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Feeling guilty for having to go through all this again.

Old 09-09-2015, 10:49 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by matilda123 View Post
Thank you, frixion, for your post. I'm starting over too. It is humbling, but I do feel that there are lessons learned we can take forward.

Wishing you a joyous day.
Well we can get through this with all this support from SR. I'm excited that we will see each other's progress as we go.
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Old 09-09-2015, 10:52 AM
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Originally Posted by jezza View Post
Hi frixion... Congrats on day 1.. That's the hardest day out of the way.. try not to dwell on the past, that cannot be changed. I do get the odd fleeting moment of the past & the stupid things I did while drunk but as soon as this happens I remind myself that door is shut behind me & the door is open in front.. it soon passes.. Wishing you well & an even better day 2!!!!
Thank you Jezza. I am hoping it gets better from here forward. Day 1 is a small number to me but the decision made on this day 1 is going to transform my life for the better!!
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by back2thegoodME View Post
Hi Frixon, I drink too much and become pretty mean to my boyfriend lately i think because i have no self esteem, take it out on him and i dont want to drink anymore but that is all we do. does your bf support your sobriety? i know mine wont. he will never stop drinking, he drinks to pass out on weekends, most of the time. i hate being lonely and i know once i choose to be sober i will be alone.
When I drink I pick fights about anything, and become like a child having a tantrum when he refuses to argue back with me. I am pathetic when drinking and my insecurities also come out.

He has always supported me in being sober, but he continues to drink because he does not have alcoholic tendencies as I do. Last time I started to recover, in my weakest moments he would talk me out of drinking.

I'm sorry to hear that your BF is unable to be supportive of your sobriety as he does have some alcoholic tendencies. Just remember it is always better to be healthy and productive alone than it is to suffer in a unhealthy situation. And even with that you are never truly alone; just as I am trying to build a supportive network - so can you
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Old 09-09-2015, 11:04 AM
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Congratulations on your new day one, and new sober journey. When will you be going along to AA?

If you enjoy reading, along with The Big Book, I would def recommend reading (or rereading) Living Sober. Also, The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions is, I think, fantastic for getting your head round the different steps. (Available to read online for free). Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
I also found listening to AA speaker recordings great for keeping me focussed and in 'recovery mode'. There are loads here... 5500+ AA Speaker Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
and also on youtube if you search for 'AA speaker' and whatever you're struggling with.

Onwards and upwards, eh x
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Old 09-10-2015, 09:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Beccybean View Post
Congratulations on your new day one, and new sober journey. When will you be going along to AA?

If you enjoy reading, along with The Big Book, I would def recommend reading (or rereading) Living Sober. Also, The 12 Steps and 12 Traditions is, I think, fantastic for getting your head round the different steps. (Available to read online for free). Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
I also found listening to AA speaker recordings great for keeping me focussed and in 'recovery mode'. There are loads here... 5500+ AA Speaker Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
and also on youtube if you search for 'AA speaker' and whatever you're struggling with.

Onwards and upwards, eh x
Thanks, last night I didn't make it to a meeting, but listening to a speaker was a great way to have part of the experience. Such a great idea - doesn't entirely replace meetings, but it sure is a great listen.
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Old 09-10-2015, 09:20 AM
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Great aren't they. I especially like Sandy B and Earl H and Mickey B. (And Clancy).
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Old 09-10-2015, 10:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Frixion View Post
Thanks Truckinon, I am going to try my best. Everyone has had to start with a day 1; I guess I just hate that I'm starting all over. If only I had stayed sober since last year!
We quit around the same time last year, I haven't stayed sober either, so lets do it this time

For some reason I'm mean to my boyfriends when I drink too; never to my family and friends though, I've never figure out why
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Old 09-10-2015, 12:27 PM
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Originally Posted by Jsbodhi View Post

We quit around the same time last year, I haven't stayed sober either, so lets do it this time

For some reason I'm mean to my boyfriends when I drink too; never to my family and friends though, I've never figure out why
For me personally I think it's me sabotaging my relationship because I don't feel that I am worth such a great partner. But why do I sabotage? I have no idea.

Well I guess actually now that I am saying that out loud (or in writing lol)... It clearly signifies a lack of self worth on my part. I don't know how to like myself, let alone think I am good enough for him.. whom I love.

I guess I have some thinking to do, and I am quite grateful that you had such a thought provoking response for me
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Old 09-10-2015, 12:47 PM
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Congrats on trying again Frixion
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Old 09-10-2015, 02:51 PM
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Originally Posted by back2thegoodME View Post
Hi Frixon, I drink too much and become pretty mean to my boyfriend lately i think because i have no self esteem, take it out on him and i dont want to drink anymore but that is all we do. does your bf support your sobriety? i know mine wont. he will never stop drinking, he drinks to pass out on weekends, most of the time. i hate being lonely and i know once i choose to be sober i will be alone.
You have to realize that no one will love you if you don't love yourself. It's just human nature. People are drawn to confidence (which comes from liking oneself). Before the advent of modern infrastructure and civilization, confidence was the difference between survival and death.

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Sorry to be so blunt, your comment just resonated with me because I've been there my whole life.
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Old 09-10-2015, 05:03 PM
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If it helps, think of it as 24 hours at a time. That's what I'm doing on this attempt. It seems to be helping me.
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Old 09-10-2015, 08:25 PM
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Welcome back Frixion

D
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Old 09-10-2015, 10:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Physics4Life View Post

You have to realize that no one will love you if you don't love yourself. It's just human nature. People are drawn to confidence (which comes from liking oneself). Before the advent of modern infrastructure and civilization, confidence was the difference between survival and death.

There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. Sorry to be so blunt, your comment just resonated with me because I've been there my whole life.
The more I share the more I am realizing how many people struggle with these same issues. It's odd how comforting it is to know that other people struggle with similar problems, makes it feel less daunting.
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