getright15

So I have some first hand experience with this scenario. Actually the exact same situation my first go round with a DUI. Last July I tapped the bumper of someone in stop and go traffic on the freeway. A few weeks before this happened I had just lost my job and got denied unemployment at the time so I was pretty much down in the dumps depressed and not knowing what to do about bills etc. So I was knocking back some drinks and then ran errands that day feeling sorry for myself. So, anyways after I hit him we pull over. I'm 35 and this kid was probably 19 or so. No damage occurred to our vehicles. He then started claiming all these injuries...hand, neck and his wrist. I immediately got so annoyed as I knew he was bullshi**ing. Next thing I know his dad shows up then the cops are called once they see that we are arguing. Long story short DUI. It took about 8 months for it to go to court. I did get a lawyer pretty quickly. My BAC was thrown out due to it being taken outside the time frame which they are allowed to take it. We settled on taking DUI classes online, a victims panel and $800 fine. The DMV and the courts are 2 separate entities so my license had nothing to do with my court date. Mind you that was just the first one. Since then I went ahead and made my life more difficult by getting 2 more this year. I wish I made the choice to get sober right after my first incident but I'm learning the hard way.

Best of luck to you

JPhere

Can't sleep. That sounds similar getright.

I found out today that I screwed myself even more. After the field sobriety and breathalyzer, I was asked if I wanted to take an optional test at the station that would be admissible in court. I just said no. I wasn't made aware of the consequences.

So if I don't prevail in the trial to keep my license, it's an automatic 3 month suspension before the real trial when it would have only been 45 days. I may be able to opt for the interlock device if I lose. Not sure yet. I wasn't read my rights or mugshotted or anything. All this is new to me.

I'm not playing the victim though by any means. Battling with depression and anxiety isn't helping me fight. It's like I lost all will to go on right now. It was like this way before what happened. Now it's x 10. Whether I was over the limit or not if I seriously hurt someone I sure wouldn't be typing this right now.

BlindsidedBetty

Hang in there, I know it must feel hopeless right now, but I promise, you will get through this. You must get all the lawyer you can afford, even if you have to pawn, beg, borrow. The fees will blow you away and seem mind boggling, but lawyer up as best you can. And your car insurance may do more than you realize to settle the "injured" party, I had a similar lady try and sue me when I bumped her at traffic light when she stalled in intersection, no alcohol involved, and no damage to either car, but week later she tried to claim neck damage, go on disability, etc., and in the end she got a check from All state for $1180 to make her go away. The insurance guys see this every minute of the day. Breathe, tomorrow is a new day. Yeah, this sucks, but don't do anything stupid. You mean a lot to somebody even if you are struggling to love yourself tonight.

Dee74

hi and welcome JPHere

I'm sorry for your depression and anxiety. If you do need a crisis line or anything, there are links here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

getright15

I've had similar thoughts JPhere. After my last arrest last month I felt completely hopeless. I still do at times, but I just try and look at it that I didn't hurt or kill anyone and my situation can be a lot worse than what it currently is. I actually got a break with the last one. When they were giving me my charges that listed it as a DUI first offense. When it should be DUI 3rd offense and my bail would've been higher...way higher. My lawyer says that they can't move the charge to a felony or anything it has to stay at the offense they charged me with. I feel like total sh*t about my situation and try not to focus on it but it is a daunting situation I put myself in.

Pulsar

I have not had a DUI (yet?) myself; I have seen multiple people through the early process after an arrest. As I understand it you (with proper representation) can request a postponement on your first court date at the very least. This can often be a month or more to start with. I agree with all of the earlier posts (reread them - there is valid information there), you have time to relax before the hammer comes down. Try not to stress about it as best you can. You can do it.

Meraviglioso

This is bad stuff and I imagine you feel really horrible. I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. While you shouldn't brush aside the seriousness of what has happened, right now in this moment it would be helpful to remember a lot of people have been through this and things have turned out ok.
YOu've got a lot of stuff on your plate right now. it might be important to concentrate on the fact that nearly all of it is caused or made worse by alcohol abuse. The good news is, that is the one thing you can do something about. You can't find a new job just by snapping your fingers, but you can not drink today. You can't take back the DUI, but you can not drink today. You cannot immediately be rid of your depression and anxiety, but you can not drink today.

Not drinking today, and then tomorrow, taking things one day at a time, will help in a number of real, concrete ways.
1. It will be of use to you when the judge is considering your sentence.
2. It will save you money, which it sounds like you need.
3. As alcohol exacerbates anxiety and depression, you may start to feel better. The difference may be small or large.

A last bit of advice, or a suggestion would be to begin to make small steps towards living a more positive life. When I am down in the dumps, feeling total crap, one thing that really helps me is to try and do at least one positive or productive thing each day.
Some ideas:
-get out of bed, shower and cook yourself a healthy meal. (ok, that's 3 things)
-clean your bathroom
-change the sheets on your bed
-pay a bill
-call about treatment options
-register for a job search site
-go to the gym
-take a walk
-organize your music collection
-go to an AA meeting
-wash and fold the laundry
-spend 30 minutes playing with your dog, not checking your phone or thinking
about anything else, give him/her your full attention for 30 minutes
-read a book that teaches you something
-make an appointment with your doctor to ask about medication adjustments
-go through your house and fine 25 things you do not use or need and donate them
to charity
-research online AA meetings
-take out the trash
-visit your mother
-drink a lot of water and take your vitamins


You can make your own list, those are just some ideas. But wallowing around in self pity (although completely understandable behavior and emotions, no judgement here) is not going to get you anywhere. Baby steps. One step at a time, one day at a time. You CAN get out of this hole, but only if you stop drinking.

JPhere

A felony would be really bad. Were you driving on a suspended license?

I didn't have to be bailed out or anything. I just sat in the cell for a minute while they did some paperwork or whatever, then told me I can go. Then I walked home.

Does that even classify as an 'arrest'? I wasn't read any rights. I thought they always had to do that. He just cuffed me and put me in the back of his car.

Whether I manage to get any sleep or not, I have to call AA tomorrow and find a local meeting. I found a local intergroup, whatever that is, and got a number. I think once I talk to a public defender I'll be more calm. At least have a good idea of what's in store for me instead of panicking and guessing. I know laws and fines vary from state to state.

The feeling of dread though is the worst. Looking around and realizing I may lose everything. I keep picturing myself living in some halfway house.

JPhere

I called the number and found the AA meeting schedule. I plan on going every day that I can.

One more question. Do they have a sign-in sheet to prove you were there? I need to do this for myself first of all. But I would also need proof in case it's needed in court.

entropy1964

I think you just need to create your own...date, meeting, location, time, signature. The court will give you one once that is determined. There is no sign in at AA, anonymity and all, so making your own will give you something to show the judge.

JPhere

Ok, thanks. So my signature would be enough proof or would someone else need to sign it also?

I guess I'll find out more once I'm there. There's an open discussion group every morning so I may hit that one. How long do they usually last? Not that I have anything better to do. Just curious.

NoelleR

The papers I've signed had spaces for the name, date, time, and location of the meeting, and a space for a signature and phone number of the chairperson, or someone else who was willing to sign. Guess it depends on the meetings.......and what the judge requires.

(o:
Noelle

JPhere

Something like this?

entropy1964

Oh, sorry that wasn't clear. Someone else can sign it from the meeting.

entropy1964

Yup. Just have someone sign at the end of the meeting. The chairperson or really anyone. The meetings last 60 minutes. Online there should be a description of the meeting....whether its a womans meeting, big book study, step study, mens meeting etc.

Go for it. You'll be in a room of people that understand you. If you don't like the meeting, go to a different one. They all kind of have a different 'personality' so to speak. See the similarities, not the differences. Attach to what resonates with you, discard what doesn't. Work toward getting a sponsor or at least a temp sponsor. That will not only be truly good for you, but a judge will see that as a positive, big time.

JPhere

I see one that has a meeting at the same time every day of the week. I may start out with that one. I'm not sure how I'd feel jumping from group to group if they're not meeting on a certain day.

It's a shame the one that's in my town only has one meeting a week. That would have been perfect.

IOAA2

Hi.
It MIGHT be advisable to go to a variety of types of meetings each week. Seeing you have time on your hands I’d suggest going to the meeting that’s daily and another one each day. That exposes you to more people and more identification with what you hear.
Becoming active at this time is very important also, making coffee, cleaning up, going on commitments, in other words be part of the fellowship. It shouldn’t make one too well.

Above all keep coming and BE WELL

Berrybean

I generally see some familiar faces at any meeting I go to within a 40 minute drive (prob more but that's as far as I tend to travel for meetings). It's worth trying different meetings, but just get to your first few to start off with. You can chat to people there about what other meetings they go to and what they're like. Chances are you can share a car ride to some. When are you going? Tomorrow?

FreeOwl

I'll leave your legal and procedural questions to your attorney - which (having had two DUI's and one reckless driving charge that should have also been a DUI that got dismissed myself....) I strongly suggest you get immediately.

As for the bigger picture question of "what's in store for me".... I can sum it up in two simple possibilities;

1 - more of the same, only worse.

2 - a conscious decision once and for all to change and to embrace sobriety.

Continuing to drink - ever again - will only ensure your life remains a shambles at best, and ends prematurely at worst.

I hope it won't take you as many years, as much pain, as much legal trouble and as many close calls to make that choice as it did me.

Also - welcome. You can change your life for the better. Stick around.

JPhere

Yeah I plan on going tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can find the place. I looked on Google street view and it showed me a brick wall on another street.

I'll try that one first and see how it goes. If I hate it I'll try one in the next town over Saturday. There are very few local meetings to choose from.

Really, it's been almost 2 weeks and I'm not craving anything. When I start panicking I would like something to calm me down, but I'm not craving alcohol. It's put a lot of wear and tear on me physically and mentally. That's not to say I won't relapse again and don't need help.

I just talked to my mom about going to meetings on the phone. Should have never mentioned it. She was like, "You don't want the court to think you're an alcoholic. Why go if you don't have to?"

I just listened until my ear bled a little.