JoeZee

I really thought I was going to make it. I quit drinking on January 9 this year, and I wanted it to be my last time quitting. I was done. For a few weeks, I wasn't so sure. The cravings were so unbearable for a while, it seemed impossible. But I toughed it out, and in some ways, I felt better. I didn't have to plan my life around drinking. I didn't have a constant hangover. I didn't have to face those long days, wondering how in the hell was I going to make it through. So in some ways, my life improved, but it wasn't enough.

I started drinking again in July. Six months of hard work down the drain. I spent about a month planning it. Talking myself into and out of it.
In June, while I was sober, it seemed like out of nowhere and for no good reason, my life just started falling apart. It was like my brain turned to mush. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't think straight, I couldn't remember where I parked the car, or what I had for breakfast. I couldn't concentrate on ANYTHING for longer than a minute. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't even watch TV, and I lost my job of almost a decade. I had expected sobriety to make my life better. I expected to lose weight, get in shape, clear my mind, get a better job, make friends, be more social. None of those things happened. My life literally fell apart while I was sober, and for no good reason.

Drinking was the only thing that could make me feel normal again, and it did. Now here I am back at square one. The occasional drink has progressed into an everyday thing once again, I'm feeling pretty hopeless right now. Drunk and hopeless.

Trees39

Hi Joe, I'm not sure what to say to help you.

All I know is that drinking doesn't make it better, doesn't even keep things the same, it makes everything feel worse.. 1 hour later

Think about giving your head another go at sober

All the best

Dee74

Welcome back Joe

that kind of implies you felt a little let down by sobriety...what were you expecting?

(genuine question, no snarkiness implied)

D

FarToGo

In some ways my life is harder, sorry if that discourages people, it's really not meant to. But now I don't have my usual escape or blurring poison to "help me cope / get me though", but this is real life and I'm putting myself in a good position to try things differently. Nothing easy about it. The alternative, staying an alkie .............................. you fill in your own details here.
Try again, you did so well before, as hard as it was.
Good luck to you
xx

IOAA2

Hi.
My expectations and reality were quite different. I thought life would become a bowl of cherries but life is life usually, if I drink or not.
Fortunately when I stopped my ego said let people who’ve been through this help me.

BFTGOG I did and the path into recovery became very pleasant.

It was work to CHANGE my mode of thinking and acting/reacting. I needed to fill the void alcohol left with healthy things and caring about me and other lives close to me.
I became very active in the fellowship from making coffee, washing stinking ash trays, way back when, listening, chairing meetings, speaking and going on commitments even if I didn’t want to and in general participating and helping others.

If we are the ones standing around waiting for good things to happen, good luck.
Another thought, not enough of us in the beginning seek medical advice and be honest enough.

BE WELL

Soberwolf

Try sleeping it off get rid of any remaining alcohol & realise your in this pickle directly because of alcohol

Pondlady

Have you talked with your doctor about what was happening to you in June? Might be a good place to begin again.

Maffers

I agree with those above, you should check with a doctor or therapist to find out why you were having the brain spells. Being jobless and drinking is never a good combo, trust me I know. Sobriety is what you make it, I have also feel into the 6 month cycle then falling victim to it again, each time hitting it harder too make up for lost time. Did you actively try to achieve those goals of exercise, socializing? Just quitting drinking isn't enough, we have to retrain our brains into finding other engaging activities to fight off the coping mechanisms that we used when drinking. Don't give up on yourself yet, pull yourself up by the boot straps and actively fight. We are all pulling for ya man!

2muchpain

After all that you've gone through, I can certainly understand why you wonder if staying sober is worth it. I question it myself sometimes, but I know what will happen if I start drinking again. Sometimes I hate having to go through a rough day or face a major disappointment, and can't even have a few beers to mellow out some. But then I think that having to deal with a lousy day or week is a whole lot easier than what I would be facing if I had those few beers.
I would also recommend maybe talking with your doctor or seeing a therapist. Just might be the one thing that is missing in your plan. John

thomas11

As others have mentioned, maybe there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed by a professional. Daily drinking will inevitably find a way to make everything worse, not better. I wish you well.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Joe!!

teatreeoil007

Have you been to a doctor to rule out any underlying condition such as low thyroid or depression?

Anna

Joe, you must not give in to this disease because it is relentless. Could it be that you felt somewhat disappointed by recovery? Maybe there are more changes you could add to your life, along with stopping drinking, that would help you to feel more balanced.

fini

JoeZee,
drinking was the only thing that made you feel normal again.
yes.
i get that.
it did that for me, too (though in the abnormal sober state i didn't go through the tough places you did).
i simply didn't know how to "be" without it, and hadn't realized that i needed to learn. i had thought things would just kinda "right" themselves.

finding and persuing a different way of actually living is something i realized i needed. there are many different ways people go about that, and different routes to follow.
but they all include not drinking and taking actions.

for me, that has translated into finding some others who have "enough" new normal and doing the stuff they do.