countrygirl2014

As I mentioned in another post I've had shingles. Then an allergic reaction to the meds they gave me. My nervous system is a complete mess and the doctors keep saying wait it out. I can't take this anymore. I'm nasty, worse then when I was drinking. I'm irrational. I hate my life. I hate everything. I feel pain with everything I do. I have a twitch and a stutter. I can't stop crying. My boyfriend who I have dealt with for four years coming home drunker than ever just told me he is can stop loving me because of all of this. I feel my daughter hates her new nasty mom that can't get out of bed. She confided something in my boyfriend and no one is telling me what. He only smiles and says I've gained her trust and you are losing it and need to calm down. I feel like the whole world is against me and has just left me in the dust. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow, if I can, coming up on 12 months and my whole world is crumpling. I need to get better!!! I can't live like this anymore!!! What is going on??? This just doesn't seem fair. Put me in my place if you have to. I am spiraling and there is nothing I can do.

Jennifer

ScottFromWI

You have a lot going on...but drinking will make it all worse of course. Perhaps you can break things down and just deal with one at a time? Going to a meeting sounds like a great idea, you can spend some time there for just you...and get away from your surroundings for a little while if nothing else

Upwardspiral

I'm sorry Jennifer. It sucks that your boyfriend is being so unsupportive, and he has no place telling you how you should be. Your daughter may resent you now but she probably can't fully understand what you're going through; kids seem to be mostly concerned with what THEY feel. In the long run it will be way better for your relationship with her if you hold on and fight for your sobriety. Hope you start feeling better soon and can find some relief in the meeting.

Venecia

Jennifer, I'm sorry you're hurting. From what others have told me, shingles are absolutely awful. Hopefully, you'll be in full recovery from it soon.

There have been quite a few times you've brought up your boyfriend.

Why do you think he is worthy of you? What positive contributions does he make to your life?

D122y

Sorry you are in so much pain.

I can't imagine how hard it must be.

Praying for you.

Mags1

Hi Jennifer, it is so painful, shingles. I know that side of what you're going through.
I do know when I had shingles I went back to work too soon, stupidly, and they developed again. I hadn't given myself time to recover. So please try to rest as much as you can, look after yourself, have warm baths.

Your partner isn't supporting you at all, instead he is being a child! Your daughter perhaps doesn't understand the pain and anxiety you are, especially how you're being treat by your partner.

Take care of yourself, but try not to get anxious, I'm sure this won't help the shingles.

countrygirl2014

Hold on and fight for my sobriety....that's what I need to do. It's just so hard to focus. My god.... And the boyfriend...errrr yes I have brought him up yet again. Full time school and no income for me until at least spring, I am here. I thought I was accepting of his alcoholism. I've been patient and not letting it show, to me or anyone else, that it was getting to me. They say stress brings on shingles. I feel Everything I do is an attack on his drinking. Including having to call him to bring me to the doctor for the reaction to the meds. I feel That cut into his drinking time so he has been bitter since. I am slipping into an old mind frame that I don't particularly enjoy because of this whole friggin incident. I actually went back and inserted "I feel" in front of my statements because I am seriously doubting my judgement. Am I doing "poor me" again? Have I gone back 11-12 months mentally?

Jennifer

Mags1

Your immune system is down, which doesn't help while you're feeling low. As you say, anxiety can help make it worse so worrying about your boyfriends drinking is absolutely not doing you any good at all.

You haven't gone back months, you're sober! Get yourself well, have plenty of me time, drink plenty of fluids and go with it. It will pass but can flare up so it is important to settle yourself.

And I suspect he would be upset if you're interfering with his drinking time! Enough for a tantrum.

You don't have to have a brave face, you're poorly, you have a virus, this is a good a time as ever to cherish yourself.