Met my wife when I was a drunk. Questions?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 44
Met my wife when I was a drunk. Questions?
I am only 25 days now but this recurring thought is killing me. I met my wife when I was a drunk. We dated and had a family when I was a drunk. Got married when I was drunk. Now that I am sober (and rid of all destructive behavior) I feel I don't really know her and am just learning who I am. Has anyone experienced this?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
I met my wife when I was a drunk too. Well dated her for 8 years. We didn't marry until I was two years sober. We had many, many times in my early sobriety when I thought we wouldn't make it.
Early recovery is hard, very hard. There's a guideline of not making any major life changes (besides staying so er and doing whatever that takes, which is it's own gigantic life change) in the first year of sobriety. My partner went through a lot of growing pains. There were many days We both questioned if this relationship was what we wanted.
I think if you continue to work hard on sobriety and becoming a better sober person, your marriage will grow too. In my case there were a lot of uncomfortable moments, and a lot of tough times. But what we have now is hard own and wonderful.
You raise a good point. Your wife was in a place in her life where she fell in love with and married a drunk. She may well have work to do as well. The most important thing is to work on your own recovery. Our partners own recoveries from our alcoholism is their business.
Best wishes on your sober bright future, and congrats on 25 days!!
Early recovery is hard, very hard. There's a guideline of not making any major life changes (besides staying so er and doing whatever that takes, which is it's own gigantic life change) in the first year of sobriety. My partner went through a lot of growing pains. There were many days We both questioned if this relationship was what we wanted.
I think if you continue to work hard on sobriety and becoming a better sober person, your marriage will grow too. In my case there were a lot of uncomfortable moments, and a lot of tough times. But what we have now is hard own and wonderful.
You raise a good point. Your wife was in a place in her life where she fell in love with and married a drunk. She may well have work to do as well. The most important thing is to work on your own recovery. Our partners own recoveries from our alcoholism is their business.
Best wishes on your sober bright future, and congrats on 25 days!!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Yes, I can relate. I was in a 6 year relationship that coincided with the stages of my alcoholism unfortunately. By the end of it, I was unemployed, broke, and a 40 pounds overweight bloated mess.
I went to rehab realized that I didn't have much in common with my girlfriend anymore. We parted ways on good terms however. We both knew that it was time to move on. I feel guilty for her having to put up with my alcoholism for so long. I am a different person when actively drinking. If I am not drunk, then I am miserably hungover. She never really knew the real me...
I went to rehab realized that I didn't have much in common with my girlfriend anymore. We parted ways on good terms however. We both knew that it was time to move on. I feel guilty for her having to put up with my alcoholism for so long. I am a different person when actively drinking. If I am not drunk, then I am miserably hungover. She never really knew the real me...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
I met my husband, married, had a little
family, stay at home mom, relocated,
entered recovery all before, during and
after my drinking career.
We stayed married for 25 yrs. with
just me in recovery, husband and kids
no addiction, ended due to lack of
understanding and communication.
Today, just recently celebrated my
25th sobriety anniversary, a many
one days sober at a time to get me
where I am today, remarried 6 yrs,
healthy, happy, honest in all my affairs.
No matter what life thru at me, I
held tight to recovery support,
continued to incorperate all that
was taught to me and that I learned
thru out the yrs into all areas of my
life.
Today, there is still no doubt, no
inkling thoughts that I can ever
drink or consume alcohol, poison
or any kind of controlled substance
successfully in my life. It just aint
gonna happen.
Does that bother me. Not in the least.
Why?
Alcohol never worked for me back
then, nor will it work for me today.
As long as Ive got the support of
a recovery program to guide me
along in my journey and faith in
a Power greater than I, then im
pretty darn sure I wont drink today
and end my life.
Listen Learn Absorb Apply
family, stay at home mom, relocated,
entered recovery all before, during and
after my drinking career.
We stayed married for 25 yrs. with
just me in recovery, husband and kids
no addiction, ended due to lack of
understanding and communication.
Today, just recently celebrated my
25th sobriety anniversary, a many
one days sober at a time to get me
where I am today, remarried 6 yrs,
healthy, happy, honest in all my affairs.
No matter what life thru at me, I
held tight to recovery support,
continued to incorperate all that
was taught to me and that I learned
thru out the yrs into all areas of my
life.
Today, there is still no doubt, no
inkling thoughts that I can ever
drink or consume alcohol, poison
or any kind of controlled substance
successfully in my life. It just aint
gonna happen.
Does that bother me. Not in the least.
Why?
Alcohol never worked for me back
then, nor will it work for me today.
As long as Ive got the support of
a recovery program to guide me
along in my journey and faith in
a Power greater than I, then im
pretty darn sure I wont drink today
and end my life.
Listen Learn Absorb Apply
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Oh goodness yes! Going through it right now! I got sober last December, my partner is in rehab now....we've never known each other sober. It's a whole new ball game. Drinking has been our thing together. Have no idea what to expect now. I wish you all the best on your new journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I met my partner in a bar six years ago during my drinking days. I've been sober almost 3 years....and he hasn't. It's been quite a journey during the past few years navigating our relationship. There have been some ups as well as some downs. It does feel like I'm getting to know him on a different level.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
I've never experienced it myself, but yeah, it seems pretty common. Quite a few wives show up here confused, and wondering why their husband is all of a sudden so distant after recovery. They thought recovery was supposed to help things, not destroy the relationship.
Sorry, no advice. But yeah, it's a pretty common theme.
Sorry, no advice. But yeah, it's a pretty common theme.
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