Serper2014

I spoke with someone from AA and they told me that some people keep "reservations" an unlikely scenario in which they reserve the right to drink. I don't know how prevalent this is, but I'm sure it's mostly unpopular. So I don't want any judgement, but rather just a discussion. Before Alcohol sucked me in and took my life away (in a sense), I used to spend nearly 20% of my income on traveling. I've been to approx 20 countries and it' my favorite thing to do. That is get out there and explore a new environment on my own-- I always travel alone. Now that I've made real progress this summer in both the way I understand my addiction and the way I'm dealing with recovery. I've noticed that I have some extra spending money so I booked a vacation (first one in over two years). It's at the end of this month and at that point I will have some serious consecutive sober time under my belt. I wont get another chance for vacation until next summer, but I bought insurance for this vacation and I vowed to myself (and now you all I suppose) that If I slip between now and then I will cancel the trip. I really don't want that to happen and I'm 99% sure that it wont. So heres the catch. I can't fly sober. I really mean that I can't. I'm not afraid of anything in this world like I am flying. I have a SEVERE phobia. However if I have 4-5 beers before/during the flight. It doesn't bother me at all. So what are my options. They have anti anxiety medicine for flying (usually a short acting member of the benzodiazepine class like xanax.) The only time I've ever flown sober is one time. I was on 2mg of xanax (the max dose) and I still was so terrified that they said they were going to do an emergency landing for fear of my health-- but I really know they were concerned for their own safety as well. It was extremely embarrassing. I wouldn't be surprised if theres a video of me on some site somewhere. I thought I would never fly again until I discovered that I wasn't afraid of it while drinking. So I can either cancel my much needed vacation or I could hire a psychiatrist to medicate me and ride the flight with me. Obviously, I don't want to do the former and I can't afford the later. It's really tough to find advice about this, because some people are extremely fearful of flying (although even in the class I'm probably in the top 1-3%). And some people are alcoholics. But I doubt there are very few if any that are alcoholics and have this extreme fear of flying. (I'm getting scared just typing about it, my hands are sweating). I guess I thought that I would share. I've lost a lot of time drinking and I want to go back to living my life and this vacation is giving me the motivation to do so, so I really don't want to cancel it. I don't think I will feel guilty about it, and if I'm sober a year from now I wont count this flight as a relapse nor will I count one early next june if I end up going to Colombia like I plan to. I am a bit concerned that once I land I'll want to keep drinking. There is that risk afterall. Have I ever continued drinking after landing in the past? Sure. Have I landed and just went to bed after I landed? Absolutely. I'm trying to get this straight in my mind. I don't want to think I BLEW IT---might as well get really drunk now that I have to start over-- might as well drink the whole vacation since I have to start over. No, I don't want to think like that. I want to land and say ok you made it, it will wear off in a few hours and you can enjoy your adventure (I scheduled a lot of physically demanding stuff for this trip so it would be ill advised to not get to bed early each night).

Reset

Dang that is a dilemma. Traveling (mostly for work, free booze) was sorta what got me hooked.

Surely you've thought of this but is there some way you can work through your phobia with your psychiatrist? Maybe there are some ways to get around it through therapy.

Serper2014

That's something that I want to do, but it will likely take some time. I used to get severe panic attacks and with a year and a half of weekly therapy I overcame them and I've been panic free for years. So I know that flying sober is achievable but it will likely take much longer because I dont get as much practice as I had with panic attacks. I plan to travel a lot in my life and at some point I want to be able to fly sober, it may take a lot of therapy to get to that point. It's unlikely to happen by the end of this month.

Dee74

If I had any circumstances where I would give myself permission to drink, I would dead now Serper.

I cannot control my consumption of alcohol.
I cannot dabble in drinking, no matter how pressing or noble the excuse.

I'm willing to bet you're the same kind of drinker as me.

You're an intelligent and resourceful guy - I'm sure you can tackle the flying problem and find a healthy and positive solution.

D

EndGameNYC

Your plan is to drink, and you don't want to deal with the consequences.

You've been around for a while, and you've been down this road before, so I'll just say that you need to stop creating excuses for drinking.

Hawk07

I had an extreme fear of flying too, they even had to turn the plane around right before takeoff to let me off once so I sympathize with you. However as alcoholics we have got to realize that drinking can never be a solution to any problems or dilemmas we encounter in life. This is crucial to staying sober.

I hope you can find a more rational solution to this. Getting over phobias is possible but just like conquering addictions it takes time and effort.

obosob

I too suffer a sever fear of flying.
Planes stopped on runways....
Pilots waiting instruction as I'm going manic in the service area.

I completely understand your problem. I'm amazed at the similarities.

I have not traveled without xanax for the past 3 years, since my father passed away.

It's a double edged sword.....

If like me you know you must not drink for yourself and others around you, then you have to take alcohol out of the equation when dealing with fear!

Although I know and fully understand it works better than anything else, you need to find something else.

On a 9 hour flight I would go through about 4 mg of xanax.
I think it's vital to start medicating the night before the flight....

Not that benzos are any better than anything else.
It works for me.
Good luck.............!!!!

Meraviglioso

No, drinking is not the solution here. You need to find a way to deal with this phobia. As you said, it will take time and you may not be prepared by the end of the month. I would still start working on it now to give yourself a base of coping tools. Speak to someone about medications you can safely take. Something else you could look into is self hypnotism. I once read a book on it and practiced it nightly and it was extremely helpful. Actually, now that I type that, I think I'll start again. It is basically deep relaxation. If you start now I guarantee you will reach a level of relaxation prior to your trip that you haven't experienced before.
I have a friend who has a phobia of flying and she always has to have someone with her. Maybe you cannot pay your doctor to come with you- you would be responsible for his or her ticket plus hourly rate- but you could consider asking a friend or someone else to come with you to help you stay calm. You said you like to travel alone, this person could just come with you on the flight and then you go your separate ways for the duration of the vacation, meeting up again when it is time to fly out.

darknesswithin

Alcohol is not the answer.

I don't have a fear of flying as extreme as yours, but I used to be terrified of it. Once I spent an entire 5 hour flight in a panic attack crying into a pillow. I sought treatment for my other anxiety issues and one of the things the doctor told me was that alcohol majorly contributes to panic attacks. The fact that you're now sober, means that your fear may be that much more manageable now. I also used to take benzos while flying. The last few times I flew I decided not to drink at all (I wasn't sober at the time) and I was actually able to sleep and was way less jet lagged.

Things that helped me get over my fear of flying (yes, I'm pretty much over it!):
1. Actually educating myself about how airplanes work. Physics is real! I think there was some website made by a pilot to educate people who are afraid of flying. It's pretty great. I *think* this was the one: Overcome Fear of Flying with Fearless Flight by Captain Ron
2. Accepting that I'll die when I'm meant to die, and it's going to happen when it's going to happen, whether I'm sitting at home or in an airplane.
3. Reading this book called Don't Panic. This book basically helped me get over almost all of my fears. And you definitely have time to read a book before you leave.

I hope some of this helped!

bexxed

I have also travelled a lot, mostly for work. I'm an elite member of two different airlines' frequent flyer programs (which is hilarious to my non-work friends because I'm so not someone you'd peg for that, in personality and by the way I present on the outside). So I don't share your fear of flying, and certainly sympathize with it.

But if there were something that I felt I NEEDED to drink in order to do, I wouldn't do it until I knew that I had a plan that would work. I feel like you are trying to do that but don't believe it would work or that you can do it. (have someone with you, and medication, is what you mentioned).

As much as you need the vacation, you probably need your sobriety more. If you can't travel by plane right now without drinking, it may be a good plan to re-think it. Your situation isn't any different than other peoples', it's just specific to planes. For some, it's a milestone event, for others, it's work stress, or socializing with clients. Many people have social anxiety and feel a similar fear of social interaction without a drink. You sound like you are not concerned about the time before the trip. Seems like you've identified a trigger, and have some time to plan out how you'll address it.

Autumnlover19

I too, have a flying phobia. I take Xanax for that. It's better for me than drinking. And yes if I drank on the flight at the beginning of a vacation, I would no doubt drink right through that vacation. if you can't find a way to fly without drinking, maybe you should explore your own country via car. Road trips are great fun as well. And if you are used to leaving the country, maybe there are wonderful places within driving distance that will give you just as much pleasure. Take care!

SarahB60

This post is a timely one. I'm traveling in two weeks, so I was going to post something similar.

I used to fly without giving it a second thought - until I had a bad incident going to New York on TWA (Yes, TWA that's how long ago the incident happened).

I've flown since that time, but have been inebriated on a combo of xanax and alcohol to make it through the flight. My panic was bad, that the adrenalin would override the effects of alcohol and xanax. I would have to continue to pop xanax/nip alcohol until the plane landed. Can you imagine what kind of condition I was in when the plane landed?

Fast forward to today at over 9 months sober. I plan on facing my fears head on without the help of xanax with my upcoming trip. Since my son passed away last year, my fear of mortality has drastically changed. I can't control death. When it's my time, it's my time (although rather not be in a plane when this happens, oh well).

I hope you can work with your therapist to get through you fear. Can you bring your iPad with pre-loaded movies to help take your mind off of things? For me, head phones are must. The sound of the plane just exacerbates my fear.

Thank you for posting this issue!!! And thanks to everyone who responded with their experience and great suggestions!

Soberwolf

What D & NYC said

doggonecarl

Except maybe your fear of living sober.

Serper2014

Good morning SR! Wow a lot of responses throughout the night. Thanks so much. I will read them and get back to you all later on today!

julesonya

I am with the other poster- traveled a lot for work & add free booze is what lead me down this path. Alas this isn't about me. I have no dear of flying but I have a very good friend who is so I understand the angst that comes with it.

I would see a doctor about upping your Xanax. How long is the flight? Do you have to drive when you land? Would something like a valium or an ambien be a better option?

Dee74

Just a reminder guys - it's fine to speak of your experiences but please don;t make recommendations for others.

What's worked for others may not work or be suitable for you - you should always consult your MD.

D

entropy1964

Hi Serper
That really sucks that you have that level of phobia. I'm surprised you would even consider flying at all. I hate flying, and love to drink in airports and on airplanes so travel is risky for me no matter what.

First, reservations. I use that term but never heard it in AA. And yes, I believe that an alcoholic who truly has not accepted that they can never drink again will have them...but its not something people intentionally do. Its just something in the recesses of the mind that can come out and bite cha. That's why Step 1, IMO, is really the most important step.

I don't think you mention how much sober time you have. Have you considered a road trip? No that's not columbia but it gives you that needed time away.

Have you undergone any therapy to deal with confronting the source of your intense anxiety? Is this the ONLY time you experience this level of stress? Can you board the plane sober? I'd think you'd need to be plastered just to get on it.

Sorry so many questions...rhetorical really. It sounds like you've made up your mind and are wondering if this is just a reservation. Don't know. But it your life is being destroyed by alcohol, this is a huge risk.

ScottFromWI

Lots of good advice here Serper. You are a very intelligent fellow and I think your addiction is trying to hijack your logical thought once again. Drinking is never an option for an alcoholic, ever. There are certainly meds and therapies that can help with your situation, but alcohol is not part of the solution in any way.

Cascabel

It seems to me that you need to decide which is more important to you: a sober life or a short vacation. If you can't get on an airplane unless you are buzzed then consider not going at all. If your sobriety is at all important to you then, to me, canceling the trip seems to be the logical choice. You can always take a driving, bus or train vacation if you want to get away.

You may feel that this upcoming trip is a "once in a lifetime" deal but your current sobriety might also be "once in a lifetime". I wouldn't risk my sober life for a vacation.