Just got my first DUI. I was doing so well....what's in store for me?
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Originally Posted by Ileana 
Our daughter got a DUI in the toughest penalty county in our state. (Tough because it is home to 3 colleges and they are tired of college kids DUI's)
This is how her's played out. Her DUI was non injury, non accident. In fact she was not actually caught driving but rather sitting in the parking lot texting unfortunately, her keys were in the ignition. They counted that just as though she was on the road. She was approached by the cop because she was illegally parked.
A letter arrived via US mail about 30 days after the arrest from the district magistrate (DM) assigning a court date a month later. At DM court she found out her charges and was given a $1000 bond (typical for that county because so many college kids don't live in the county and don't show up for court. She had to pay 10%.) Many 1st DUI's are released w/out bond.
She was assigned a court date in criminal court about 4 months out. During that 4 month time she was suspended from college for 1 year (and because it was 7 weeks into the semester had to repay student loans for a semester she didn't attend school). So she got a job and started going to AA and individual counseling.
In criminal court, she was given a $1250 fine, 6 months probation and 6 months loss of license. Little did we know....that $1250 fine turned out to be about $2200 because you have probation fees, drug & alcohol education course fees, and other fees that kept adding up. She was put on a payment plan of $100 a month. (They take into account your income level for the payment plan). HOWEVER, you can't get released from probation OR get your driver's license back until the fines are paid. So at a rate of $100/month she would have been without a license and on probation for over 2 years. She took out a loan to pay the fees within 6 months to get her license back.
D&A classes were 2.5 hrs 1x a week for 6 weeks. Probation - consisted of 1 x week visit for the first month, then she only had to go 2 x for the remaining 5 months. She was drug tested each time (which also added to the fees) Since she lost her license, each one of these visits cost me a day of work because it was a 4 hour round trip drive to the other county probation office. She was not eligible to have her case moved to our county nor was she eligible for public defender. PD is allowed for felony's not misdemeanors. Because she was unemployed at the time of the arrest she also was not eligible for work permit license. Her attorney fees were about $1500.
It was a nightmare but she survived. That was 4 years ago and she still has a hard time getting a job if the application asks if you were ever arrested. (If it asks were you ever convicted she is ok because she got it expunged but she legally must answer yes to an arrest and they bypass her every time if the app is worded that way).
This is how her's played out. Her DUI was non injury, non accident. In fact she was not actually caught driving but rather sitting in the parking lot texting unfortunately, her keys were in the ignition. They counted that just as though she was on the road. She was approached by the cop because she was illegally parked.
A letter arrived via US mail about 30 days after the arrest from the district magistrate (DM) assigning a court date a month later. At DM court she found out her charges and was given a $1000 bond (typical for that county because so many college kids don't live in the county and don't show up for court. She had to pay 10%.) Many 1st DUI's are released w/out bond.
She was assigned a court date in criminal court about 4 months out. During that 4 month time she was suspended from college for 1 year (and because it was 7 weeks into the semester had to repay student loans for a semester she didn't attend school). So she got a job and started going to AA and individual counseling.
In criminal court, she was given a $1250 fine, 6 months probation and 6 months loss of license. Little did we know....that $1250 fine turned out to be about $2200 because you have probation fees, drug & alcohol education course fees, and other fees that kept adding up. She was put on a payment plan of $100 a month. (They take into account your income level for the payment plan). HOWEVER, you can't get released from probation OR get your driver's license back until the fines are paid. So at a rate of $100/month she would have been without a license and on probation for over 2 years. She took out a loan to pay the fees within 6 months to get her license back.
D&A classes were 2.5 hrs 1x a week for 6 weeks. Probation - consisted of 1 x week visit for the first month, then she only had to go 2 x for the remaining 5 months. She was drug tested each time (which also added to the fees) Since she lost her license, each one of these visits cost me a day of work because it was a 4 hour round trip drive to the other county probation office. She was not eligible to have her case moved to our county nor was she eligible for public defender. PD is allowed for felony's not misdemeanors. Because she was unemployed at the time of the arrest she also was not eligible for work permit license. Her attorney fees were about $1500.
It was a nightmare but she survived. That was 4 years ago and she still has a hard time getting a job if the application asks if you were ever arrested. (If it asks were you ever convicted she is ok because she got it expunged but she legally must answer yes to an arrest and they bypass her every time if the app is worded that way).
It looks like my life is about to be turned upside down. This comfy bed will no longer be mine. I don't know who will take my dog. I just want to sleep.
I just don't know how I'll do it. Finding a job to begin with. Getting back an forth. Wondering where I'll stay if I lose the house. It's just a mess.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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Going to AA meetings is a great start, but you don't want to end up paying a bigger price than you need to and end up with a lot of regrets. I can certainly understand that right now, you are an emotional mess and that makes sense. But later when things settle down a little, you might want to go back and read some of the suggestions people have given you and maybe re-think your plans. Take care. John
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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Thanks John. I just need to think about what steps to take. If I do get hospitalized I'll miss all the court dates, won't be able to take care of things around the house, etc.
But I'll go over everything again tomorrow. I appreciate all the help.
But I'll go over everything again tomorrow. I appreciate all the help.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Wow, that sounds horrible. I'm glad she made it through though.
It looks like my life is about to be turned upside down. This comfy bed will no longer be mine. I don't know who will take my dog. I just want to sleep.
I just don't know how I'll do it. Finding a job to begin with. Getting back an forth. Wondering where I'll stay if I lose the house. It's just a mess.
JPhere I was happy about each and every dime she paid, happy about every probation visit, and every court appearance. Why you ask? Because she did not kill or injure anyone or herself. She was alive to pay, appear, and learn. She KNEW she had a drinking problem and kept denying it. Every dime spent brought the situation to light until she finally accepted she was an alcoholic. She's relapsed in the years since for short periods but is sober now.
This does not have to be an end-all situation. It can be a wake up call. Pull up your boot-straps and get out of bed. I'll tell you, on one of our 4 hour rides, we were on the turnpike and she was moaning and whining up a storm. Poor me, this sucks, the probation lady hates me..blah, blah, blah, I had, had it. I pulled over and I told her that I was sick and tired of her little pity party, and that she had 2 choices- turn this around, or get out of the car and walk. (she chose turn it around a few weeks later but at least in the car she stopped "the victim" attitude.)
So John, you are luckier than my daughter as you are not stuck on the turnpike faced with walking, with me as your driver.! But I will say the same thing to you. Pick yourself up. Stop with the poor me attitude, hold your head up high and walk straight into an AA meeting like today is going to change your life! Got it!
It looks like my life is about to be turned upside down. This comfy bed will no longer be mine. I don't know who will take my dog. I just want to sleep.
I just don't know how I'll do it. Finding a job to begin with. Getting back an forth. Wondering where I'll stay if I lose the house. It's just a mess.
JPhere I was happy about each and every dime she paid, happy about every probation visit, and every court appearance. Why you ask? Because she did not kill or injure anyone or herself. She was alive to pay, appear, and learn. She KNEW she had a drinking problem and kept denying it. Every dime spent brought the situation to light until she finally accepted she was an alcoholic. She's relapsed in the years since for short periods but is sober now.
This does not have to be an end-all situation. It can be a wake up call. Pull up your boot-straps and get out of bed. I'll tell you, on one of our 4 hour rides, we were on the turnpike and she was moaning and whining up a storm. Poor me, this sucks, the probation lady hates me..blah, blah, blah, I had, had it. I pulled over and I told her that I was sick and tired of her little pity party, and that she had 2 choices- turn this around, or get out of the car and walk. (she chose turn it around a few weeks later but at least in the car she stopped "the victim" attitude.)
So John, you are luckier than my daughter as you are not stuck on the turnpike faced with walking, with me as your driver.! But I will say the same thing to you. Pick yourself up. Stop with the poor me attitude, hold your head up high and walk straight into an AA meeting like today is going to change your life! Got it!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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lleana
Was your last post meant for me or the OP? As for me, that DUI was the best thing that happened to me. Saved my life and gave me 3 years of sobriety and a new outlook on life.
Sounds like your daughter learned a lot from her DUI. Sounds like she is also lucky to have you as her mother. John
Was your last post meant for me or the OP? As for me, that DUI was the best thing that happened to me. Saved my life and gave me 3 years of sobriety and a new outlook on life.
Sounds like your daughter learned a lot from her DUI. Sounds like she is also lucky to have you as her mother. John
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Sorry, John. Meant for original poster! Glad you could give the poster a positive outlook. Congrats on 3 years!!
At the time, I don't know if my daughter would say she was glad to have me as a mom, but she knew one thing, I was dead serious about her walking! And so did the 20 or so truckers sitting in the rest stop listening to me yell!!!
At the time, I don't know if my daughter would say she was glad to have me as a mom, but she knew one thing, I was dead serious about her walking! And so did the 20 or so truckers sitting in the rest stop listening to me yell!!!
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I understand what you're saying lleana. I'm in a little different situation though. I live on my own with a mortgage. I don't have anyone to take me here and there. Step father doesn't want me back. I can't really leave the state now.
I don't know. Maybe AA would be the first step. I'll look up some local meetings.
I don't know. Maybe AA would be the first step. I'll look up some local meetings.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Yes, you are right, our daughter had our support as she wasn't homeless. If nothing else, go to the AA meeting for legal reasons. The court really does recognize and looks favorably when someone voluntarily does something than when forced.
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True. I should have done it long before this happened. I have an appointment with a public defender later this month since I can't afford a regular lawyer. I'll just start with AA before I even see him or her.
I need to do this for myself and for everyone else.
I need to do this for myself and for everyone else.
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Some people, including me, needs to be hit with a major problem before we wake up and really take a good look at ourselves and our life. I learned a lot from getting that DUI and I think you will too. Who knows, but that DUI you got might of been a blessing and kept you from experiencing an even worse rock bottom. I have a feeling your life will turn out to be better than you know right now. Maybe in a few days when you don't feel so overwhelmed, you might want to write up a plan on what you can do get through this tough patch. I am real big on to do lists. Slows my brain down. It makes things much clearer and less stressful and I feel I am being successful and moving forward each time I cross something off the list. Maybe put don't drink no matter what as the first thing on that list (this one you DON'T CROSS OFF). After that, go to an AA meeting, etc. Maybe write some healthy things to do on that list like taking a walk, going to a movie, stuff like that. John
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One last thing before I give it a rest for tonight. I'm not sure how to find the best local AA meetings. Does it officially have to be called Alcoholics Anonymous? Probably a dumb question.
I think this would be great. Talking to people face to face who've been there. None of my friends or family understands it. Some have battled with depression and anxiety like I have but I don't know anyone who admits to being an alcoholic.
I think this would be great. Talking to people face to face who've been there. None of my friends or family understands it. Some have battled with depression and anxiety like I have but I don't know anyone who admits to being an alcoholic.
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You can do a search for AA meetings in your area. For times and where they are. I used to like ones that were in churches. I tried many before I got what is called a home group. Good luck JP. I know it is a worn statement, but it is said that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this can be your turning point.
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Originally Posted by Straightshoot
Oh and just because some are in churches they weren't necessarily religious orientated. Sometimes people will give you a lift to one also.
As far as regular AA meetings the nearest one I saw was 35 miles away and it didn't list any times or dates. There's a number though.
But thanks again.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
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As awful as all this must be, I'm glad nobody is seriously hurt (assuming her whiplash heals) and that you have a chance to turn this into something positive in the long run. I'm hoping everything works out well for you.
My wife's step-brother in law had multiple DUIs before he finally screwed up in a huge way. He was drunk one morning, slammed into a school bus and some kids were hurt. It was the last straw and the judge threw the book at him. He spent time in prison. Thank goodness this is nothing like that.
My wife's step-brother in law had multiple DUIs before he finally screwed up in a huge way. He was drunk one morning, slammed into a school bus and some kids were hurt. It was the last straw and the judge threw the book at him. He spent time in prison. Thank goodness this is nothing like that.
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Go meet with the public defender, who is a real, regular, licensed lawyer, and give them your whole hearted cooperation. I work with public defenders and it makes me cringe when people say "I want a real lawyer, not the public defender." Those public defenders do what they do because they believe in what they are doing. They aren't the bottom of the barrel law school graduates who can't get hired anywhere else. The jobs are competitive. They know the law. They know the prosecutors, they know the judges, they know the system and will work their hardest with what they have to get the fairest outcome for you. Have faith in them. And have faith in yourself. The only AA requirement is a desire to stop drinking. Find a meeting and go.
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Originally Posted by Ruby2
Go meet with the public defender, who is a real, regular, licensed lawyer, and give them your whole hearted cooperation. I work with public defenders and it makes me cringe when people say "I want a real lawyer, not the public defender." Those public defenders do what they do because they believe in what they are doing. They aren't the bottom of the barrel law school graduates who can't get hired anywhere else. The jobs are competitive. They know the law. They know the prosecutors, they know the judges, they know the system and will work their hardest with what they have to get the fairest outcome for you. Have faith in them.
You can only face what's Coming your way. I had my DUI in 2002 and it took me until 2014 to surrender...
Let this be a wake up call.
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