Thoughts evoked by a wedding in Scotland...
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Thoughts evoked by a wedding in Scotland...
Soon I'll head off to Scotland for a wedding.
For over a week I've had these thoughts.... "everyone will be drinking scotch and beer"... "A wedding toast needs alcohol".... "Maybe just while I'm there.... maybe just one ceremonial drink".... "Perhaps now that I'm almost two years sober, I can have a drink at special occasions to be like everyone else"....
Last night I had a dream that I'd had a big glass of scotch at the wedding... in the dream, and upon waking, I was horrified. I'd thrown away almost two years of sobriety so that I could be like everyone else... even though I'm NOT like everyone else. NOBODY is like everyone else.
I know that I will go to Scotland and I will make a toast and it will be wonderful. It will be unlike that last time I recall making a toast at a wedding.... the whole place looking at me oddly, as though at a madman... because I was too drunk to make any sense..... also too drunk to be embarrassed by my own nonsense. This time, I will offer a sincere and clear-headed toast. It will be meaningful and heartful and good. And I'll offer it over a glass of wonderful Scottish water. And I'll experience the event, the journey, the whole wonderful scene without the haze of alcohol. I'll return from that island without a shred of shame, with a good and meaningful memory with family.
I know that I will not drink, because I value this life I've found in sobriety far more than I value a glass of Scotch - and certainly far more than I value waking up after seventeen glasses of scotch with a raging headache and tasting of vomit.
Yet still... there it is. Thoughts and drinking dreams and the need to share about this silly alcoholic thinking.
I offer this as therapy. I offer this as relief. I offer this in seek of support and I offer it as an affirmation to myself.
And also, I offer this to each of you - because you should know that you can have these thoughts and still choose sobriety. You should know that maybe they never go away - but they don't have to control you. You should know that this may not always happen - but sometimes it does.
And you should know that someone who is living these thoughts right this moment STILL believes with all his heart that riding these thoughts out and remaining committed to sobriety is the far more rewarding and joyful path.
#soberliferocks
For over a week I've had these thoughts.... "everyone will be drinking scotch and beer"... "A wedding toast needs alcohol".... "Maybe just while I'm there.... maybe just one ceremonial drink".... "Perhaps now that I'm almost two years sober, I can have a drink at special occasions to be like everyone else"....
Last night I had a dream that I'd had a big glass of scotch at the wedding... in the dream, and upon waking, I was horrified. I'd thrown away almost two years of sobriety so that I could be like everyone else... even though I'm NOT like everyone else. NOBODY is like everyone else.
I know that I will go to Scotland and I will make a toast and it will be wonderful. It will be unlike that last time I recall making a toast at a wedding.... the whole place looking at me oddly, as though at a madman... because I was too drunk to make any sense..... also too drunk to be embarrassed by my own nonsense. This time, I will offer a sincere and clear-headed toast. It will be meaningful and heartful and good. And I'll offer it over a glass of wonderful Scottish water. And I'll experience the event, the journey, the whole wonderful scene without the haze of alcohol. I'll return from that island without a shred of shame, with a good and meaningful memory with family.
I know that I will not drink, because I value this life I've found in sobriety far more than I value a glass of Scotch - and certainly far more than I value waking up after seventeen glasses of scotch with a raging headache and tasting of vomit.
Yet still... there it is. Thoughts and drinking dreams and the need to share about this silly alcoholic thinking.
I offer this as therapy. I offer this as relief. I offer this in seek of support and I offer it as an affirmation to myself.
And also, I offer this to each of you - because you should know that you can have these thoughts and still choose sobriety. You should know that maybe they never go away - but they don't have to control you. You should know that this may not always happen - but sometimes it does.
And you should know that someone who is living these thoughts right this moment STILL believes with all his heart that riding these thoughts out and remaining committed to sobriety is the far more rewarding and joyful path.
#soberliferocks
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I like that FO... "I am more and more OK not being like everyone else with each passing day."
I feel the same way. Great post, insight and resolve you have on this trip. These thoughts don't have to control us.
Good job.
I feel the same way. Great post, insight and resolve you have on this trip. These thoughts don't have to control us.
Good job.
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on a phone call for work just now, I mentioned I'll be away next week at a wedding in Scotland.
My colleague (from Italy, living in Ireland) said immediately "OH!!! Well, you know to prepare for a drunken disaster!! Weddings in Scotland are nothing but drinking.... and the BEER!! It is all 8% or more....".
I said "well, I don't drink these days, but I do remember that about Scotland".
To which he replied "Yes, well in Scotland... beer is not drinking. That is just their water".
Maybe I should bring a case of Pellegrino with me.....
My colleague (from Italy, living in Ireland) said immediately "OH!!! Well, you know to prepare for a drunken disaster!! Weddings in Scotland are nothing but drinking.... and the BEER!! It is all 8% or more....".
I said "well, I don't drink these days, but I do remember that about Scotland".
To which he replied "Yes, well in Scotland... beer is not drinking. That is just their water".
Maybe I should bring a case of Pellegrino with me.....
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Originally Posted by soberwolf 
I am Scottish and I think youl be fine are you going to any AA mtns in Scotland
Not sure. I'll see if there are any on the Isle of Skye where I'm going. It's always good to know the options in case I feel like hitting one!
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Ah, weddings.
I think weddings -- and the social flurry that surrounds them -- have to be among the most-cited challenge for us.
Being more and more OK with not being like others, as you note, serves us so well. I was at the wedding of one of my closest friends over the weekend. Not even a hint of a craving. If anything, I felt a sense of inner peace that I didn't have bombs going off in my head, as I would have if I was stuck only being able to have a polite two -- maybe three -- drinks the way everyone else did. Two or three for me used to be torturous; my brain wanted more.
As it was, I reserved a hotel apart from where many in our group were staying. It proved unnecessary but I was still glad to have an "away" place from all the hullabaloo. (I think that is also a good choice for anyone in recovery, especially early recovery, when facing an event like a wedding.) This was a group for whom there are big drinking associations for me; the bride and three of the guests at this small gathering and I all lived together in college and we continue to reunite every year or two.
It sounds like you've done some great mental preparation, FO, self-affirmation. Thank you for sharing these insights on dealing with a situation that takes us outside our sober comfort zone.
And can I just say I'm green with envy that you get to visit Scotland? I was there many years ago and a return there remain high on my long bucket list. Have a wonderful time, Laddie!
I think weddings -- and the social flurry that surrounds them -- have to be among the most-cited challenge for us.
Being more and more OK with not being like others, as you note, serves us so well. I was at the wedding of one of my closest friends over the weekend. Not even a hint of a craving. If anything, I felt a sense of inner peace that I didn't have bombs going off in my head, as I would have if I was stuck only being able to have a polite two -- maybe three -- drinks the way everyone else did. Two or three for me used to be torturous; my brain wanted more.
As it was, I reserved a hotel apart from where many in our group were staying. It proved unnecessary but I was still glad to have an "away" place from all the hullabaloo. (I think that is also a good choice for anyone in recovery, especially early recovery, when facing an event like a wedding.) This was a group for whom there are big drinking associations for me; the bride and three of the guests at this small gathering and I all lived together in college and we continue to reunite every year or two.
It sounds like you've done some great mental preparation, FO, self-affirmation. Thank you for sharing these insights on dealing with a situation that takes us outside our sober comfort zone.
And can I just say I'm green with envy that you get to visit Scotland? I was there many years ago and a return there remain high on my long bucket list. Have a wonderful time, Laddie!
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Isle of Skye I've done camping there
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