InTheEnd

Made it passed to two week mark, which for me is a first! YAY ME!

Feeling good, strong and confident that sober is how I'd like to finish the rest of my life. But very aware how that could change at the drop of a hat with one bad decision of having that first drink.

I have not truly been tested yet and don't want to ever be, but I know that day will come. Praying I'll be strong enough and have enough sober time to make to right decision. But for today, I feel confident I will.

I met my daughter for dinner last night. She's noticed! Not so much that fact that I'm not drinking (guess I hid it a bit better than I thought), but she noticed my personality. She chalked it up to my running and working out again. She mentioned how we hadn't really argued since I started this a few weeks back. How I'm more relaxed, not as stressed and angry and not such a "screamer"! (Sorta hurt my feelings, but felt good at the same time).

And I said it finally, though maybe not the whole truth....I mentioned to her that I had quit drinking my nightly wine. I didn't mention what a mess in my head I was, just that the wine made me sleep like crap, gave me headaches so I thought it best to stop. She asked for how long.....I said "I think forever. I've seen what it's done to so many in our family and I don't want that to happen to me". She said she was proud of me. I felt like she was "The Mom" at that moment. Then I thought of my beautiful Mother looking down on me from Heaven....and I got teary eyed. My Mom would've been proud of me as well.

Though I had a thought last night laying in bed (or the AV did)....."But look what you're missing out on". Funny thing I realized, I'm missing out on nothing! Maybe that thought could've worked years ago, when I had a big social life when drinking. But towards the end, I was doing it at home after work, alone.

So basically, I'm only missing out on the misery of being home alone and drunk, or hungover, or sad, or angry, or confused to the point that only a another glass of wine will "fix" it....rinse and repeat. Sorry AV, I'm certainly not missing that!

So, to my AV...."SHUT UP! That one won't work anymore"!!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me ramble and hope everyone has a good weekend!

Marcher13

Good for you InTheEnd! Remember that AV is just a thought, keep going, you are doing well!

Soberwolf

You Are Awesome

Dee74

Congrats on your sober time Intheend

D

Mac1

Congrats on 2 weeks!

I like the way you describe how horrible it is to be drunk and alone. Remember that feeling when your AV starts doing its thing. The further I get from drinking the harder it is to believe what I was putting myself through.

Keep up the momentum – its well worth it

PurpleKnight

Day 20 is fantastic InTheEnd!!

Delfin

No matter what our AV's try to tell us, we're not missing out on anything good! I don't miss the exhaustion or the shame. My relationship with my daughter has improved since I quit too. I think it's the best gift we can give our kids!

Be well, IntheEnd,

Delfin

Madruski

You mentioned you enjoy drinking alone, I think that is the true test as the opportunity occures nearly every night.

FarToGo

Great post! I'm so pleased you're relationship with your daughter is improving already, so precious. My daughter is proud of me too, it's ok for them to sound like the mum sometimes, especially when we deserve their pride in us. We are now in a position to be that better mum. Onwards, it's so worth it.
Be well x

MythOfSisyphus

Good going, InTheEnd. Confidence is a good thing. Not cockiness, just the knowledge that you have other options and better ways to cope than drinking. You need never face another Day One.

Soberwolf

Have a nice day today