LoveLife0717

Hello! I'm new to this forum and this is my first post. I really some would like to have some advice from you people here, because I think you can relate to my situation. I have a son that is 42 yrs. old and is a crack addict. He has been on some type of drug or alcohol for the past 20 something years. He is currently in jail due to drugs and will be getting out in October of this year. He was living in another state with some really wonderful clean people. However, since he has been in jail, his good friend passed away and now he has no where to go but come back here and live with me.

He has not lived with me for more than 10 yrs. and I feel I am just going to be babysitting him when he gets here trying to keep him away from the crack addicts that will be after him. It will be very difficult for him to find a job because of his criminal record now and I just can't support him. I am a single woman near the retirement age.

I have read that the majority of drug addicts never really kick their habit and will eventually return the drug use. I visit him in jail and he makes so many promises... that he has changed and will live a clean live. I wish I could believe that, but he has made that promise so many times before. He has also tried to commit suicide several times ending up in the hospital. So I have the fear of coming home and finding him dead. I have put him in rehab after rehab over the years, but they never work. He always returns to the drugs.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you here.

And he probably will again, whether he stays with you or not. So maybe telling him he can't come home is the best thing you can do for you. Because there is very little letting him come home will do except protect him from the consequences of his addiction.

Visit our friends and family forum. Many there who have been right where you are now.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Soberwolf

My sister was addicted to crack & my brother

Welcome to SR

Anna

I'm sorry for your situation with your son.

It sounds like you really think it would be a mistake to allow him to live with you. Clearly he will need somewhere to live, so is it possible he could locate a halfway house where he could stay?

LoveLife0717

I can't just let him live on the street. I have a garage apartment where he will be staying...not in the house with me.

Yes Anna, I am checking into some programs that may help him get a job and he can stay there with them.

This is the third time he has gone to jail because of his crack buddies. He just doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes. I told him if he went to jail again, I would not send money, mail or visit him. But I know deep in my heart, he's gonna do it again.

NestWasEmpty

LoveLife , Welcome to SR sorry you've had a rough go with your son . Others here should have some ideas . Plus many posts & threads to read for help .

Soberwolf

Youl find tons of support here

LoveLife0717

Soberwolf, please tell me what happened to your brother & sister that were addicted to crack.

ScottFromWI

Unfortunately letting him fend for himself may be the only solution LoveLife. Giving him a place to live just furthers his ability to keep using. He will have to decide for himself when enough is a enough and when he wants to seek help, you cannot make him quit. You can certainly suggest options for him but even rehab won't work if he's not ready to go. It's quite common for those that are forced into rehab by the courts or others to simply return to using the minute they walk out the door.

I'd also suggest you visit the friends and family forum as there are many folks there that are in the same situation as you. It's an unfortunate one and you don't deserve it but you need to help lessen the damage to yourself too.

entropy1964

Hi Lovelife
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Are there social workers at the prison that could help transition him into a Sober Living Enviroment (SLE)? I don't know much about the prison system but maybe they could work with him to develop a plan for when he leaves jail. Maybe some outpatient recovery groups and AA? I'll bet there is some kind of connection there that could help you with this....

LoveLife0717

Thank you Frickaflip233. I will certainly check into that and see what they say. Maybe they can give me some names of programs.

Soberwolf

My kid brother got hooked after something horrific happened to him and got clean years ago he relapsed after years clean but is now 7 months sober if not more he was a big gambler (his main addiction) and we were both addicted to cocaine I got clean over 3 years ago & sober 25 months ago & as for my sister she was addicted to crack after losing her baby 5-6 months in that led to heroin and then I lost all contact with her

She then got off heroin using methadone she then got off methadone & was using subitex she was occasionally relapsing on crack and eventually went into a 6 month rehab which has given her back to my family which is a miracle my big sister is close to a year 10-11 months

I have my eldest sister who got sober first (alcohol & solvents) & inspired my sobriety she's over 3 years and is beyond awesome were very similar (protectors) so we clash a lot but today it was amazing sometimes it's perfect

My dad has just got sober (alcohol) he has before but not long enough to last he's over a week close to 2 weeks

My mother died sober with over 10 years continuous and 25 years overall if not more

Your not alone my new friend

LoveLife0717

Thanks Soberwolf. Your post has given me hope that my son could turn his life around. Thank you

Soberwolf

Yes he can

Nowsthetime

Hello:

I'm sorry about what brings you here. As mentioned before, check out the friends and family forum. I think you will find lots of info there.

I quoted you before so that you can see for yourself your state of mind. You say he went to jail because of his buddies... Your son is in his forties and he went to jail because of his choices. I am of the school of thought that sometimes loved ones end up enabling because they confuse it with love. Letting your forty-something yr old son fend for himself isn't unreasonable. If you keep saving him he will never be obligated to fend for himself. You also deserve to be happy and tranquil in your own home and I don't know if that will happen if he is there.

I'm not saying to shut him off, but do not enable. You have to determine from his attitude if he is ready or not. Please give him love and support but do not enable him. You will be hurting more than helping. Set boundaries and stick to them.

I hope that things get better. I am a mother and I understand your desire to come to the rescue but please keep yourself in mind too.

LoveLife0717

Thank you Nowsthetime. Your advice is well taken. You are right and I cannot take care of a 40 something year old man. Just cannot do it anymore and that is pretty much what I am telling him. He is on his own from now on.