I WANT your help
 

This is not where I want to post. What I want to do is send a PM to Dee and talk to him personally. The forum won't let me do that, so here I am posting to everyone and I don't really want to.

I want a chance. I want help. I don't want to feel abandoned. I need your help.

I can't do this alone. I AM SORRY for being arrogant, rude, confrontational, not respecting who you are. I really am sorry.

Please, be my friend here. Please let me have the 10th chance. I WANT to be involved. I don't want to be on my own. I cannot do this alone.

I need everybody's help and for whatever reason, I HAVE gotten involved here. I read everyone's posts, I want to be involved with all of you. I need help too.

I drink probably once a week or so now, but I can't seem to get over the hump. I am drinking now and trying AGAIN, to reach out for help. I don't want to push it away and I am truly sorry for whatever I said or did, or however I acted.

Please, please, please, give me the support I want so badly. And I did go back and read my last post and I honestly didn't think it was THAT bad, so I don't know. Maybe there is something I am missing here.

Please forgive me for being arrogant. I want your help as much as I always have. I want friends and support to. I want to live.

Please PM me and talk to me. I am just like you. I really am. Please help me.

And I don't want to tell you that you can't do or that I am any better. I am not. I suppose I feel good putting people down, which I do, when I don't feel good about myself. I have a very hard time asking and accepting help, oddly, especially when I am sober. I always feel like then that I should "handle it," and it is to my detriment.

And yes, I am jealous, jealous of others sobriety, when I feel like I have tried so hard in all these years, and still fail. It makes me feel like a loser. It makes me be mean and nasty and rude.

I am someone too. I am you. I have feelings too. I feel bad about it. I feel bad about me. I want to be someone who is happy, successful, not scared of others' help. I don't want to put people down, I don't want to be "better than," because I know, in my heart, I am not.

Please answer what I have said here.

Mabel.

And like the AA book says, yes, I have a giant, inflatable ego. I want to be more than you. I want to be special. I want to rise above you. I want to put you down because I think I am better than who you are. I am better for not asking for help. That I can rise above it.

But you know what? It isn't true and maybe now, finally, I realize it. The only way I become anyone, is by asking for your help and your support in the first place. By humbling myself enough to do it at all. Instead of being the arrogant idiot that I have been. And it is why I still drink. Because I haven't realized or accepted that it isn't you .... it's me.

I don't quite understand. Where you a member here previously under another name?

Hi Mabel,

Banning people is our ultimate last resort measure.

If you're a banned member, this really isn't the way to come back.
I'll send you my SR email.

Dee
Moderator
SR