Hey - first post
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
Thank you Free Owl
Really weird that you have just said that because I've just written in my journal, and was going to share later, that this one thing that I have done has the power to transform every area of my life. My health, my love life, my family life, my professional life and my finances. That is totally awesome and has made me so excited!
At 38, I wish I'd woken up sooner, but I'm here now and ready to rock!
K8
Really weird that you have just said that because I've just written in my journal, and was going to share later, that this one thing that I have done has the power to transform every area of my life. My health, my love life, my family life, my professional life and my finances. That is totally awesome and has made me so excited!
At 38, I wish I'd woken up sooner, but I'm here now and ready to rock!
K8
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
at 38 you're a couple of years ahead of my schedule... and you're RIGHT ON SCHEDULE to have the best NEXT 38+ years of your life!!!
Weird? Nope... it's not weird at all.
See.... this is the sort of thing that happens All. The. Time. when we are 'on path'.
Keep with us!
Weird? Nope... it's not weird at all.
See.... this is the sort of thing that happens All. The. Time. when we are 'on path'.
Keep with us!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
End of Day 4
So it is nearly the end of day 4 for me, roll on bed time.
It seems that anxiety and sadness find me during the afternoons. I am hoping that when I get back to work it won't overcome me so early in the day and then I only have a few hours to think about it when I get home.
Today was certainly not as bad as yesterday, but I think the reason it was so raw yesterday was that I had a call with a counselling service in the UK, they rate you on a scale to make sure they are giving the service to those who really need it, I have six counselling sessions coming in about a month, so hopefully I will be well on the way of kicking this first demon.
I still have the buzzing sensation on the left side of my head in the afternoons, shaking in the hands has not changed in the slightest today, still noticeable, and my ears still burn on the odd occasion, more left than the right.
My thoughts always turn to my ex in the afternoons/evenings. I wish I could share all of this with him, wish I could share how far I have come in the last few days. I think I hid all of this from him so well that he wouldn't have a clue how dependent I had become. This afternoon I found a previous email from him in my inbox, and then later on this afternoon, I had to send a picture of something in the flat to my landlord, I realised that I still had all of our pictures on my phone, parties that we'd been to, going to the races, flowers that he'd bought me. Whether I am totally nutty or not, I still hope that one day we will have a chance to talk and resolve things. Who knows. For now I have to concentrate on myself and getting through day 5 and then through my first sober weekend in a long time - barring weekends when I had the flu!
I am just documenting all of this because in my low times, when I have anxiety about the future and feel bad for past hurts that I have caused, it helps to read through all of this, it strengthens my resolve to keep going.
Thanks all for reading, hope everyone is doing okay out there.
K8
It seems that anxiety and sadness find me during the afternoons. I am hoping that when I get back to work it won't overcome me so early in the day and then I only have a few hours to think about it when I get home.
Today was certainly not as bad as yesterday, but I think the reason it was so raw yesterday was that I had a call with a counselling service in the UK, they rate you on a scale to make sure they are giving the service to those who really need it, I have six counselling sessions coming in about a month, so hopefully I will be well on the way of kicking this first demon.
I still have the buzzing sensation on the left side of my head in the afternoons, shaking in the hands has not changed in the slightest today, still noticeable, and my ears still burn on the odd occasion, more left than the right.
My thoughts always turn to my ex in the afternoons/evenings. I wish I could share all of this with him, wish I could share how far I have come in the last few days. I think I hid all of this from him so well that he wouldn't have a clue how dependent I had become. This afternoon I found a previous email from him in my inbox, and then later on this afternoon, I had to send a picture of something in the flat to my landlord, I realised that I still had all of our pictures on my phone, parties that we'd been to, going to the races, flowers that he'd bought me. Whether I am totally nutty or not, I still hope that one day we will have a chance to talk and resolve things. Who knows. For now I have to concentrate on myself and getting through day 5 and then through my first sober weekend in a long time - barring weekends when I had the flu!
I am just documenting all of this because in my low times, when I have anxiety about the future and feel bad for past hurts that I have caused, it helps to read through all of this, it strengthens my resolve to keep going.
Thanks all for reading, hope everyone is doing okay out there.
K8
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Thanks for the wonderful, positive update K8. How I wish I'd been only 38 when I stopped. Life would have been so different! You're giving yourself a beautiful gift.
Yes, our routines change a lot. I was all about aspirin and gingerale for a hangover in the morning.
Yes, our routines change a lot. I was all about aspirin and gingerale for a hangover in the morning.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
Day 5
Hi All
Hope you are all doing well.
So it is the start of day 5 for me, the start of Friday...a day that I would normally leave free in the evening to have a drink. I am not feeling concerned about that, I know that I have spent too long burying my feelings in the bottom of a bottle, and as hard as it is to face the feelings that I am, I can see a time in the future when life won't be so hard, but I can only get there without the demon drink.
Having gone back through posts I can see a pattern emerging, anxiousness and sadness normally start to hit me around 1pm and so my plan today is to build in some exercise at that time, partly to take my mind off of my feelings and in the hope that the endorphins will mean they don't hit me as hard.
Shaking hands are quite bad this morning and I find myself wondering if they will ever be the same again. I will keep reporting on that over the coming days, fingers crossed they improve. The sweats seem to have gone completely, still have the burning ears, strangely it hit me this morning which is unusual, and it was the right side this time. My skin is looking way better, I read an article at the beginning of the week Look what giving up drink for a month can do to your face: Mother who enjoyed five glasses of wine a week is transformed after going cold turkey | Daily Mail Online, where it took someone drinking less than me, a month to get her skin tone back from a reddy colour to normal, mine appears to be returning quicker than that - you can see my freckles pretty clearly now! I also have a red spot on my cheek which is fading by the day. My eye line is reducing in redness, but my eyes still look dull in colour - not as white or sparkly as I would like them to be. I also don't seem to be having much trouble with my stomach as I did a couple of days ago. I still can't seem to quench this raging thirst that I have, no matter how much water I drink, it doesn't seem to get any better. Hopefully that will improve in the coming days/weeks.
I took my valerian root tablet last night but didn't feel drowsy as quickly as the night before and I did have a broken night of sleep, that could have been down to watching two action movies last night before bed - so not really relaxing activities!
I did go to a clinic yesterday for a check up on something, they had to take my BP and they took it three times to make sure that it was really as high as it was (!!), I didn't ask what the reading was but they didn't cart me off to hospital so it can't have been that bad. Have no idea if that is down to stress I'm still feeling over the break up or WD, either or, it will get better in time.
Thanks all for reading my rather long and rambling post this morning!
Looking forward to a better day than yesterday, hope you are all doing okay out there.
K8
Hope you are all doing well.
So it is the start of day 5 for me, the start of Friday...a day that I would normally leave free in the evening to have a drink. I am not feeling concerned about that, I know that I have spent too long burying my feelings in the bottom of a bottle, and as hard as it is to face the feelings that I am, I can see a time in the future when life won't be so hard, but I can only get there without the demon drink.
Having gone back through posts I can see a pattern emerging, anxiousness and sadness normally start to hit me around 1pm and so my plan today is to build in some exercise at that time, partly to take my mind off of my feelings and in the hope that the endorphins will mean they don't hit me as hard.
Shaking hands are quite bad this morning and I find myself wondering if they will ever be the same again. I will keep reporting on that over the coming days, fingers crossed they improve. The sweats seem to have gone completely, still have the burning ears, strangely it hit me this morning which is unusual, and it was the right side this time. My skin is looking way better, I read an article at the beginning of the week Look what giving up drink for a month can do to your face: Mother who enjoyed five glasses of wine a week is transformed after going cold turkey | Daily Mail Online, where it took someone drinking less than me, a month to get her skin tone back from a reddy colour to normal, mine appears to be returning quicker than that - you can see my freckles pretty clearly now! I also have a red spot on my cheek which is fading by the day. My eye line is reducing in redness, but my eyes still look dull in colour - not as white or sparkly as I would like them to be. I also don't seem to be having much trouble with my stomach as I did a couple of days ago. I still can't seem to quench this raging thirst that I have, no matter how much water I drink, it doesn't seem to get any better. Hopefully that will improve in the coming days/weeks.
I took my valerian root tablet last night but didn't feel drowsy as quickly as the night before and I did have a broken night of sleep, that could have been down to watching two action movies last night before bed - so not really relaxing activities!
I did go to a clinic yesterday for a check up on something, they had to take my BP and they took it three times to make sure that it was really as high as it was (!!), I didn't ask what the reading was but they didn't cart me off to hospital so it can't have been that bad. Have no idea if that is down to stress I'm still feeling over the break up or WD, either or, it will get better in time.
Thanks all for reading my rather long and rambling post this morning!
Looking forward to a better day than yesterday, hope you are all doing okay out there.
K8
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Great update, congratulations on 5 days. I love your idea of getting in a workout during your difficult time frame. You are so wise to have taken note of that pattern and come up with a plan to address it. Keep up that kind of self awareness and you will have a leg up on this fight!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
Thanks Sober Wolf!
The sadness/anxiousness about the future hit me early today, so I got up of the sofa, got my workout gear on and just finished a 30 minute cycle.
Can't think of sadness or anything at the moment, in need of a defibrillator!
The sadness/anxiousness about the future hit me early today, so I got up of the sofa, got my workout gear on and just finished a 30 minute cycle.
Can't think of sadness or anything at the moment, in need of a defibrillator!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Kansas
Posts: 139
Great update K8! I just turned 37 & feel we are in the same boat. I wish I had my ex here too. To apologize & explain to him everything, while sober. Sure I have given my sob story before but I left out details & was drunk while doing so. Like you I believe we will eventually get this resolved & he will trust me again. (we have known each other since we were 6 years old.) In my heart, i know we can be together, once I prove to him I am not drinking or sneaking in drinking.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
Good luck to you julessonya
I am ever hopeful of the same chance, to have him text or call to say hi would give me all my birthdays and Christmases at once, but I also have to accept that ship may have sailed for me. That isn't going to stop me though, because someone is out there for me and I deserve for the drink not to ruin it this time!
Keep going julessonya and always here to chat if need be
K8
I am ever hopeful of the same chance, to have him text or call to say hi would give me all my birthdays and Christmases at once, but I also have to accept that ship may have sailed for me. That isn't going to stop me though, because someone is out there for me and I deserve for the drink not to ruin it this time!
Keep going julessonya and always here to chat if need be
K8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
Hi All
Hope you are all doing well.
So it is nearing the end of day 5 for me, I am sitting in my little corner of the world watching Ghostbusters and sipping fizzy water, (thought I would treat myself tonight!)
Anxiousness and sadness appears to still be my friend for now. I have made good steps forward this week, and with the exercising today, I don't think I do feel as bad as I might have done. The shaking in my hands is minor now (yay!!) and the buzzing in my head has not been as persistent today. One thing that I had forgotten to mention is that most days whilst drinking I had a black spot in my vision, in my right eye, I only noticed today that I don't seem to have that anymore.
This would ordinarily have been a night and weekend that I would have spent with my honey as he doesn't have the kids this weekend. So I guess that is where my loneliness is coming from today. I wish with all my heart that I could go back and change things, that I could have learnt this lesson months ago rather than now. However, that is the way things go, this is the path that I have chosen, in a way, and now I have to get on with things.
I definitely prefer sober Friday nights.
Have a good one all and hope you are all okay.
K8
Hope you are all doing well.
So it is nearing the end of day 5 for me, I am sitting in my little corner of the world watching Ghostbusters and sipping fizzy water, (thought I would treat myself tonight!)
Anxiousness and sadness appears to still be my friend for now. I have made good steps forward this week, and with the exercising today, I don't think I do feel as bad as I might have done. The shaking in my hands is minor now (yay!!) and the buzzing in my head has not been as persistent today. One thing that I had forgotten to mention is that most days whilst drinking I had a black spot in my vision, in my right eye, I only noticed today that I don't seem to have that anymore.
This would ordinarily have been a night and weekend that I would have spent with my honey as he doesn't have the kids this weekend. So I guess that is where my loneliness is coming from today. I wish with all my heart that I could go back and change things, that I could have learnt this lesson months ago rather than now. However, that is the way things go, this is the path that I have chosen, in a way, and now I have to get on with things.
I definitely prefer sober Friday nights.
Have a good one all and hope you are all okay.
K8
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: London
Posts: 60
Hi All
Hope everyone is doing okay out there.
I am just embarking on day 6 here. Shakes in the hands are very minimal, I slept through the night and through my alarm, although I could have done with getting up earlier this morning! I guess that is my body repairing and needing rest.
I don't feel too anxious and sad this morning and will even go as far as to say there was a little confidence and bounce in my step. We'll see how that goes throughout the day. The red spot on my cheek is a lot less than it was.
I have a fairly busy day ahead of me, have someone coming round to look at the flat for decorating and then I expect I will be seeing my Mum and Step Dad at some point as they have just returned from holiday.
I didn't miss not drinking at all last night!
Hope you all had a good evening and a great Saturday.
K8
Hope everyone is doing okay out there.
I am just embarking on day 6 here. Shakes in the hands are very minimal, I slept through the night and through my alarm, although I could have done with getting up earlier this morning! I guess that is my body repairing and needing rest.
I don't feel too anxious and sad this morning and will even go as far as to say there was a little confidence and bounce in my step. We'll see how that goes throughout the day. The red spot on my cheek is a lot less than it was.
I have a fairly busy day ahead of me, have someone coming round to look at the flat for decorating and then I expect I will be seeing my Mum and Step Dad at some point as they have just returned from holiday.
I didn't miss not drinking at all last night!
Hope you all had a good evening and a great Saturday.
K8
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