Feeling guilty for having to go through all this again.
 

It's 5am where I am. I can't sleep & I'm a tad hungover. I was drinking wine and my boyfriend talked to me and basically said that even though the last year has been tough on me that it gives me no excuse to be emotionally abusive towards him. Clearly he is right. I have been on self destruct mode for most of the year and now after that conversation it is time to stop. Right now. So here is to a day 1, and I am going to need a ton of support from you all. Thanks in advance.

Hi Frixion
Ya, there really is nothing that drinking won't make worse. Congrats on day 1.

Thank you. Yeah I just keep trying to control alcohol, but when i try it lands up controlling me & makes matters worse.

We all had to start on a day 1. Right now it is the only day you have to be concerned with. You can do it.

Thanks Truckinon, I am going to try my best. Everyone has had to start with a day 1; I guess I just hate that I'm starting all over. If only I had stayed sober since last year!

The only thing that matters is what happens today, the past is unchangeable. Instead of hating what you've done, focus your energy on what you can do now, today, that will help you stay sober moving forward.

Do you follow any formal sobriety plan at all? Can you think of anything you can do differently this time to make your plan stronger? SR is here to help, let us know how we can.

My plan to stay sober includes going back to AA, seeing my therapist & a psychiatrist, and focusing on healthy lifestyle (working out & eating well). I'm hoping that I will find friend's at AA because ultimately my alcoholism seems to stem from loneliness. I need to create a support system. I think SR will help.

Sounds like you have lots of good things planned, a SR can absolutely be a help/addition to AA and therapy. Glad you can be here with us!

Congratulations on making the best decision of your life. We have all had a day one, but it brings to mind one of my favorite quotes. " Today is the first day of the rest of your life." You don't ever have to have a day one again. It is your choice. I can't think of anything that alcohol makes better for us that have no control. You have made a great decision. You can do this. We are all here for you.

I am excited to start a new life starting today, but I'm also terrified. I'm glad to have SR here to support me between meetings. Thank you!

Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are fighting a very strong and relentless enemy. It's not an enemy that's easy to defeat. It takes time and a lot of hard work, and unfortunately, occasional setbacks. The important thing is that you stay strong and keep fighting one day at a time. Each day you don't drink is a battle won. John

Congrats on making this decision and on day 1 Frixion. You can only control your actions from today and moving forward. Don't look at yesterday, just focus on getting your life back today.

You won't regret this decision. Lean on us as much as you need.

Frixion, I use SR daily for support and attend AA meetings when I can. It's taken a bit of time because I'm not always so outgoing but I've made 4 good friends that I keep in touch with daily. Stick with it. It's so much easier to not drink than to try to control my drinking. I think you will find that to be true. Be well

Thank you, frixion, for your post. I'm starting over too. It is humbling, but I do feel that there are lessons learned we can take forward.

Wishing you a joyous day.

Good luck. I dont think you will regret it.

Hi frixion... Congrats on day 1.. That's the hardest day out of the way.. try not to dwell on the past, that cannot be changed. I do get the odd fleeting moment of the past & the stupid things I did while drunk but as soon as this happens I remind myself that door is shut behind me & the door is open in front.. it soon passes.. Wishing you well & an even better day 2!!!!

Hi Frixon, I drink too much and become pretty mean to my boyfriend lately i think because i have no self esteem, take it out on him and i dont want to drink anymore but that is all we do. does your bf support your sobriety? i know mine wont. he will never stop drinking, he drinks to pass out on weekends, most of the time. i hate being lonely and i know once i choose to be sober i will be alone.

You are absolutely right, and this time around I'm going to make a point to remember how relentless this enemy is. I need to stop falling for those moments when I think Alcohol isn't so bad. That's what got me to relapse last time I think :(

It's so hard to focus on the future and accept the things I cannot change. I think I will just have to keep reminding myself that!

Wow I think I forgot about that. The best part of quiting was that I didn't have to try to control it anymore. I didn't even have to spend days stressing out about what I did when I drank. Thanks for this reply because it made me remember that life even felt better when I was sober.