thomas11

I was not sure what to title this thread thus the odd title. I've had a few days to reflect on my decision to sell my business and some things are becoming clear. I believe there was a definite correlation between my heavy/binge drinking and the business. I realize that this is probably not unusual by any means. I'm sure many people's drinking problems are job related. When things were tough and there were problems I drank to numb, to escape, to get away from those problems. Of course once I stopped drinking the problems were still there. If anything they were worse because I neglected them as opposed to facing them. Then because alcohol increases one's anxiety, it magnified everything, even to the point of throwing up. On the other end of the spectrum, if things were going great, I would drink to relish the moment. Why not, right? Celebrate that success with healthy drinking session. By no means am I implying that I'm cured or that my problem with alcohol is now gone, but the two were connected.
I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, a sense of relief that genuinely feels good. I don't dread checking my phone messages or checking my email for fear that yet another problem has come up that needs to be addressed. People don't understand or respect the fact that some people (like me) try to have a life outside of work, they think we exist simply to please them. Some of them think they are the only customer the company has so we should be available 24/7 solely for the purpose of keeping them happy. The other thing that has been positive is that I am truly looking forward to going to work for someone, sounds crazy right? I'm excited about having a normal working life. So at least at this moment, I feel that I have made the correct decision and it feels right. The mood around our house the last few days has been very nice. My wife is pleased to no end about everything. Happy wife, happy life as they say.
The other thing I wanted to mention for those who care is that my rehabilitation is going fantastic. My knees are feeling really good, I am moving around pretty much normally. The pain is very manageable, and I can do most of the things any normal person can do. Obviously I still have to be careful not to slip or fall. Getting down on the ground and back up requires some effort and I have to be careful, but all is good on that front. Lastly, I was very nervous about developing an opiate addiction. I think we've all heard what a nightmare that can be. For some reason I am blessed and have not developed an addiction. I am prescribed 60mg of oxycodone per day, I am down to 20mg and have not noticed any withdrawal at all. No heebee geebies, no sleeplessness, sweating, diarrhea (TMI?), or any other symptoms of opiate withdrawal. I know I have ALOT of work still ahead of me, and its not going to be easy, but for the first time in a LONG time I am feeling positive and excited about the changes that are happening. As always, thanks for listening.

Dee74

I'm glad to read this Jeff.

I too figured there was a great correlation between my job, the stress and the drink - and while that may have been how it started, I found my alcoholism endured long after the job and stress finished.

I had a long list of reasons to try and make me feel better about my drinking but the bottom line was I didn't need a reason to drink to excess.

If they happen, knock any thoughts of 'maybe I can drink normally now' to the kerb - they're still lies, J.

D

AnvilheadII

really good stuff Thomas! i had to go back and check your recent posts cuz what you stated about the correlation between work and drinking struck one of my few remaining memory cells.....

and yup.

August 20th you post that you were back to work for your FIRST full day after your accident.

August 21st you post that you had some drinks.

sometimes we don't realize just how much STRESS we are under.....it isn't always due to a major crisis, it can be a slowly and insidious build up. like the frog in the pot of water.

i'm really glad you are unburdening yourself AND that you feel good about it.

Venecia

It sounds like you're at peace with your decision, Jeff. Sometimes the hardest part is making a decision like the one you've made -- then you get to move forward.

Incontrol15

Yup. Really good post. Stress and celebration were two biggies for me too. Along with boredom, wanting to relax. Eventually, waking up was stressful enough to warrant a drink and surviving another day became reason to celebrate.

letitgo

Jeff, I am glad your are feeling better and getting things sorted out. The 10% are mentally/emotionally draining only if we give them the space in our brains. Easier said the done though.

MythOfSisyphus

It sounds like you're well on your way! I hope that this creates a healthy space in life for sobriety.

Soberwolf

Jeff

thomas11

This may seem silly, but today I started "training" for re-entering the workforce. I only have 2 days of work to do per week until the season is over. But I woke up this morning at the normal early time, made coffee, filled the bird feeders and let out the dog, showered and shaved. I want to stay in the habit of a working life. It know it would be easy to start sleeping late, and being lazy, but I'm not going to allow it. Keep the knife sharp as they say. I'll be around here a lot for awhile.

PurpleKnight

Glad you're feeling in a better place Jeff!! Very positive post!!

Jsbodhi

My business is the leading contributor to my binge drinking as well, and I can understand your excitement about a normal working life and also the dread of a text ding ,or the phone ringing wondering yet again what has happened...
Best wishes!! Xoxo