ChancesAh

What symptoms and changes, such as stress, sleep, anxiety, depression and emotions do you experience on the sober road.

I gave up on January 1st. I drank for 5 days in late March. A little bit of a planned relapsed - drink for 2 days during an `old friends' catch up - it was 5 days. I was sick and my ability not to drink was again proven to me.

When I first stopped in January I remember about 3 weeks of chronic fatigue, scrambled thinking and my speech was affected. I was talking fast, my brain was racing during normal conversations and I was missing words. It literally scared the **** out of me. I thought I had some serious health & brain issues starting to surface.

After 8 months I usually don't 'desire' alcohol very much. I get the occasional moment where I won't a beer or miss my 'old life'.
If anything I believe I'm going through a realisation and grieving stage. Many people who were friends have drifted away and most of those who haven't reassure me that my not drinking is a bit excessive as I really didn't drink that much. It's a realisation because they are all drinking buddies and the reassurance is really just final attempts in them trying to bring me back to the fold. I don't blame them. In there position I probably did and would do the same. In my position I have to keep moving on from them. Overall in giving up drinking for me I've had to give up 90% of my friend ands and 95% of my social activities. Combined with this not drinking means my ability to socialise - ie liquid courage & confidence is gone too.
Probably a common scenario for most and I don't regret my choice to stop - but it's still a grieving process.

The positives of sobriety for me - I am more financial. Generally I sleep better. My patience is improving. I am becoming more positively self aware in that I'm trying to improve my character, the way I deal with people and especially my efforts towards my kids. I'm far heathier without hang overs & night sweets plus I don't get as anxious, angry or depressed. The anger and mood changes have been very slow but hopefully will continue. I've never really had a great deal of positive - happy / caring type of emotions but they are starting to slowly appear in small doses.

After 8 months (I say 8 despite my drinking in March as the worse of the symptoms were late January to mid Feb) I can still say alcohol is still having a big impact on my life. It's everywhere. I consider it in my social choices (95% that means declining after work drinks or avoiding social functions I would like to go to but don't feel 100% confident). I also find my interactions with the neighbours have declined - generally about from short conversations anything else involved beers so neighbourhood friends are now just acquitances.

Alcohol was certainly ingrained in so many aspects of my life it amazes me. Whilst I struggle to rebuild and find alternatives - 'learn to live sober' it's also a good reminder of the fact I am an alcoholic. Alcohol might be everywhere in society but I sure as hell did a great job incorporating it into every aspect of my being. I laugh at my stupidity sometimes but like all problems alcoholism can be faced and addressed or allowed to destroy you.

I read a comment from a moderator recently in relation to a desire for beer and mourning moment I had for beer. He 'use' to have those too in the early stages. I long for the days and alcohol is just a memory or a past activity which has no direct affect on my thinking, feelings and decisions.

It would be interesting to know what others experience, but I imagine it won't be much different to my experiences. Just different people, places and events with the same old alcoholic thinking and reasoning.

Anyway, I not really looking for advice, just ranting and self assessing. If I haven't stated it clearly in my post - 'Giving up drinking, whilst a major life altering decision was the best thing I've ever done. I choose life over a destructive liquid poison'.
Thanks

Anna

Congratulations on your recovery.

Have you read "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp? She was a thirtyish, high-functioning, career-oriented woman who explores her love affair with alcohol and the consequent loss. It's really an amazing book.

I hope that you continue to find activities not centered around alcohol. I was lucky to get involved with a volunteer situation that led to many wonderful (sober) friendships.

Ileana

I 2nd Anna's recommendation. What a great book. It was THE first time I read a book where over and over again I thought...Exactly. Everything she articulated I felt or had felt at one time. Definitely recommend.