just one item on the to-do list, and then make another. For example, do you know that sometimes you need to get on a waiting list to get into a rehab facility? And have an assessment done first? I thought I could kinda just waltz on in whenever I was ready and then realized I needed to take care of a few things first. So maybe start checking around - where is a close rehab? What are their requirements? I found a local university hospital clinic had one, and I jumped at the chance. It was kinda 12-steppy but...so what. Can't be too picky, especially if the price is right, etc. I didn't even attempt to get on anti-anxiety meds for a year after I got out of rehab, as I needed to figure out how my sober body would react...so maybe lay low on the drug plans for now.
In short, keep it simple. It won't be long before you're leading the life you want to live - but it will serve you well to keep your goals realistic and manageable. One step at a time, you'll get there! And keep posting here, too. Welcome aboard.
I'm also a former rehab patient (I did inpatient) and I am not much for AA or 12-steps. Been sober 3+ years and have since moved to a new country, got a new job, lost weight and got healthy.
First, I encourage you to try and not map all that stuff out so much. You've got a huge list of things you want to do - it looks like a mountain and probably feels like a mountain. Start with just one item on the to-do list, and then make another. For example, do you know that sometimes you need to get on a waiting list to get into a rehab facility? And have an assessment done first? I thought I could kinda just waltz on in whenever I was ready and then realized I needed to take care of a few things first. So maybe start checking around - where is a close rehab? What are their requirements? I found a local university hospital clinic had one, and I jumped at the chance. It was kinda 12-steppy but...so what. Can't be too picky, especially if the price is right, etc. I didn't even attempt to get on anti-anxiety meds for a year after I got out of rehab, as I needed to figure out how my sober body would react...so maybe lay low on the drug plans for now.
In short, keep it simple. It won't be long before you're leading the life you want to live - but it will serve you well to keep your goals realistic and manageable. One step at a time, you'll get there! And keep posting here, too. Welcome aboard.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
It's great that you're putting so much thought into getting out of the trap you feel you're in.
First, absolutely you can get your life onto a better track. I do agree with others that you seem to be making things a bit more complicated than they need to be in terms of steps to sobriety. Some great ideas there, but look like a lot of different hoops set up for you to jump through before getting started.
If AA isn't for you, have you read about AVRT? There's a free online crash course you can take (just google that) that might give you some of the tools to try quitting right away . And/or you could download or get a copy of Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Drinking book which might help shake your way of looking at what alcohol actually is and what it does. They helped me. Wouldn't need to be instead of those other steps you talked about, but something you could try right away.
Whatever approach you go for, stopping drinking can only bring positives to your life. Alcohol is clearly doing nothing good for you, and a lot of harm. I really hope you can find the path to sobriety that works for you.
First, absolutely you can get your life onto a better track. I do agree with others that you seem to be making things a bit more complicated than they need to be in terms of steps to sobriety. Some great ideas there, but look like a lot of different hoops set up for you to jump through before getting started.
If AA isn't for you, have you read about AVRT? There's a free online crash course you can take (just google that) that might give you some of the tools to try quitting right away . And/or you could download or get a copy of Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Drinking book which might help shake your way of looking at what alcohol actually is and what it does. They helped me. Wouldn't need to be instead of those other steps you talked about, but something you could try right away.
Whatever approach you go for, stopping drinking can only bring positives to your life. Alcohol is clearly doing nothing good for you, and a lot of harm. I really hope you can find the path to sobriety that works for you.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Originally Posted by Upwardspiral
I can understand your hesitation with subscribing whole heartedly to AA' s program. You may still be able to benefit from open meetings just as a place to be surrounded by kind people also battling with alcohol. You can set boundaries there, you don't have to do anything you don't want to.
I started going just for the fellowship, and I'm slowly starting to try to understand how to work the steps in a way that feels genuine.
You can also listen on you tube to recordings of AA speakers who tell their story. I just listened to Kip C.'s story, it's incredibly moving. Give it a Google. And best of luck to you, please stick around and keep posting.
I started going just for the fellowship, and I'm slowly starting to try to understand how to work the steps in a way that feels genuine.
You can also listen on you tube to recordings of AA speakers who tell their story. I just listened to Kip C.'s story, it's incredibly moving. Give it a Google. And best of luck to you, please stick around and keep posting.
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