Holy smokes I messed up
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
It works if you work it!!
If you rush step 4, don't be surprised if you have to do it again soon though. It deserves thorough consideration .
Keep up the dedication, and you will be fine man. Sending you good thoughts!
If you rush step 4, don't be surprised if you have to do it again soon though. It deserves thorough consideration .
Keep up the dedication, and you will be fine man. Sending you good thoughts!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by wehav2day 
It works if you work it!!
If you rush step 4, don't be surprised if you have to do it again soon though. It deserves thorough consideration .
Keep up the dedication, and you will be fine man. Sending you good thoughts!
If you rush step 4, don't be surprised if you have to do it again soon though. It deserves thorough consideration .
Keep up the dedication, and you will be fine man. Sending you good thoughts!
The really sad part is that my addiction leads to isolation and I have less and less true interaction with people. This good is that it makes my resentment lst shorter. The bad is how sad of a life my addiction, whether dry or drinking, creates.
Working with a good sponsor, young guy with 16 years, and have 2 others I have worked with since 2012 both with over 30 years. Putting my faith in God here.
Feels strange going hung hoe out if the shoot, but just going to meetings was not working for me in the last couple of years. I need a deep level psychic change. I feel a level of surrender and awareness that I never had before. I truly see how my character defects created chaos and unhappiness in others even when not drinking because I never could accept my life was unmanageable. I could turn over the alcohol and drugs, but not my life so I stayed right in there trying to run the show driven by self-centered fear.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
I found out early on that to get and be sober in the fellowship I needed to be IN it and not around it.
Isolation is an enemy of ours because it usually put me into a bad thinking mode so it became meetings, meetings, meetings, where I listened.
BE WELL
I found out early on that to get and be sober in the fellowship I needed to be IN it and not around it.
Isolation is an enemy of ours because it usually put me into a bad thinking mode so it became meetings, meetings, meetings, where I listened.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
"I truly see how my character defects created chaos and unhappiness in others even when not drinking because I never could accept my life was unmanageable. I could turn over the alcohol and drugs, but not my life so I stayed right in there trying to run the show driven by self-centered fear."
That is some brilliant awareness right there. Good for you.
That is some brilliant awareness right there. Good for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Super good stuff, roxy!!
Your dedication is admirable! This may not be your first try at sobriety, but it can be your last.
"Rarely has someone failed, who has thoroughly followed our path"
My personal favorite promise: "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us" gosh that was true for me! I'm still easy to baffle, don't get me wrong, but when you have your soul back you can navigate almost everything.
Looks like you are getting your soul back!!
Your dedication is admirable! This may not be your first try at sobriety, but it can be your last.
"Rarely has someone failed, who has thoroughly followed our path"
My personal favorite promise: "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us" gosh that was true for me! I'm still easy to baffle, don't get me wrong, but when you have your soul back you can navigate almost everything.
Looks like you are getting your soul back!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3
Hang in there Roxy, I lost my wife because I would not stop & 13 years later I still try to drink her off my mind... Well at least until yesterday (Monday) when the pain overcame me, this is my day 2 of no drinks (I'm struggling hard) but reading is helping me.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
As you are working your way through sobriety you may wish to keep in mind the preface of steps.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power- that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it - then you are ready to take certain steps.
At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.
Remember that we deal with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us. But there is One who has all power- that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
Do you have a sponsor?
Made two meeting yesterday and went to halfway house with old sponsor for dinner a meeting yesterday. He has around 30 or so years.
I also have another quasi sponsor that is more of a spiritual advisor type. I used him in the past, but he splits his time here and in California so he is unavailable fairly often. He has 31 years. He is an old old hippy type that is the most at peace person I have ever met. I want what he has.
Then I have a close friend in another city that I talk to regularly who us a female with around 8 years. She is like my sister and her and my wife are very close. She knows my struggles well.
Lol, I have no excuses. It is now up to me to do the work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
I wake up every morning feeling God's presence in my life and feeling really grateful even thought I hurt deeply and miss my family.
Fact is I have to change almost everything about me because everything I do is based on self and has kept me sick, lonely and living in all of those symptoms of unmanageableability on page 52 of the Big Book.
Fact is I have to change almost everything about me because everything I do is based on self and has kept me sick, lonely and living in all of those symptoms of unmanageableability on page 52 of the Big Book.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Almost a week. Last Saturday was hopefully my bottom. I feel good about my life, hitting about 2 meetings a day, hope to get most of fourth step done for resentments this weekend. Staying plugged in.
Last Saturday I felt so much despair. I saw three options: (1) take money, pack bags and go to Thailand and probably die or commit suicude from despair; (2) continue drnking and die as my body was literally revolting against more alcohol at that point; or (3) Pour that last bottle of vodka down the toilet and pray and ask for help.
Thank God he led me to option 3. Things can turn around pretty quickly with enough willingness to do the work and to get out of self and stop worry about my damn self. I am the one wreaking havoc in everyone's life yet my natural inclination is to feel sorry for myself about what I did to myself and get all absorbed in self centered fear about what I lost or what happened to me. Sure, we can all stay that way, but that is just the untreated alcoholism that keeps us drinking or dreadfully unhappy when not drinking.
God willing, I will stay sober today, live in the day and find peace knowing that God has my back and will take care of me.
Last Saturday I felt so much despair. I saw three options: (1) take money, pack bags and go to Thailand and probably die or commit suicude from despair; (2) continue drnking and die as my body was literally revolting against more alcohol at that point; or (3) Pour that last bottle of vodka down the toilet and pray and ask for help.
Thank God he led me to option 3. Things can turn around pretty quickly with enough willingness to do the work and to get out of self and stop worry about my damn self. I am the one wreaking havoc in everyone's life yet my natural inclination is to feel sorry for myself about what I did to myself and get all absorbed in self centered fear about what I lost or what happened to me. Sure, we can all stay that way, but that is just the untreated alcoholism that keeps us drinking or dreadfully unhappy when not drinking.
God willing, I will stay sober today, live in the day and find peace knowing that God has my back and will take care of me.
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