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Trying to hang in there

Old 09-09-2015, 10:39 AM
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Rar
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Trying to hang in there

Hi All........It's a hot, humid day Day 3 here - presently 89 degrees. Just finished a round of golf and relaxing now at home. Hubby has started to drink. I'm sipping on some Key Lime sparkling water, but I sure do want a cold beer. A day just like this was my trigger for Sunday's binge, with the initial thought of having just one or two. Incidentally, Hubby filled the refrigerator with my brand of beer yesterday, just in case I wanted a few after golf this week. Thought I would come here and read posts.
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Old 09-09-2015, 10:47 AM
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Coming here was a great idea. Just remember that it won't be only "a cold beer". It will be just like sunday when you though you could have one or two.

Is your husband aware of your desire to quit drinking? Perhaps you should have an honest conversation about it as him buying you alcohol is obviously not helping, right?
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Old 09-09-2015, 10:55 AM
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hi. thats great you can sip a sparkling water while hubby drinks ur favorite beer. how do you do that?! i will probably have to leave my boyfriend, he is a big beer drinker and i get mad at him while he drinks beer all day into the night on weekends. or should i sip tasty water like you are and not care what he drinks. i get mad cuz he gets drunk and a bit sloppy, and its becoming ugly to me. sorry, im not helping you, i guess im looking for help from you. you are alot stronger and healthier than me. i am new here so not sure even what to do. hope you played a great game!!
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:03 AM
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I think I'm the golf playing hubby (not yours, but another one). My drinking isn't off the scale, but a problem. If I was being dishonest, I'd say my wife 'nags at me' to stop.

But the reality is, she's right. It's not fun spending an evening with someone who is bumbling drunk around you and talking nonsense in their sleep.

I am 1 day sober, thanks to a book I read.

Going for 2 days tonight.
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:05 AM
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Rar
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I have spoken to him several times about my inability to stop drinking once I start. When I stopped last year, believe me it was VERY TOUGH, to live with his drinking. Eventually it got too much for me and I started to try to moderate. I spoke with him at the beginning of September when I wanted to stop again. On Monday I told him that I REALLY have a drinking problem and need to stop. He doesn't feel I have a problem because I was able to moderate for a few months. It's terribly tough right now.
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:13 AM
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Rar, hang in there. You can do this. When I quit, my husband was still drinking. It stinks, but you don't have to drink. Maybe go out of the house for a while. Get some ice cream.

You know you have a problem. If he's drinking and bought your favorite beer, he doesn't want to see that you have a problem. He loses his drinking buddy that way.

You can stay strong. Think of how awful hangovers are when it's so flipping hot out. How bad your head feels. I do not miss that at all. Keep posting
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:14 AM
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Originally Posted by Rar View Post
I have spoken to him several times about my inability to stop drinking once I start. When I stopped last year, believe me it was VERY TOUGH, to live with his drinking. Eventually it got too much for me and I started to try to moderate. I spoke with him at the beginning of September when I wanted to stop again. On Monday I told him that I REALLY have a drinking problem and need to stop. He doesn't feel I have a problem because I was able to moderate for a few months. It's terribly tough right now.
That's tough to deal with I'm sure. But it's not surprising unfortunately, I know several people ( including some family ) that just don't understand it either. I think what's most unfortunate is that he doesn't respect your decision - there's a difference between not understanding and actively encouraging you to drink despite your definition of the problem.

Fortunately you've got us here to help, have you considered any local support?
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:40 AM
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I wouldn't say he's encouraging me to drink- he's just not helping me. I frequently continue to drink after he's gone to bed and hide my beer cans so he doesn't know how much I drank. I think since my drinking is not directly affecting him, he doesn't view it at a problem.

Last year I received a diabetes diagnosis. At first my husband was very supportive in also eating the way I had to eat. That got old and now he purchases treats for himself and will purchase something for me that I can eat like cheese or nuts. Naturally, his treats appeal to me more than mine. LOL. I feel bad if he had to restrict himself on the things he likes just because I can't have them. That diabetes diagnosis (I think) is another of the many reasons I started to drink again, initially moderating. I felt sorry for myself because I couldn't eat or drink the things I loved.

I think I'm slowly realizing why I started again and can recognize some of my triggers. I just hope I'm smarter this time.
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:44 AM
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Originally Posted by Ruby2 View Post
Rar, hang in there. You can do this. When I quit, my husband was still drinking. It stinks, but you don't have to drink. Maybe go out of the house for a while. Get some ice cream.

You know you have a problem. If he's drinking and bought your favorite beer, he doesn't want to see that you have a problem. He loses his drinking buddy that way.

You can stay strong. Think of how awful hangovers are when it's so flipping hot out. How bad your head feels. I do not miss that at all. Keep posting
You are SO RIGHT Ruby. My husband doesn't go out to drink, he stays home with me. He is going to lose his drinking buddy.
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Old 09-09-2015, 12:08 PM
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Rar, good for you on coming here to read posts today. I've got a similar situation going on at home. My wife still drinks heavily and she drinks my beer of choice so the fridge is always stocked.

I had to realize that I was making this decision for me. I had to really understand that I can't control anyone other than me. It's definitely tough quitting while your spouse is drinking, but definitely doable.

I think most days, my wife really wants to quit too but just isn't ready yet. Again, that's her choice and I choose not to drink for me.

Hang in there, you can do this!
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Old 09-09-2015, 12:17 PM
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Originally Posted by Rar View Post
Hi All........It's a hot, humid day Day 3 here - presently 89 degrees. Just finished a round of golf and relaxing now at home. Hubby has started to drink. I'm sipping on some Key Lime sparkling water, but I sure do want a cold beer. A day just like this was my trigger for Sunday's binge, with the initial thought of having just one or two. Incidentally, Hubby filled the refrigerator with my brand of beer yesterday, just in case I wanted a few after golf this week. Thought I would come here and read posts.
Oh geez Rar. Does your hub know you are trying to quit? When I'm in a situation like that I try not to romanticize the drink....I play the tape all the way through, eyes closed, right to the hangover and the regret. The good aspects of alcohol, if there are any, are a myth for me. I'm good at chasing Unicorns. Too bad they don't exist.
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Old 09-09-2015, 12:21 PM
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Hi there and welcome. You'll hear over and over that recovery is an inside job that I must do for myself. That is so true. But it's really hard with a partner that drinks heavily, or even regularly, no doubt. My late husband drank a lot, maybe was an alcoholic (not like me however), and had he not died (that sounds awful) I would have died drinking or had to have left him. It was a very toxic entanglement. So much enabling and codependence. He would have loved me to death...and I would have let him.
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Old 09-09-2015, 02:31 PM
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Rar, the situation sounds tough. But you can be tougher. If you know for a fact that you have the inability to stop, then of course not starting is the best possible choice. I'm sure it will be an adjustment for your husband, hopefully he can understand and support. Sounds like a great guy actually. Even bought you your favorite beer out of consideration. Good for you on declining the offer.
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Old 09-09-2015, 03:20 PM
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Thanks Everyone for your support. My craving has turned to sadness and I feel a bit depressed right now. However, I know when I go to bed, I will be so relieved that I didn't drink today. Tomorrow morning, I will be even happier. I am grateful for your help and am SO GLAD I posted. Today could have been another Sunday and you folks helped me get through it.

I know Hubby basically means well. We've had evening drinks together throughout our careers and now in retirement, it doesn't seem right that one of us can't drink anymore. My drinking escalated and his did not.

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