Guilty of minimizing
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Jeff, I agree with Scott and others on this one. I've been reading your posts since you got to SR and you write quite a bit about justifying your drinking.
I think that's part of the overall problem, and it is a problem with alcohol. It took me a long time to realize that I am part of the population that just can't drink. I don't have an off switch. That's not to say I couldn't have just a single drink today and stop for the afternoon. I probably could, but based on my personality and past history, I know exactly where that drink will take me with time.
It's really a question of where you want alcohol to fit into your life. Do you still want to be justifying your drinking 6 months from now, with on and off again drinking patterns that keep getting worse?
Like some of the others have said, is it really worth it to keep testing this? If you don't enjoy the drink any more then just don't drink. It doesn't sound like you've enjoyed the past 3 times you've drank.
If on the other hand you are trying to convince yourself that you've stepped into a new realm where you can now drink one or two without wanting a third or fourth then so be it.
I will tell you that I was where you are at in that reasoning last year. That reasoning left me with another wasted 12 months, full of drinking, self pitty, being broke, taking my life into my own hands every time I picked up a drink, needless fighting with my wife and kids... you know the drill because you've been there before too.
Until I realized that drinking won't bring anything good into my life, I was just setting myself up to fail at sobriety.
You're strong enough to make this change stick. You've got a hard and determined work ethic which can spill over into your efforts for maintaining sobriety. You've proven that in the past.
Just my opinion, but I don't see where drinking will bring you any closer to what you want out of your life.
I think that's part of the overall problem, and it is a problem with alcohol. It took me a long time to realize that I am part of the population that just can't drink. I don't have an off switch. That's not to say I couldn't have just a single drink today and stop for the afternoon. I probably could, but based on my personality and past history, I know exactly where that drink will take me with time.
It's really a question of where you want alcohol to fit into your life. Do you still want to be justifying your drinking 6 months from now, with on and off again drinking patterns that keep getting worse?
Like some of the others have said, is it really worth it to keep testing this? If you don't enjoy the drink any more then just don't drink. It doesn't sound like you've enjoyed the past 3 times you've drank.
If on the other hand you are trying to convince yourself that you've stepped into a new realm where you can now drink one or two without wanting a third or fourth then so be it.
I will tell you that I was where you are at in that reasoning last year. That reasoning left me with another wasted 12 months, full of drinking, self pitty, being broke, taking my life into my own hands every time I picked up a drink, needless fighting with my wife and kids... you know the drill because you've been there before too.
Until I realized that drinking won't bring anything good into my life, I was just setting myself up to fail at sobriety.
You're strong enough to make this change stick. You've got a hard and determined work ethic which can spill over into your efforts for maintaining sobriety. You've proven that in the past.
Just my opinion, but I don't see where drinking will bring you any closer to what you want out of your life.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Originally Posted by thomas11 
Thanks Matila, you are right. I just broke down pretty hard. I read intheend's post and it just hit me in the gut. I just turned 48 on the 4th and I don't want to just "exist" the rest of my life. Right now alcohol is not the problem, it is the feeling of failure and uncertainty about my future. Its just so hard to accept failure. it rips me apart. I've cried more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 10 years, and men aren't supposed to cry. So here I sit at my computer, alone, crying. It sucks. bad. Need to pull out of it.
We cannot change the past, but can only move forward. Part of that for me is just accepting where I'm at. We are about the same age. There is a lot of life left ahead for us.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Jeff, I have temendous respect for you and understand what you are going through. Your posts remind me a lot of myself in that I used to (and still do to an extent but am trying to change) heavily analyze your drinking, behavior, thoughts and emotions. At a certain level this is helpful, intelligent and wise. Taken to far it justs gets in the way of admitting the simplicity of the problem, as well as the simplicity of yhe solution. Problem: we are alcoholics or have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Solution: stop drinking, forever.
I remember hearing a quote once: "Bad things don't happen everytime I drink, but every time something bad happens I've been drinking"
I remember hearing a quote once: "Bad things don't happen everytime I drink, but every time something bad happens I've been drinking"
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Scott said: I understand you have a lot of other things going on in your life right now, big heavy things. But the bottom line is that if you don't respect your problem with alcohol and treat it as such, it's sill a problem and a threat to the rest of your life.
Can't argue with you there. Two things come to mind. One, people go through what I'm going through every frickin day...I'm not special, ok. I just need to make the transition, and move on with life. People out there file bankrupcy, get their home forclosed on, have children die in car accidents...so me feeling "sad" because I'm CHOOSING to sell my business is something I need grow the f*ck up about. Number two, I don't respect alcohol. Could be my problem. Like someone else said, its liquid that sits on a shelf. Its what I do with it that matters. No different than a gun. Its a hunk of metal, but it will kill you. Thanks Scotty for the insight. It helps.
Can't argue with you there. Two things come to mind. One, people go through what I'm going through every frickin day...I'm not special, ok. I just need to make the transition, and move on with life. People out there file bankrupcy, get their home forclosed on, have children die in car accidents...so me feeling "sad" because I'm CHOOSING to sell my business is something I need grow the f*ck up about. Number two, I don't respect alcohol. Could be my problem. Like someone else said, its liquid that sits on a shelf. Its what I do with it that matters. No different than a gun. Its a hunk of metal, but it will kill you. Thanks Scotty for the insight. It helps.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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End Game, I will never feel like I've short-changed myself by coming here and telling the truth. Now regarding honesty about my relationship with alcohol, I can find no holes in your statement. You and I both know what its like to be in the grips of hard-core alcoholism. And you and I both know it sucks, with brief glimmers of awesomeness. I'm not there "again". Not even close. You could probably tell me more about this thought I have: I think subconsciously I know the truth around how I hurt myself very badly, and alcohol played a factor. I stopped drinking because I had to, but I could go back to drinking right now if I wanted. But something tells me its not the right thing to do, its not cool, its not really fun, it feels "dirty" if you will. So recently I got into my 2nd drink and just dumped it. Why? I don't frickin know? Do you? is it my subconscious? Is it med related? All I know is that it (it being alcohol) doesn't do it for me. Regarding my accident, yeah, if I wasn't drunk it probably would not have happened, and yes it was serious. Lesson learned. Albeit a rather harsh one. At the end of the day, the started this thread because I feared that maybe I'm minimizing the seriousness of alcoholism and based on the responses, I probably am, and I need to get it through my very thick skull that it has done me NO favors in the last 9 years of my life.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thinking of you today Jeff. I know this is a rough period for you right now. If we can help by listening, please let us know. There is nothing wrong or weird about mourning the loss of your business, even if it is a decision you made.
I will say that there was a noticeable difference in the feel/mood of your posts when you reached a certain level of sobriety. I suspect that your anxiety/depression/sorrow is exacerbated by the alcohol, even if just small amounts.
I will say that there was a noticeable difference in the feel/mood of your posts when you reached a certain level of sobriety. I suspect that your anxiety/depression/sorrow is exacerbated by the alcohol, even if just small amounts.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Hi Jeff,
I'm relatively new here, and have only just read through your old posts (not all of them as there are over 2,000). It just shows how insidious alcoholism is that even after all you've been through, you've posed the question you have in this thread. The simple answer to which is if you aren't telling yourself you are an alcoholic who is incapable of moderate drinking, then yes, you are minimising it.
The fact you're even asking that, to me suggests that you need help beyond what anyone on these forums can offer. What struck me the most is how unanimous and consistent (and extremely supportive) the advice you've received here has been since you first posted. And yet while you frequently say how valid some of the comments are, it's had no obvious lasting impact on your thinking or behaviour. So perhaps I missed it and you've tried this already, but it must be time to seek professional help to work through whatever it is that leaves you unable to see or act on the bleedin' obvious. There is absolutely no shame in seeing a counsellor to talk through your issues. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to acknowledge when you need outside help. There can be a vicious circle where people drink to deal with issues, and the drinking makes those issues worse, and there's only one direction that's going to go. You need to find a way to break out of that, and I suspect that's going to need one on one sessions with a trained professional. By all means, keep posting here, and you will continue to receive whatever support people here can offer, but it seems clear that, on it's own, is not enough.
I'm relatively new here, and have only just read through your old posts (not all of them as there are over 2,000). It just shows how insidious alcoholism is that even after all you've been through, you've posed the question you have in this thread. The simple answer to which is if you aren't telling yourself you are an alcoholic who is incapable of moderate drinking, then yes, you are minimising it.
The fact you're even asking that, to me suggests that you need help beyond what anyone on these forums can offer. What struck me the most is how unanimous and consistent (and extremely supportive) the advice you've received here has been since you first posted. And yet while you frequently say how valid some of the comments are, it's had no obvious lasting impact on your thinking or behaviour. So perhaps I missed it and you've tried this already, but it must be time to seek professional help to work through whatever it is that leaves you unable to see or act on the bleedin' obvious. There is absolutely no shame in seeing a counsellor to talk through your issues. It's a sign of strength, not weakness, to acknowledge when you need outside help. There can be a vicious circle where people drink to deal with issues, and the drinking makes those issues worse, and there's only one direction that's going to go. You need to find a way to break out of that, and I suspect that's going to need one on one sessions with a trained professional. By all means, keep posting here, and you will continue to receive whatever support people here can offer, but it seems clear that, on it's own, is not enough.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by thomas11
People out there file bankrupcy, get their home forclosed on, have children die in car accidents...so me feeling "sad" because I'm CHOOSING to sell my business is something I need grow the f*ck up about. .
We each do what we can with the cards we are dealt with. Looking over our shoulders does neither ourselves or anyone else any good. Play the hand you've got and do your best.
Number two, I don't respect alcohol. Could be my problem. Like someone else said, its liquid that sits on a shelf. Its what I do with it that matters. No different than a gun. Its a hunk of metal, but it will kill you. Thanks Scotty for the insight. It helps.
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