NickOz21

Hello,

I don't identify as an alcoholic - but I do have a history of binge drinking and going too far.

I've never been the type to drink daily, for the most part, I was a heavy drinker - but more than once I got drunk and woke up with a nasty hang over.

A big part of my bond with my girlfriend was that we drank together. She was my 'drinking buddy' to start with. After about 18 months I proposed, she accepted.

Then, 40 days into my sobriety we broke off the engagement.

I miss drinking.

I miss our connection.

I feel bored and alone being sober.

Can I go back to drinking socially like we used to?

Soberwolf

It's every drinkers dream to be able to drink normally before admitting a problem

Have you heard of kindling going back does something very bad to us physically & I ain't going bk there I'm over 2 years sober (26 months) but i have fire burn scars to remind just how darn lucky I am to be still alive..... what are you going to risk for a drink ?

Don't let it own you like that brother

IOAA2

Hi

My life was similar to your description, Wrapped around alcohol thinking wise and drinking wise. It progressed until I became addicted to it and found dealing with life on lifes terms difficult which caused me to drink more.

I and others needed to break the cycle and become honest with ourselves about our drinking and accept the fact that we cannot any longer drink in safety one day at a time in a row.

Then the work begins to change the person that escaped to alcohol which no longer works as it once did. For that we need help, here on these forums and for me face to face meetings listening to things I didn’t want to hear, seeking softer easier ways.

KEEP COMING AND BE WELL

NickOz21

Thanks for the posts guys.

It's just sad that I can't drink anymore... The addict in me is starving.

I know I'll have "a few drinks" and end up wanting more...

I need to find life satisfaction outside of a bottle.

I'm so angry right now that I'm sober .

Thing is I was sober 40 days recently and it DID NOT make my life better...

Addiction is a strange, strange thing...

Hawkeye13

40 days isn't that long Nick--how many years did you drink?

Give the sobriety some time and max effort and you may really see a difference.

I'm very sorry about your GF--my husband misses his drinking buddy too,
but I just can't drink moderately with any kind of confidence I won't go off the deep end unexpectedly.

ScottFromWI

What exactly were you doing in your life to make it better other than just "not drinking"? Going that long without alcohol is certainly a worthwhile achievement, but if all you did was just "not drink" I can imagine it wouldn't feel like your life is better.

That's where having a plan comes in. For some a plan means Meeting based recovery. For others it means detox/rehab. Some seek counseling. Others use self paced sobriety methods. Who knows what might work for you, but the key is to find healthy ways to deal with life sober. It is possible and for an alcoholic it's a much better way to live

Also keep in mind that most of us have some kind of underlying issues that we tried to escape by drinking. Psychological, emotional, etc. When we stop drinking those issues don't go away, they need to be dealt with appropriately. Don't be afraid to seek help from a doctor or therapist, or at least consult with one.

Mountainmanbob

If one is a true alcoholic
no matter how many times tried
it just never (in the long run) seems to work out for the best

yes, at times the sober alcoholic will return to the drink
and think to themselves -- all is going so well
only in time to sink back into the hole of darkness

MM

biminiblue

Moderation just isn't an option for me. Tried that. Tried many times. I don't want one or two drinks at a wedding. I want to get drunk. I may be able to have one or two sometimes, but it always goes back to 12.

If your GF can't see that there is a better life ahead of her without the drink, then maybe it is best you called off the wedding. Is it possible she is on a destructive path?

Life will be much much better without it and if you make an effort to build a sober life you will be richly rewarded. It takes time, please listen to that inner voice of sanity and health.

doggonecarl

Congrats on 40 days sober.

Like you used to? If you had been just drinking socially you wouldn't have found yourself here. As you said yourself, you are a heavy drinking binge drinker. And that's what you'll be if you start drinking again.

FreeOwl

If sobriety is "killing your relationship"....

...Then you probably need to take a close look at healing your relationship.


Because I promise you, it's not sobriety's fault.

Anna

That's what recovery is about.

Stopping drinking, in itself, does not make your life better. YOU make your life better. You can choose activities you enjoy, people you like to be with, music you love, books you want to read, sports, whatever you like to fill your life with joy.

ccam1973

Nick, there's a lot of good advice here. I don't like to live life with regrets, and even when I make the wrong decisions I accept them and move on. But when it comes to drinking, I regret not quitting 20+ years ago. I wish my wife and I had stopped all those years ago before we got married.

I will tell you that if you are drinking around other alcoholics, then the term "drinking socially" becomes a huge problem. My wife and I spent years and years drinking socially, the problem is we were drinking socially with other alcoholics. That meant we never stopped.

Trust me, you need to find your way through life without alcohol if it it is a problem for you. Nothing good will come from your drinking long term.

I know if I pick up again today, I might not make it to tomorrow. Plus, I love life again... without alcohol.

Like Scott said, what else are you doing to make your life enjoyable besides just "not drinking"?

fini

sure you can go back to drinking just like you used to.
of course.
and you can have relationships that rest on drinking together and fall apart when the drinking stops.

drinking together isn't what's usually meant by enjoying each others' company, doing stuff together and bringing the best to each other.

that it "works" as glue to keep people together...yes, that's possible. as you're finding out, though, it's not a good basis for a real relationship.

you can do whatever you like. that was part of my problem, until it got to the point where my choice about drink/don't drink was impaired. and i had no real clue how to "be" without it.

Reset

Is it really a sad thing that you don't drink? When I think about all of the pros and cons of drinking I find the cons list to be way longer, even if it's just "social drinking." When I include the list of things that happen with alcoholic drinking it's a no-brainer.

I'm trying to buckle in and accept the idea that this isn't going to be easy. Things will at times be a lot worse. Maybe things will be worse most of the time. But in the long run I'll be better off in so many ways that I can't be sad about the process.

Holds1325

at 40 days it didn't make my life better either, at 63 days now its still rough, however it is getting better.

I read somewhere that you have to wait at least 90 days or so to assess how this is going to work.

Then again you can't just quit and sit around hoping for everything to magically be better without doing anything about it. Sure your physical health will be better but that mental health is what gets to you. At around 30 days I felt like you in a lot of ways I still do at times, but what helped me was doing something about it.

I keep hearing, its all bout the journey, not the destination, and its true, without all this how would we stay sober really? If we could just quit and 30 days later, be so much better! its like hey lets just drink again and give it another 30 days when we feel like quitting! It doesn't work like that for one, because alcohol is terrible for the brain and two that would be like a "cure" and we all know there is no cure per se for our alcoholism, we are in constant recovery.

That doesn't mean that it doesn't get better or we can't be happy with life etc. It just means that alcohol isn't good for us so its best to stay away for good and that's okay, our lives will be much better without it!

teatreeoil007

Is it possible you bored and/or have the 'blahs'? When I start to feel that way I tell myself that being sober is being serene. (heard or read that somewhere)

Dee74

I'm sorry things are rough Nick.

My advice is to stay on the path and keep moving forward.

I drank for 20 years - it took a little longer than 40 days for me to build a new sober life I was happy in - but it's worth it.

As for your relationship - if it's worth it, it will withstand you not drinking...

if not, then maybe there's something, or someone, else out there who relates more to the sober guy you're becoming?

D

letitgo

The tale of 3 sentences. Such a common theme here.
1. Continue to moderate alcohol intake. This is really life in prison with a slow moving suicide.
2. Being sober but missing all the fun of drinking. There is nothing you are missing by being sober other then some wicked hangovers, rebound anxiety, lost time/money and significant health effects. This will cause displeasure and may lead to relapse.
3. Sober and recovery. This is like the governors pardon. You free yourself from from the trap. Realizing alcohol is a drug you were addicted to and it caused horrible things in life to happen. Sober recovery really means enjoying and taking back the reins of life. Alcohol doesnt make you happy or help you find love. Having heathly things in common is much more important then couples that use together. I hope you can come to terms with option 3 and learn to enjoy life free again.

sugarbear1

My life got worse being sober, that is when I knew I needed to do something different. Those 12 steps of AA changed my life immensely. I am comfortable in my own skin, wherever I am and whether or not I am alone or with other people. Life is beautiful today.