I drank to block out my husband...
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I drank to block out my wife....
a couple of wives, actually....
And then later I learned that I drank to block out my own misery about a lot of things.
And I learned that I drank to block out my own feelings in general.... about a lot of things.
With time, I learned that I drank instead of dealing with life. I don't know what effect sobriety and mature emotional development may have had on my relationships. Very likely, things would have been different because I would have been bringing a very different person to the relationship than I did in my drinking Self.
When we get sober within relationship, I think it can be really complicated for everyone involved. I think the best policy is to honestly acknowledge - to self and to our significant other(s) - "this is going to be tumultuous and emotionally volatile. Let's not judge one another or our relationship during this process."
How long will that take? Well, it's different for us all, I believe. But, I also believe that we probably ought not judge too quickly or too harshly our significant others as we seek to heal ourselves. There is a very good chance we'll BOTH be very different people after some solid sober time.....
a couple of wives, actually....
And then later I learned that I drank to block out my own misery about a lot of things.
And I learned that I drank to block out my own feelings in general.... about a lot of things.
With time, I learned that I drank instead of dealing with life. I don't know what effect sobriety and mature emotional development may have had on my relationships. Very likely, things would have been different because I would have been bringing a very different person to the relationship than I did in my drinking Self.
When we get sober within relationship, I think it can be really complicated for everyone involved. I think the best policy is to honestly acknowledge - to self and to our significant other(s) - "this is going to be tumultuous and emotionally volatile. Let's not judge one another or our relationship during this process."
How long will that take? Well, it's different for us all, I believe. But, I also believe that we probably ought not judge too quickly or too harshly our significant others as we seek to heal ourselves. There is a very good chance we'll BOTH be very different people after some solid sober time.....
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,174
Congratulations on 15 days FF if my maths is correct
At least sober you can take a more rational series of decisions about your relationship the same way you had the meaningful interactions with that couple you visited
At least sober you can take a more rational series of decisions about your relationship the same way you had the meaningful interactions with that couple you visited
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 927
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
I drank to block out my wife.... a couple of wives, actually.... And then later I learned that I drank to block out my own misery about a lot of things. And I learned that I drank to block out my own feelings in general.... about a lot of things. With time, I learned that I drank instead of dealing with life. I don't know what effect sobriety and mature emotional development may have had on my relationships. Very likely, things would have been different because I would have been bringing a very different person to the relationship than I did in my drinking Self. When we get sober within relationship, I think it can be really complicated for everyone involved. I think the best policy is to honestly acknowledge - to self and to our significant other(s) - "this is going to be tumultuous and emotionally volatile. Let's not judge one another or our relationship during this process." How long will that take? Well, it's different for us all, I believe. But, I also believe that we probably ought not judge too quickly or too harshly our significant others as we seek to heal ourselves. There is a very good chance we'll BOTH be very different people after some solid sober time.....
I think I drank to block out anything and I kidded myself it was for relaxation. These last couple of days I've been around 5 kids all day which has been great but tiring and exhausting. I've watched people pour wine at the end of the day with envy, knowing how good that first pour used to feel, knowing that escape was just around the corner. But I've stayed strong and the amazing realisation has been that once the kids are in bed no I've drunk 2 glasses of water I actually feel quite relaxed.
WHAT???? I CANNOT BELIEVE I CAN REACH CALMNESS AND FEEL READY FOR BED WITHOUT WINE, ITS TRULY AMAZING!!!
I think I will also bring a very different person to the table with my new sober self.
And no matter what I perceive my husbands faults to be I also have to acknowledge that he's been living with someone who hasn't really been present after 7pm at night, who has blacked out on the sofa every night, who he couldn't wake up, who he worried about, who repeated herself, who had no recollection of whole conversations the next day, who he had to guide home after drunken falls at the pub, who he had to explain injuries to the next morning, the list probably goes on...
So no, I won't be filing for divorce too soon. I'll give this time to settle itself, to present itself for what it really is and to allow us to find our feet in this new way of living together.
Gosh, I can be quite calm and composed at 6am with a quiet house and both my boys snuggled up in bed next to me watching their iPads with headphones on!
Driving back to the husband this afternoon after a long weekend with sister, the break has been good for both of us I think...
Peace : ))))
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