Hello and a question or two
 

This is my first post. I am on Day 7 of no alcohol.

I have never been a super-heavy drinker, but my relationship with drinking is unhealthy. I drink because I have social anxiety, I drink around my family/friends, and I drink to celebrate, relax and have fun. I love pairing wine and food and love drinking beer. I generally keep it to the weekends but if I go out during the week it is all I can do to keep it to 2.

I can moderate a lot of the time but I find that I have obsessive thoughts. I always want to keep going. I rarely get really drunk these days but in the past I definitely did. What I am noticing lately is Monday (after drinking F Sa Su) I am anxious and depressed. I start feeling good again by Thursday and then I start the cycle over on Friday.

When I think about quitting forever, I get really anxious. I honestly can't imagine being with my family of origin, going to a wedding, etc etc etc without drinking. I am going on a big vacation in less than two weeks and will probably drink a bit there.

I was talking to one of my pals who has been in recovery for a long time. He asked me a bunch of questions about my habits. He told me, "you can get off at any floor; you don't have to go all the way down."

This resonated with me AND I feel resistant. That said, here I am really happy that I didn't drink all weekend.

Has anyone here quit before you "had to?" Not exactly sure what I am asking.

When I got sober, I had lost my self respect and the respect of my kids. I could have gone further down but didn't want to get any lower. Congrats on your sober week. Don't drink and it will just get better. :)

One thing I can tell you for sure is that alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will get worse unless you stop drinking. So, you may feel you have some control now, but the future could be very different.

Personally, I didn't like myself when I was drinking, no matter how little I was drinking at the time. I didn't like the obsessive thoughts, the planning and sneaking and hiding my drinking. I have never, for one second, regretted stopping drinking.

hi beeme -- I can relate, I stopped before I "had to". On most occasions I could still control my drinking, although it was increasing over time. I was building up tolerance, so I could drink 4 glasses of wine and not feel drunk, and I did that lots of nights. On just a few occasions I lost control -- drank too much at a company party, and didn't remember the last half of the evening. Drank too much at a baby shower and drove home drunk.

Those were warning signs to me, and I also had negative moods and anxiousness as you described. I was starting to obsess about alcohol -- just focused on planning my evenings around a bottle of wine, and didn't want to do things that didn't involve wine.

So that's it ... no DUI's, no warnings or ultimatums from anyone around me such as my employer or family. I was just beginning to sense that the elevator was headed down, and I wanted to get off before it went further. I've been sober one year, and I don't regret it.

You are just like me, except I didn't have the fear of not drinking at functions. If I had to drive or whatever, e.g. walk around Disneyang for 2 days, I would not drink.

Otherwise, I would have a 4 or 6 shots a few times a week. But, my problem was binging. Sometimes, I would over drink a 750 ml. In 2 days. I rationalized I was just finishing off the bottle. Never drove drunk to buy more. But, sometimes I would finish a bottle of whiskey, and then drink a few beers, sometimes warm, that I had in the garage.

The long hangovers, I learned, we're withdrawals. The ready to drink, ya!, I am ready for the weekend feeling, was just a cycle in my death spiral.

Google kindling and PAWS.

Hmmm, I just read about kindling and PAWS. Definitely food for thought.

I went to an AA meeting yesterday but didn't say that I am an alcoholic. I said, "I am exploring my relationship with alcohol."

Why is it so hard to say that word? I actually don't think that I am but then I wonder if I am just in denial.

Thanks for the welcomes, you guys.

IMHO it gets progressively more difficult to quit the longer you drink; you will likely add YEARS of value to your life (and likely some real time too) if you stop sooner rather than later. Less anxiety, less tension, less likelihood of seriously screwing up something, no chance of having a DWI, better/more honest relationships, the list goes on an on. So don't delay by even one day or week. Continue the week indefinitely and you will thank yourself later.

Alcoholic
You probably hope that if you aren't you can continue to drink, to have a normal relationship with alcohol.

How's that been working for you up to now?

Hi Beeme :)

one thing I discovered is you don't need to wait for your 'bottom'.
Catastrophes are not mandatory.

To me, now, a bottom is simply a decision not to live that way a minute longer.

You can get off the elevator at any floor you like without waiting to go down into the basement :)

Hello Beeme!

I love what your friend said, 'You can get off at any floor'. How I wish I had. I started out drinking the way you have been - to take the edge off in social situations & relax a little. I was able to control myself for a few years, but as Anna said - it's a progressive disease. If you're an alcoholic, the day will come when it will rule your life if you continue to drink. I never imagined myself being totally dependent on it, but that's what happened. I'm glad you're taking a hard look at what it does to your life. Congrats on your Day 7. :) Glad you are with us.

Dee knocks it out of the ballpark again. I'll remember this one.

Welcome to the Forum Beeme!! :wave:

I'm quitting before I "had to" as well.
No DUI, no serious consequences, healthy, everything is great actually.
Its just alcohol is a very dark space in my life, I'm a wine binge drinker a couple nights a week, sometimes less, but theres no doubt I'll get ill or end up
drinking all day everyday at some point.
Its interesting to me, because I don't get anxious about never drinking again, a sober life seems delightful, what fills me with dread is continuing to drink; I thought I could stop when I wanted because I really don't drink that much- but I've been trying to stop for over 9 months, its very scary.

I quit drinking while I was still employed and relatively healthy, and before I got a DUI. Had I hit rock bottom? Maybe not. But I am really glad that I stopped digging.....

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us. :grouphug:

Did I HAVE to quit? I guess it depends on what you mean by "have to".

Did my DR tell me I was going to die? No.
Was it court ordered? No.
Was it demanded by family, friends work etc? No.

Did I know something somewhere was wrong? Yes.
Did I know I needed to figure out why I was unhappy? Yes.
Did I have to start living my life again? Yes.
Did I have to stop feeling hung over all the time? Yes. BTW when your hangovers are really bad, and constant, that is a form of withdrawal.
Did I have to have a better outlook on life? Yes.
Did I have to spend more time with my family? Yes.

Did I HAVE to quit? No. But did I have to quit for me? Yes.

A lot of nights, I would sneak into the garage and gulp beer just to hide it from my family. I knew I something was wrong, but it wasnt until I came here I found out it was alcohol, and it was pretty much staring me in the face. I still have trouble coming to terms with the word alcoholic but I think that is because I am still a little in denial.

That is/was your rock bottom if you never pick it up again.

You can choose if that is your bottom or not. That is how I look at my story compared to others. Alcohol wasnt having negative impact on my physical health, but mentally it was. I didnt ge ta DUI, get fired, lose my family etc. But I want that to be my bottom. I dont want to go any further down.

Hi.
Years ago things were getting bad within me and a friend encouraged me to go to AA with him as he had a couple years sober time. I wish I had got off the elevator at that point. I didn’t want to be an alcoholic or give up my so called “friend” alcohol.

After a period of continued drinking it became clearer that alcoholism is very progressive and alcohol is cunning, baffling, powerful and insidious.
The simple “cure” is to stop drinking.
I tried a suggestion of the time and stopped drinking for 90 days. They said if I didn’t like the results the door was open and my misery was refundable. A lot of years later I’m still here.

It’s strongly suggested that we be honest with ourselves about our drinking AND accept that we cannot drink alcohol in safety one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL

I thought I was like you. It's only since I have got my life back that I realise how rubbish it actually was. How much I was controlled by fear; anxiety; resentments and, of course, the obsession to fill my weekends with drinking. How much I acted in ways I hated myself for. How much I'd become a person I disliked having to spend time with. The light was off and I was in the dark - no wonder I couldn't appreciate how far down I'd dug myself in. Recovery has enlightened me. My perspective has changed and I can see myself and my life from a different angle, and from this perspective there's a lot of hope.

Welcome BeeMe

Welcome Beeme. :welcome