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Join Date: Aug 2015
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Hi
This is my first post after reading the forums for about 4 months now. I thought I'd start by setting out what brought me here.
I had my first experience with serious drinking when I was 14-15. My family lived abroad in a country that didn't care about the ages of foreigners when it came to drinking. So my friends and I would get plastered every Friday night in a local bar. I don't think my parents ever noticed as I'd come home after they went to bed, and what teenager doesn't sleep in on weekends.
Then we moved to a country that did check IDs, so I pretty much didn't drink again until university. When I started again with a vengeance. Once I started drinking, I wouldn't stop until the kegs were empty. Many, many blackouts. Far too many humiliating experiences to count. But hey, who doesn't drink at university, right? Figured I'd settle down after graduating.
Graduated, went travelling, and started a pattern that I stuck to pretty much ever since despite all the other changes to my life. I didn't "need" to drink. Stress or bad news weren't triggers. I drank to have fun. And I liked to have fun. I could go a few days, even a week or two without a drink (though not often). But once I started, I wouldn't stop until the bars closed. But I was a good natured drunk. No fights, didn't drink and drive, lots of laughter. But also lots of humiliating incidents, lots of blackouts, lots of waking up in places I hadn't meant to. Lots of very, very bad hangovers. No ultimatums from my wife, but a few incidents where I embarrassed her in front of her friends, which she didn't like, and led to questions about how much I was drinking. As far as I know my kids never saw me drunk. Kept that going about 30 years or so.
And then about 6 months ago, while my family was out of town, I had a big session at the pub and had an awful hangover. And a virus took advantage of my weakened state to knock me sideways, for several weeks. I had no interest in drinking, or getting out of bed, or eating much, or doing anything really.
I'd recently joined a band and we had our first big gig lined up for a month later, and in order not to take any chances I decided I wouldn't have another drink until we'd played our last song. Which I stuck to. The gig went well, and after we finished I had my first beer in about 6 weeks. Then a couple more. And here's where the surprise came in. I didn't really enjoy them. It didn't feel like the reward I'd expected. It wasn't that I'd relapsed, as I hadn't planned on quitting, I just had a sense of "what did I just gain by drinking again".
That's when I first looked on here and had my first thoughts about whether it might be time to stop.
Still, I carried on for a few more weeks as usual, no major sessions, but a couple of things happened. I was reading an article about Johnny Marr (ex The Smiths) a guitarist I hugely admire, and saw he doesn't drink. Not because of having lived the rock star life style and the usual trips to rehab. He just seemed to prefer life without it before things got out of hand. And what an amazingly creative life he'd led. And then I started working on a new project and had lunch with a colleague and discovered he'd given up drinking. Very different story (made the guy in Wolf of Wall Street look like a saint), but had been sober for 19 years. And he was a lot of fun. Basically, clearly not all non-drinkers were boring and no fun, as I'd always felt.
So I came back on here again, and wrote up a pros and cons list for carrying on as usual, or reducing to the daily limits the government recommends (about 2 pints of beer max a day), or stopping altogether. The last option made the most sense for me. But if I was going to do that, how to go about it?
AA never appealed to me. Didn't feel like a good fit for how my own personality works. But someone on here mentioned AVRT. I looked it up, read the Crash Course. Read it again. And decided to stop. That day.
That was over 3 months ago and I haven't had a drink since. Can't quite believe that a habit that's lasted over 30 years could be stopped just like that. Amazing what identifying where the voice that wants to drink comes from can do. I haven't completely followed that approach. I've not made a Big Plan. Mainly because I don't like being told what to do. Even by myself! But I don't drink now, and I don't want to drink again. And that works for me.
There have been some interesting reactions. I still see the same group of friends at the pub, and a few have noticed I'm not drinking and asked about it. Surprised, as they don't think of me as an alcoholic. I just say I'm taking a break from alcohol, which may last forever. And then we carry on talking about the usual stuff. Though I find myself a lot more relaxed. I laugh out loud more. I've realised how much of my time was spent thinking about the next drink, whose round it was, how many more we can fit in before the pub shuts, which left me constantly distracted. And my wife also had a bit of a moan about not wanting to drink alone (she doesn't have a drink problem. A glass of wine with dinner, the bottle lasting a week). But I just asked on what planet it made sense for a wife to complain that her husband doesn't drink enough, which she agreed was a good point.
My biggest worry was our Summer holiday. Cottages, barbecues and cold beer all seem to go very well together. Oddly enough, as it meant being with the family at all times in the past I'd look at it almost as a chance to detox. "Only" 3-4 beers a day. But we had a blast and I realised that fruit juice and soda water makes a very refreshing drink after a day in and on the water!
So that's where I'm at now. Sorry for such a long post. Partly I just wanted to put this all down in writing to help make sense of what's been a relatively recent decision I'm still getting my head around. Also, I thought it might make for a different perspective compared to some of the other reasons people have reached the point of wanting to stop.
I didn't hit rock bottom. And yes, there's always someone who's in a worse situation than you are, but it's too easy to use that as an excuse to carry on as usual.
Ultimately, I don't want my life to be defined by alcohol, and how much or how little I drink. I don't like labels. I just want to carry on enjoying my life, and much to my huge surprise, compared to what I thought just a few months ago, I now know that I will be enjoying it more without alcohol.
This is my first post after reading the forums for about 4 months now. I thought I'd start by setting out what brought me here.
I had my first experience with serious drinking when I was 14-15. My family lived abroad in a country that didn't care about the ages of foreigners when it came to drinking. So my friends and I would get plastered every Friday night in a local bar. I don't think my parents ever noticed as I'd come home after they went to bed, and what teenager doesn't sleep in on weekends.
Then we moved to a country that did check IDs, so I pretty much didn't drink again until university. When I started again with a vengeance. Once I started drinking, I wouldn't stop until the kegs were empty. Many, many blackouts. Far too many humiliating experiences to count. But hey, who doesn't drink at university, right? Figured I'd settle down after graduating.
Graduated, went travelling, and started a pattern that I stuck to pretty much ever since despite all the other changes to my life. I didn't "need" to drink. Stress or bad news weren't triggers. I drank to have fun. And I liked to have fun. I could go a few days, even a week or two without a drink (though not often). But once I started, I wouldn't stop until the bars closed. But I was a good natured drunk. No fights, didn't drink and drive, lots of laughter. But also lots of humiliating incidents, lots of blackouts, lots of waking up in places I hadn't meant to. Lots of very, very bad hangovers. No ultimatums from my wife, but a few incidents where I embarrassed her in front of her friends, which she didn't like, and led to questions about how much I was drinking. As far as I know my kids never saw me drunk. Kept that going about 30 years or so.
And then about 6 months ago, while my family was out of town, I had a big session at the pub and had an awful hangover. And a virus took advantage of my weakened state to knock me sideways, for several weeks. I had no interest in drinking, or getting out of bed, or eating much, or doing anything really.
I'd recently joined a band and we had our first big gig lined up for a month later, and in order not to take any chances I decided I wouldn't have another drink until we'd played our last song. Which I stuck to. The gig went well, and after we finished I had my first beer in about 6 weeks. Then a couple more. And here's where the surprise came in. I didn't really enjoy them. It didn't feel like the reward I'd expected. It wasn't that I'd relapsed, as I hadn't planned on quitting, I just had a sense of "what did I just gain by drinking again".
That's when I first looked on here and had my first thoughts about whether it might be time to stop.
Still, I carried on for a few more weeks as usual, no major sessions, but a couple of things happened. I was reading an article about Johnny Marr (ex The Smiths) a guitarist I hugely admire, and saw he doesn't drink. Not because of having lived the rock star life style and the usual trips to rehab. He just seemed to prefer life without it before things got out of hand. And what an amazingly creative life he'd led. And then I started working on a new project and had lunch with a colleague and discovered he'd given up drinking. Very different story (made the guy in Wolf of Wall Street look like a saint), but had been sober for 19 years. And he was a lot of fun. Basically, clearly not all non-drinkers were boring and no fun, as I'd always felt.
So I came back on here again, and wrote up a pros and cons list for carrying on as usual, or reducing to the daily limits the government recommends (about 2 pints of beer max a day), or stopping altogether. The last option made the most sense for me. But if I was going to do that, how to go about it?
AA never appealed to me. Didn't feel like a good fit for how my own personality works. But someone on here mentioned AVRT. I looked it up, read the Crash Course. Read it again. And decided to stop. That day.
That was over 3 months ago and I haven't had a drink since. Can't quite believe that a habit that's lasted over 30 years could be stopped just like that. Amazing what identifying where the voice that wants to drink comes from can do. I haven't completely followed that approach. I've not made a Big Plan. Mainly because I don't like being told what to do. Even by myself! But I don't drink now, and I don't want to drink again. And that works for me.
There have been some interesting reactions. I still see the same group of friends at the pub, and a few have noticed I'm not drinking and asked about it. Surprised, as they don't think of me as an alcoholic. I just say I'm taking a break from alcohol, which may last forever. And then we carry on talking about the usual stuff. Though I find myself a lot more relaxed. I laugh out loud more. I've realised how much of my time was spent thinking about the next drink, whose round it was, how many more we can fit in before the pub shuts, which left me constantly distracted. And my wife also had a bit of a moan about not wanting to drink alone (she doesn't have a drink problem. A glass of wine with dinner, the bottle lasting a week). But I just asked on what planet it made sense for a wife to complain that her husband doesn't drink enough, which she agreed was a good point.
My biggest worry was our Summer holiday. Cottages, barbecues and cold beer all seem to go very well together. Oddly enough, as it meant being with the family at all times in the past I'd look at it almost as a chance to detox. "Only" 3-4 beers a day. But we had a blast and I realised that fruit juice and soda water makes a very refreshing drink after a day in and on the water!
So that's where I'm at now. Sorry for such a long post. Partly I just wanted to put this all down in writing to help make sense of what's been a relatively recent decision I'm still getting my head around. Also, I thought it might make for a different perspective compared to some of the other reasons people have reached the point of wanting to stop.
I didn't hit rock bottom. And yes, there's always someone who's in a worse situation than you are, but it's too easy to use that as an excuse to carry on as usual.
Ultimately, I don't want my life to be defined by alcohol, and how much or how little I drink. I don't like labels. I just want to carry on enjoying my life, and much to my huge surprise, compared to what I thought just a few months ago, I now know that I will be enjoying it more without alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Thanks SoberLeigh. I always thought giving up drinking would be a healthier choice, in every sense, but would be a huge and painful sacrifice. Just didn't occur to me I'd enjoy life more without it. That's been the huge surprise for me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
It was a big surprise for me too, OpenTuning. I'd been using it my whole life to 'cope' and feel more comfortable. It had the opposite effect, & ended up causing me nothing but anxiety.
We're so glad you joined us and told your story - welcome to an encouraging place.
We're so glad you joined us and told your story - welcome to an encouraging place.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Welcome aboard opentuning 
I found the same - I expected life without drinking to be hell on Earth, but after the transition period, it's been entirely the opposite for me.
good to have you join us
D
I found the same - I expected life without drinking to be hell on Earth, but after the transition period, it's been entirely the opposite for me.
good to have you join us
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Thanks for the welcomes.
I'm glad I'm not missing alcohol the way I expected to, because almost right away I was hearing that inner voice saying "your drinking wasn't too bad. Just look at how much worse all these other peoples' drinking was. They're the real alcoholics, not you. And stopping for so long proves you don't have a problem. You can be a social drinker if you want to be."
I'm glad I'm not missing alcohol the way I expected to, because almost right away I was hearing that inner voice saying "your drinking wasn't too bad. Just look at how much worse all these other peoples' drinking was. They're the real alcoholics, not you. And stopping for so long proves you don't have a problem. You can be a social drinker if you want to be."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Hi opentuning, glad you are enjoying life without alcohol. And here we have Johnny Marr to look up to and I thought all we had was Henry Rollins on the sober train who I don't much care for lol thanks for that pertinent info!
I am only a few weeks into sobriety myself after many years of drinking, I hope I will feel as happy as you sound someday soon.
I am only a few weeks into sobriety myself after many years of drinking, I hope I will feel as happy as you sound someday soon.
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