28days!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
28days!
Nothing new to report really except today is day 28!!!!
Joined a new gym just to get a fresh start. The old seemed almost like a trigger for some reason. After my workout at the old gym, I would leave and get my "well deserved wine" for being such a "good fit girl". After working out, I feel fabulous (even when I was drinking, though I didn't work out as much at all towards the end). The past few weeks, every single time I'd get in that car after a work out, my thoughts went right to wine. It has helped....the new "scenery" has calmed that down.....as well, a new group of faces and meeting new people also has been awesome!
Sober feels really good.
Learning how to deal with things (or sometimes NOT dealing with them at the moment of "impact" seems to be the better way to go) is definitely a challenge, but I accept! I've had a few times I've exploded for no valid reason (still learning to deal with disappointment and my emotions), but I'm getting better at catching it, remove myself from the situation until I regain my "sober" senses and then confront the situation in a reasonable way.
I've noticed those same feelings I've had when I was drinking creep in occasionally.....mostly the worthlessness. Like joining the new gym. When I first thought I should do it, the voice (AV maybe?) in my head started in on me. "You'll embarrass yourself....no one will like you, etc. And then the voice (def my AV!) said "If you do go, you should have a glass of wine, just to make you more interesting to others". Well, that pissed me off!!! So I went anyway despite the "voice" and without that glass of wine and all was just fine. SHUT UP AV! YOU'RE A LIAR!
I've found that my biggest weakness right now, early in sobriety is that negative voice I've always had in my head since I was a kid, even before drinking. I'm also beginning to believe that alcohol shut it up for quite a when I started drinking which seemed like a blessing back then. But we all know where that road leads.....and it lead me right here to SR.
I have to ignore that voice sometimes to get out and do what normal people do. Once last week, just getting ready to go to the grocery store, was a mini battle in my head (I did this NON-STOP while drinking....made simple things seem so difficult, then just give up and not follow through). After a few minutes of that, I thought how stupid it was, shut the voice down and off I went. And guess what? It all was just fine. Cognitive behavior therapy is working wonders!
Lot's of mental gymnastics going on in my head this last month, but doing them sober is a lot less exhausting.
Thanks for listening y'all and have a great day!
Joined a new gym just to get a fresh start. The old seemed almost like a trigger for some reason. After my workout at the old gym, I would leave and get my "well deserved wine" for being such a "good fit girl". After working out, I feel fabulous (even when I was drinking, though I didn't work out as much at all towards the end). The past few weeks, every single time I'd get in that car after a work out, my thoughts went right to wine. It has helped....the new "scenery" has calmed that down.....as well, a new group of faces and meeting new people also has been awesome!
Sober feels really good.
Learning how to deal with things (or sometimes NOT dealing with them at the moment of "impact" seems to be the better way to go) is definitely a challenge, but I accept! I've had a few times I've exploded for no valid reason (still learning to deal with disappointment and my emotions), but I'm getting better at catching it, remove myself from the situation until I regain my "sober" senses and then confront the situation in a reasonable way.
I've noticed those same feelings I've had when I was drinking creep in occasionally.....mostly the worthlessness. Like joining the new gym. When I first thought I should do it, the voice (AV maybe?) in my head started in on me. "You'll embarrass yourself....no one will like you, etc. And then the voice (def my AV!) said "If you do go, you should have a glass of wine, just to make you more interesting to others". Well, that pissed me off!!! So I went anyway despite the "voice" and without that glass of wine and all was just fine. SHUT UP AV! YOU'RE A LIAR!
I've found that my biggest weakness right now, early in sobriety is that negative voice I've always had in my head since I was a kid, even before drinking. I'm also beginning to believe that alcohol shut it up for quite a when I started drinking which seemed like a blessing back then. But we all know where that road leads.....and it lead me right here to SR.
I have to ignore that voice sometimes to get out and do what normal people do. Once last week, just getting ready to go to the grocery store, was a mini battle in my head (I did this NON-STOP while drinking....made simple things seem so difficult, then just give up and not follow through). After a few minutes of that, I thought how stupid it was, shut the voice down and off I went. And guess what? It all was just fine. Cognitive behavior therapy is working wonders!
Lot's of mental gymnastics going on in my head this last month, but doing them sober is a lot less exhausting.
Thanks for listening y'all and have a great day!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Thanks everyone! It's definitely strange. Things I did years ago (as basic as going to the store) I did without a thought. Then when drinking for so many years, basic things seemed so difficult because of the guilt, shame, and worthlessness I felt. Alcohol had me believing that even strangers knew what a POS my life had become and I shouldn't even subject them to the mess I was. And this was when I wasn't drunk, but just hungover. I guess I felt like I didn't "deserve" to be at the store? Makes no sense but thats pretty much how I felt daily. Sort of a feeling of not being good enough of to include myself in the human race.
I'm still fighting that, but each time I find the strength and just do what I've planned on, it gets easier and builds my confidence.
I am worthy. We all are.
I'm still fighting that, but each time I find the strength and just do what I've planned on, it gets easier and builds my confidence.
I am worthy. We all are.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,042
28 days is brilliant InTheEnd! Well done you, despite the pest voice inside.
I too used to work out whilst drinking and look forward to getting wasted cos I'd been such a "good fit girl". Feels crazy when I think about it now, all that effort and sweat, just to poison it all away.
Something to look forward to though ........... (you may already have experienced it? ?), your workouts will really improve, I mean really really. It's like your body starts to dramatically reward you for not pouring rubbish in every day. I think at about a month or six weeks of being sober, I couldn't believe how much my stamina and strength had improved.
Let me know!
xx
I too used to work out whilst drinking and look forward to getting wasted cos I'd been such a "good fit girl". Feels crazy when I think about it now, all that effort and sweat, just to poison it all away.
Something to look forward to though ........... (you may already have experienced it? ?), your workouts will really improve, I mean really really. It's like your body starts to dramatically reward you for not pouring rubbish in every day. I think at about a month or six weeks of being sober, I couldn't believe how much my stamina and strength had improved.
Let me know!
xx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: minnesota
Posts: 272
I personally think that drinking alcohol/taking drugs (my story) just plain kills my Spirit. it's a slow kill of the Spirit within. Call it guilt, shame, worthlessness, whatever. Sobriety renews my Spirit, fills me with joy and gratitude, and that's an awesome buzz. best wishes to you!
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