Upwardspiral

36 days here. I'm determined to stay sober and have accepted that I'm an alcoholic and can never drink like a normal person; having failed numerous times to moderate as my drinking got more out of control. So far it has been pretty easy. I don't have many complicating factors in my life. I work and come home to be alone. I'm reclusive, to the point that I have let most of my friendships languish.
I'm outgoing and authoritative at work but on my own it's gotten harder and harder over the years to let people in, to feel comfortable in a group or with a new acquaintance. I guess I still don't feel comfortable in my own skin.
This weekend I'll be participating in a bike-camping trip with a cycling advocacy group I'm involved with. For me this features a few triggers: social anxiety, cycling (cyclists love beer!) and camping. I can forgo the camping if I feel uneasy day of. I don't plan on overtly telling anyone I've quit drinking, but I will make sure I bring lots of things to keep me occupied if booze is flowing freely.
This will be one of the first social activities I've attended in a long time where I will be 100% sober. I'm prepared to be very uncomfortable hanging out with a bunch of folks in the woods, many of whom will drink, but I won't let anything make me drink.
Beyond that, I hope someday I can actually look forward to days like this, rather than having to work to fight off thoughts of how unpleasantly things may go.

Tooshabby

Sounds like a great thing to be doing, Upwards. My guess is it will be thoroughly enjoyable and reinforce the idea life can be enjoyed without alcohol. Good for you for doing it :-)

notgonnastoptry

Thanks for the post, and good luck.

Your last sentence really resonates with me. Now I look forward to events, like early mornings ones, where drinking is not the default. I dread nighttime events, not because I'll be overly tempted (I'm not sure, haven't been to one yet), but because I used to love work events where free booze was flowing. Now I feel like I've ruined it for myself.

Ruby2

I too became reclusive. Hiding in the house but outgoing at work. It's so limiting. I hope you find peace and comfort on this trip even though you are expecting discomfort. When I've needed friends the most, I've found that I've shut them out. Have fun and enjoy the freedom of stretching a little.

MelindaFlowers

You're doing great! Just imagine biking the next day with a hangiver, sweating buckets. You'll feel great each day!

MythOfSisyphus

I think it will do you good, Upwardspiral! Avoid the ones that are drinking but working up a sweat for a good cause sounds great.

Soberwolf

Sounds great

Stewart888

Yep, we/I know how you feel. One thing I notice is after everyone has had their first drink they forget about me not drinking. Then it's fun to watch the show. Staying sober is fun by watching everyone.
Plus in your case and mine many a time...the next days bike ride feels so much better...)

Upwardspiral

Thanks everyone. Yeah, I think it is a good opportunity to stretch those sober muscles.
I ought to begin practicing visualization of positive outcomes in social situations. A counselor recommended that to me once but I've never embraced it. It seemed more ludicrous to imagine having fun and enjoying people than to imagine being disliked and embarrassing myself, or being bored. Ha!

Nowsthetime

Hello:

You are doing great! Think of this: you are going to have fun, you are going to be present and you will wake up refreshed and happy while others will be hungover. You have heard this before but I'll repeat it: nobody cares if we drink...

Have fun and be yourself!!!

This is a great opportunity!

ccam1973

Sounds like a great time Upwardspiral. Congrats on 36 days. Let yourself have fun and if your AV pops in your head, just play it forward to remind yourself where drinking will bring you back to. You can do this.

Have fun.