Nowsthetime

Hello all:

So as the title says: I drank on Saturday...

We went to a party and after that we were supposed to drive to our farm. Last minute we decided to stay in town and once I got home I poured myself a drink. I had a beer after. My daughter was at her grandparent and it was just my husband and I...

I have nobody to blame but myself. I didn't work my plan as usual. I'm not going to give excuses. I posted a couple of days ago that I had given myself permission to drink... I failed. I woke up Sunday not feeling horribly hungover but I did feel like crap and it wasn't worth it. It never is... My husband said it was ok because I moderated so that I shouldn't be so hard on myself but he just doesn't get it.

I feel so stupid. After all the "big talk" I give and after all the advice I give I couldn't take my own.

I failed so I start again...

Arghhh! It was all me letting my AV win. I'm so sad with myself.

Jsbodhi

Just learn from it and carry on as if it didn't happen, push through the shameover and keep your head up.
Xoxo

Rar

I relapsed also on Sunday, so I know I feel your misery and disappointment in yourself. I'm sad too. My husband drank quite a bit also, and like your's, just doesn't get it. We have to move forward. You're on your 3rd day and I'm on my 2nd. One day at a time. I know I just can't handle that one drink. We can do this.

Ruby2

Don't beat yourself up. Next time instead of giving yourself permission to drink, give yourself permission NOT to drink. It's OK to say no.

Hang in there.

Nowsthetime

I was soooo well aware of what I was doing but I still did it. It was like I was watching myself from the outside. The worse part is that since I "moderated" now my hubby goes "see, you can do it". The thing is that I never know and I don't want to play with fire.

I feel a little better posting here but I'm still dissapointed and angry at myself.

sva777

Focus on the positive and move forward. My wife doesn't get it 100% either, she thinks I could moderate too and I can maybe a few times. The thing is eventually I will wind up down the rabbit hole where I was before I quit.

This is why I can't ever drink anymore ever.

entropy1964

Hey good on you for coming right back and not making this set back a train wreck. I think that's huge.

Mountainmanbob

I'm sure that is very humbling.
Self deception is something to watch.
MM

Nowsthetime

Yes MMB!!!

I feel humbled for sure. I'm proud of all the sober time I have but this time I'm starting my count over (not that counting days matter) because last time I had a slip in May I decided to just keep counting. My new date is 9/6... I know that year and some months DO mean something but I have to be honest with myself.

airwick

I would do the same thing ( pick a new starting day). That way your clearing yourself of all memories and beginning a new I still consider you a good friend, one who helps me stay on the sober path. I wish that you could of talked to me before you took that first drink.

kellymh24

You're back and that's what counts. Brush it off and feel stronger knowing you didn't leave sobriety in the dust.

FreeOwl

well... crap.

I'm sorry to hear this.

But dust it off and don't look back.... except perhaps with an eye toward understanding what aspects of your sobriety need shoring up as you continue on.

For me, those moments of contemplation of a drink don't last long anymore - and are mostly dismissed by observing them and then choosing to let them go.

My life changes in the past nearly-two-years have helped to support my decision of sobriety and continuing to keep taking actions that honor that choice have kept me from slipping.

You can do that, too.....

jryan19982

You know, that even when I tried to moderate (one or two drinks) I would still wake up the next day and feel the effect of the alcohol. No I wasnt hung over, but I was just groggy and a little out of it. Then the days I didnt drink, I feel much better. It is odd, but not really, that one drink would make you feel off the next day. That being said, once you dont drink any for a while that good feeling is always there. Then if you do drink, and feel the effects the next day, I hope that is enough to deter the thoughts of drinking.

Man I dont miss being hung over at all. Im not a morning person, but I am a bit better in the morning when I dont drink. Im hoping that improves as time goes by. However, I always liked my sleep. When I was younger I would sleep until 11 or noon

needtostopthis

My husband is like that as well. If i moderate my drinking he thinks it is fine. I tell him all the time, no it is not fine. I still feel just as bad whether i have 2 drinks or 10 drinks. Just keep trying. It is all we can do! I messed up this weekend too.

OpenTuning

On the plus side, as reminders of how powerful your AV is, it could have been worse. And starting the clock over is probably a good idea to act as a reminder that you need to stay on your guard.

Your AV is now almost certain to repeat what your husband said back to you over and over again, so be ready for that. Yes, you showed you are capable of stopping after two drinks. But the fact that you had those two drinks in the first place, which you clearly regret, shows you are most definitely not in control of your drinking.

bexxed

Yeah... That's rough.

Could you maybe sit him down and say "Look. alcoholics can't moderate. If other people moderate, that's great. But for alcoholics, "moderate" is like standing on the side of a mountain holding a boulder up. An alcoholic can do it for a minute, maybe, on an excellent day with the stars all in line. But it's not like non-alcoholics."

...or something like that?

Anna

It's good to take responsibility for what happened, but, it's also important to be kind to yourself and to move on. It sounds like your husband doesn't 'get' alcoholism, but it's hard for others to understand it. You know what is the right thing to do.

Nowsthetime

Yes Airwick!!!! I do wish I would have posted but I didn't because we were home alone and late and I'm usually not on my phone. We were having "parent time" since our daughter was with her grandparents. Now we won't have similar dates eventhough that first date will always have a place in my heart because it was when I surrendered.

Thanks Frick and Kelly. I did know that I would be back but it's tricky... I guess it's easy to get sober, staying sober is something else.

I love my sober life. Love it! I don't know why I was willing to pay this price and what blows is that as it was mentioned before, I hear the AV saying, moderation is ok. Like needtostopthis said: it's NOT ok.

It's my fault that husband said that because I am the one saying that I quit but then I'm the one who decided to drink. It's a step backwards with him because I have had "the talk" with him several times and he was finally beginning to "get it".

I have the rest of my life to make it happen...

Rar

I had some significant sobriety time under my belt too. I'm using Day 1 not so much as a sobriety date (which it is), but as the first day (again) of an alcohol free life. I suppose many have different views, but that is why I start from the beginning when I slip.

NestWasEmpty

I gave up on saying Never , because that's when ( as you say) get down on yourself. Now I say " If I fail - I will try again Use that Never - in I will Never give up Trying to recover One day at time !!