OpenTuning

You're doing brilliantly so far, and you have such a fantastic attitude. Writing that first post was incredibly brave, and a huge step. And it's now there for you to look back on if/when your Addictive Voice starts saying you've proven you aren't an alcoholic because you've gone X number of days without drinking, so you can try moderate drinking. It contains all the proof you might need that that isn't an option for you.

I really liked Melindaflowers post about whether you were actually enjoying drinking. That was the big turning point for me, when I realised how much of my drinking was out of habit rather than enjoyment. It helped me to avoid looking at non-drinking as punishment, or a sacrifice to be endured. I still have that voice telling me to try moderate drinking, but it's now much easier to ignore.

InTheEnd

Good comparison! I used to do that when I was a kid too, when walking home and I came up to the same huge hill everyday. (I hadn't thought about that forever!) I will use this in the future when struggling.

Madruski....I'm on day 29 today and this is my 3rd try over the last 10 years. This time, I know there's no going back. I can't moderate, well....let me rephrase. I tried to moderate, and I can count on one hand (maybe two) how many times I was successful. My only sense of achievement over the last 10 years were those 2 weeks sober, twice...those very few mornings I was able to moderate and woke up "less hungover" then usual and then.....the best achievement of all!?!?! Making through the day....that was it! Just waking up, working, and pouring that glass of wine at night as a reward. That was a good day for me. Just going through the motions of life, or what my life had become.

When I think "How am I gonna make it through this life sober"? All I have to do is look back over the last 30 years (especially the last 10). And I think...."How am I gonna make it through this life drinking"?

I won't......

Madruski

Thanks opentuning , it was definitely something that had to be done.

Dee , the step by step has been my moto for everything for a while now, only thing undermining me was drinking.

Thanks everyone for the good feedback, iam quite determined to keep going .

freshstart57

It was drinking that kept me locked up, imprisoned in larger and larger bottles of cheaper and cheaper vodka. Choosing to never drink again has opened the door again, and allowed me to set myself free. You can do it too - decide to 'never now drink', and do it! You deserve it, don't you think?

Aellyce

Lots of good comments here, Madruski. I will only add, why not challenge yourself such that instead of viewing life in monochrome, give yourself a chance to discover and experience it in full technicolor (and I don't mean purely bright and good things here, but the full palette). It may take a while in sobriety to see that way if you are not used to it, but the many responses encouraging you here suggest just that: a change in vision and perspective. For me, the real inspiration has been not simply just not drinking, but hundreds of things I imagined doing sober, things I had dreamed of but never done before, and entirely new things as well. Like freshstart said, stopping drinking for good is a door that you can choose to open for yourself, but the real deal is what awaits behind the door. It takes work, hard work initially, but why not try something new instead of those bleak and familiar perspectives?

Lance40

Wow - that's an inspirational post!