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I can't let anyone know I'm an alcoholic

Old 09-13-2015, 07:44 AM
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There's a kinship of suffering among those in recovery - we share our experience, strength and hope with each other as these can be highly effective tools for all, but especially for those just starting out / considering sobriety.

The ironic issue to me, and I was the same - is much of what is shared is totally ignored.

The friends above have laid out their ESH from over 100 years of sobriety and have been where you are. Follow their paths to start - we do not have to reinvent everything. A lot of the hard work is laid out in a template at our feet!!!

You can indeed start your sobriety for the betterment of your family, no question. Many of us do. At some point we come to understand by healing ourselves we give those around us hope........the reflection of my despair in loved ones eyes can turn to hope.

Welcome, glad you're here with us!
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Old 09-13-2015, 01:24 PM
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Hi SD,

I'm a mom too, and my child is around the same age as your oldest. She hated my drinking, and I hated what it was doing to our relationship, so I decided to quit and stay quit. First, just know that you *can* do this. You can turn things around. Accept that you have a problem and the solution is total sobriety. It may feel impossible right now, but believe me it's possible. I've only got about two months myself, but I'm already feeling a lot better and stronger, and my relationship with my child is already a million times better!

I'm not using AA or any other face-to-face support. Right now, SR is my only support. But I do have a thorough plan in place and it's worked well for me thus far. I started out by reading a lot of the SMART Recovery materials and using their tools. CBT works well for some of us. Maybe check it out?

You can message me if you need an ear. We are here for you.

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Old 09-13-2015, 01:49 PM
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I stopped on my own without AA, but that said, if you live in a small town
don't you think everyone already knows how much wine you drink if you are
spending that much and buying it locally?

In my small town, they sure would.
I also felt pressure to hide the extent of my problem due to work,
and I managed stopping on my own by changing my lifestyle totally.

I replaced drinking with exercise, avoided drinking situations, got all the booze
out of the house, got good food in to eat instead (including ice cream for emergency craving situations which really helps).

If you drink at night, you may need to find some new habits to fill the time like reading, puzzles, crafts, etc. and perhaps
doing some of these things with your kids so they get to know the "real" you and have some fun.

It is wonderful you are facing the problem and ready to do something,
but if you find you cannot handle quitting without face to face support such as AA, I would not let your shame block your recovery.

You can get better, and you will get better if you give quitting everything you have and take whatever steps necessary to stop.
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Old 09-13-2015, 02:37 PM
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Welcome!! I'm a mom too and SR is my only source of support and it has helped me so much. I am not doing AA or anything besides this website. Anytime I want to take a drink, I come here and write about it. That has stopped me from taking that first sip. Writing out a plan and staying as busy as possible has also helped me. Even going on youtube videos and looking at cute puppies to pass the time when a craving hits has stopped me from drinking. I didn't want anyone to know at first, but now I'm just focused on not drinking for myself and my son. You can do this. We are here for you.
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:03 PM
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Oh gosh I'm in tears. I wasn't expecting so many replies. Thankyou!

You are so right, so many people in this town probably already know. I go to the same bottle shop every single day to buy my wine (I don't buy in bulk because ofcourse, I promise myself these bottles are the last, that I'll stop tomorrow), so I'm always bumping in to people I know there.

I am carrying extra weight. I'm under 30 and look like I'm 40 because of what's it's done to my skin over the years.

Both my parents are alcoholics. It killed my dad 7 years ago and mum has all sorts of health problems yet still gets people to smuggle vodka into the hospital.

So I grew up seeing my parents abuse alcohol, just like my kids are seeing me.


I just drove my kid to school and as usual, I had to take the back roads because I still feel drunk. This is not who I want to be anymore. I have had enough.

I read in here last night that people use colouring in for something to do with their hands, I'm going to give that a go tonight as I used to enjoy doing that as a kid.

Deep breath.

Today is day 1. I'll be logging back in tonight when I'm itching to get my kids out of bed so I can drive to the bottle shop after I'd promised myself I wasn't going to drink tonight. (That's happened so many times).

Thank you all so much for your advice. It's nice to be understood and not judged.

I'll check out the September thread too.
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:10 PM
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Great to have you with us, Secretdrinker.

Good things have already been said. I'll just add my support and hopes for you to stay with us as you begin a new life. I drank twice as long as you, even though I knew at 30 I didn't drink like other people. Be proud of yourself for taking action and seeing what needs to be done. I'm sorry for the pain and misery your drinking has caused you - but here's where it can end. Do you have a doctor you can confide in to help through the withdrawal period? I'm glad you found us - we all understand - and we're rooting for you.
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:27 PM
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You got some really good feedback here and I don't have much to add, just that it's possible to quit drinking and maintain sobriety.
Many of us here on SR have done so, whether it's with AA, WFS, AVRT,SMART, reading and blogging, meditating etc.
I think that the two main keys to success is acceptance that you can never drink safely again and the commitment to never pick up the first drink no matter what.
Anything else you can work on, iron out, change around.

If we could do it, so can you
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:33 PM
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We're here for you Secret! I hope you're almost at Day 2~you can do this!
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Old 09-13-2015, 04:43 PM
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You are not alone and the main thing here is that you stop drinking and be the person you want to be and the mother you want to be.
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Old 09-13-2015, 06:03 PM
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Definitely come here to post during critical cravings times. It's a good idea to have a plan for the night. How do movies, colouring, good meal, and coming to SR to check in sound?
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Old 09-14-2015, 12:40 AM
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Stock up on sweet treats to help you with cravings. The sugar really helps. I like fruit juice and fresh fruit, they stop cravings for me almost instantly. A lot of people find ice cream helps. Others suck on hard candies.

You can do this, you really can!
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:17 AM
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Hi secret drinker
Fellow Aussie here and mum of two. How are you going ?

I know the feeling of living in a small town and being too scared to go to AA. Because that has stopped me going there.

I too used to count down till the kids were in bed so i could kick back and drink. I was always counting drinks in the afternoon and always worried about getting a DUI. Luckily for me i was driven to work nearly every morning .. so i could drink before work. I always thought i would have to be hospitalised or locked to stop drinking. I COULD NOT stop for my kids regardless of how hard I tried.

The SR chat room has been my main sobriety tool. I log in and i chat sfter work and after the kids have gone to bed and in the holidays in early sobriety the people there were my sobriety life line ... they stopped me taking that first drink numerous times. Now it is a part of my daily sober routine.

I also use(d) the AVRT online crash course and still do especially in social situations and when dealing with my AH.

I have been to two AA meetings (way outta town) when i was visiting family and friends. I felt right at home. If i was brave i would go in my home town.

I would recommend talking to a doctor and asking for contacts for sobriety groups or addiction counsellors. There is more help out there then just AA.

I hope to see you soon.

Drop in here (or into chat) and tell us how you are going.

Cheers
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Old 09-14-2015, 01:49 AM
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Thank you all so much for your words of encouragement.

It is night one and I almost caved already. I have had such a stressful day with my 2 year old, she would test the patience of a saint. I was itching to drop by the bottle shop on my way home, I literally had to tell my inner voice to shut the hell up, I told my dead dad I was NOT like him (in my head). I gripped the steering wheel and with tears in my eyes because of how ashamed and pathetic I feel letting drink take over my life, I went home.

I'm sat here missing it already.

Deep breaths.


I have put some fruit juice in an empty wine bottle in the freezer, because it's the action of pouring that I'll miss along with the taste, heck, who am I lying to? In the end, I was drinking my wine straight from the bottle that I would hide inbetween my legs on the sofa all night so I could quickly hide it with the quilt incase my kid came out.
Sipping it from the bottle seemed to make it go down slower than it did out of a glass (again kidding myself, it worked night 1, the second night it went down just as fast).

See, I have this inner monologue of lies just repeating over and over.


I told my ex husband I was quitting, for good and when he asked why, I told him. "How many of our problems have stemmed from the drink? How many arguments has it caused? How much has it cost us? Look at me, i'm overweight, I don't do anything with the kids anymore, I feel disgusting and like a failure as a parent"

He is an alcoholic too but won't admit it. He believes his lies. It's always a stressful time in work etc.

I told him to never ever bring me round any alcohol again, never offer to go the shop for me and never give in if I ask him.

We both enabled eachother for the last 10 years.


So many things you have all said in this thread have really hit home for me, so so many. I'm going to be in tears every bloody time I come in here haha

So, here we go. Night one.My kids have just gone to bed. I have my colouring books ready, I am sat here with a cup of tea, got my fruit juice in the freezer along with ice cream.
If none of that works, I'm going to hit the arcade tab at the top of this site, so many cool games to keep my hands busy.
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Old 09-14-2015, 02:28 AM
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It's a massive change - but it's not impossible. Many many of us have gone before and made it work

I drank all day everyday for several years - change really is possible no matter how badly addicted we were.

I'd recommend you stop putting fruit juice in the wine bottle tho - while it may be reassuring now, you might actually be mentally reinforcing the behaviour patterns you had as a drinker.

Try your fruit juice in a normal glass - or even a mug - break those rituals

D
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Old 09-14-2015, 02:51 AM
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Congratualtions... believe me I have driven into the carpark in tears ... gripping the steering wheel and driven off ...

My preferred drinks are now some soft drinks and TEA lots and lots of Tea... I have discovered the many varieties of tea. I used to walk through the front door after work and go straight to the fridge. Now i go straight to the kettle and flick the switch.

Hang in there ... stay close to SR and know we are in the chat room shortly for Aussie Hour
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:02 AM
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I agree with Dee, find a new ritual that doesn't involve the wine bottle. It will also be good for you kids to see you pouring juice instead of something out of a wine bottle. Why not treat yourself to a nice, new pitcher and glass or cup that you use for your new non-alcoholic beverages? Sparkling water with a spitz of lemon or lime is also nice, adding some fresh mint is also tasty.

You CAN do this. It won't always be easy but it IS possible.
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:34 AM
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Good idea, I ditched the bottle and poured it into a nice big fancy jug with ice!

So far so good. I'm going to go to bed soon and hopefully have a good night's sleep although I know retraining my body to fall asleep without alcohol is going to be a big hurdle.
Even if I get a few hours, I know I'm going to wake up tomorrow feeling better than I would with 2 bottles of wine still in my system!
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Old 09-14-2015, 03:45 AM
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So proud of you Secretdrinker! It's tough to take that first step but so worth it in the long run...

I agree that creating new rituals is a big part of recovery. I really enjoy different teas, lemonades, sparkling water, occasional sodas, ice cream floats, root beers, and other non-ancoholic drinks. You have the whole new exciting sparkling world waiting for you! Keep close to the forum, we're rooting for you.
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Old 09-14-2015, 04:14 AM
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Im not sure where you are with your
Faith, beliefs, spirituality, but because
of how I was raised and the Catholic
schooling, upbringing, I have always
believed in God of my understanding.

Recovery, sobriety for me is a Spiritual
Journey helping me to live life and be
the best person I can possibly be not
only to myself but to others around me.

I never hesitate to look to the skies
and ask for help, guidance because
I cant do life alone, by myself. I need
Something, Someone stronger to help
me.

So between incorporating what was
taught to me in rehab and in the rooms
of recovery along with my Catholic
up bringing, today I am stronger, healthier,
honest in my affairs all to the best of my
human ability.

When we stop pouring poison down
our throats, allowing it to soak into
every pore of our being, skin, mind,
veins, heart, killing, destroying, eating
away at us, then we begin to heal.

Your skin will heal. Your color will
glow. Your smile will brighten. Your
mind will sharpen. Your heart will
beat stronger as the blood will be
pumping, flowing cleaner through
out your body.

You will see the stress lines in your
face soften and you will feel and look
younger.

It was told to me to look at the faces
of many in recovery and see the transformation
within them. The miracle of living a sober
clean life one day at a time. Follow suggestions
of many who have learned to live each day
without dependency on poison. Learn about
your addiction and apply it to your everyday
life.

My recovery belongs to me and I wont
allow anyone to mess with it. If I don't
remain sober for me then I have nothing.
No life, No family, No nothing.

Stick close to those in recovery and
allow them to help you, lean on for support,
as they show compassion, concern,
understanding, communication in
living a sober clean life.

The rewards of the Promises as written
in the Big Book of AA and here online
if you google it can and will come true
if you truly want them.

And I did. The journey in recovery
over the yrs has granted me these
awesome gifts to enjoy each day I
remain sober.

They are there for you and anyone
living a recovery life.
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Old 09-14-2015, 04:15 AM
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Congratulations, Secret! You are on your way!
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