getright15

How does one get over all the BS alcohol does to yourself and your family? I can't stop thinking about the overall crap I've done since my wife and I have gotten together (8 years total). The list is very long from yelling, throwing things, screaming at the kids, DUI's, jail, car repairs, bruises from falls, detox, lawyers, lying to work, lying to my wife and myself, verbal abuse...I can go on and on. My head is clear from drinking and I don't want to pick up a bottle. Why would I with the list of things I just wrote? You'd think one DUI was enough...nope, not enough to get my act together. The 2nd one? Nope not enough to get my act together! The 3rd in 15 months which happened August 12th should be enough right?

I would love to answer the questions above with a YES that's enough! I can't take this anguish anymore. I think about all I've done it keeps me up at night. I know I can't change what I've done, but man it is hard to shake. I'm still waiting on clearance for me to get into out patient therapy(was on klonopin for anxiety). I have to get my a sign off from my psychiatrist stating I'm no longer taking the medication before they'll allow me to enter treatment. I'm choosing to go because I know I need the help. Nobody is making me, but I know I can't go on like this. I've had some really bad thoughts throughout all of this. No pity party for myself, but I throw one for my family because well I suck to be around when I'm drunk. I'm no fun.

ScottFromWI

You get over it by doing exactly what you are doing now...not drinking and making a concrete plan to stay sober. It's going to take time though.while the addict in us wants instant gratification, it just doesn't work that way. Trust and respect is gained back by proving to others that we can be responsible and take care of ourselves.

entropy1964

Hi there
I relate very much to how you are feeling. I'm living in a world of regret, although its improving. No matter how much I hear I need to forgive myself, show compassion, make amends where I can (who needs to hear 'I'm sorry' again?) don't live in the past etc etc its very hard to move forward. Of course it's all true.

For me it boils down to doing the next right thing. One right thing at a time. Sounds so basic but it really works..however it takes time. The only way for me to feel good about me is to do good things...all day, everyday. And it doesn't have to be big things....just the right thing. Handle issues that I've been putting off, taking good care of my health mentally and physically, being kind, showing patience...you get what I'm saying. One right thing adds to the next and before I know it...self esteem! And the past starts to fade. But my actions are all that matters....words, while nice, are just that. Good action reinforces good action, one step at a time.

I also will write down the regrets, bad actions and feelings of shame. I'll write down what part I played in what happened, why I believe I did what I did and what I need to change in myself so that I learn to not repeat the mistake. Then I do what I can, make amends, pay a fine, pay my dues...whatever it is. Then I have to let it go once I've done all I can and learned all I can. Yesterday will define today if I let it. And if yesterday was bad, today will be too. Today has tremendous potential...if I let it. Hang in there.

Anna

I think the best thing you can is to use the regrets to propel yourself forward. Don't waiver, keep putting one foot in front of the other and you'll be okay.

firstymer

Time. And, more specifically, sober time. That is the best cure for the nagging, gnawing, shame-inducing preoccupation with our drunken misdeeds of the past.

It's as simple as it is difficult. Get and stay sober and I guarantee that, with each new sober day, you will think less about your past deeds, and more about your brightening future.

Good.

firstymer

Good luck*

IOAA2

Hi.

It takes some of us to many losses to see the writing on the wall and realize we’ve almost lost it all because at a certain point alcohol only takes away from us, even our values and soul.

The answer is to not do things our way which has proven a failure time after time.
It takes action, work and change to become a recovered person which too many can’t/won’t do and fall by the roadside into a real miserable life.

Alcoholism is progressive every day and if we continue drinking today will be the best day as the losses pile up.
Yes no one is immune if we continue to drink.

BE WELL

Soberwolf

Having a plan helps for instance I'm having a bad panic attack right now but that's all it is panic I have a plan I know what I'm doing next I even feel down but that will not stop me I do 2 things tomorrow that increase my chance at real studying and applying for a certain type of work

notgonnastoptry

I hear you. Most of my turmoil was inner and I was badly behaved, meaning, I fought with everyone and was generally mean, but for different reasons, people were not regularly exposed to it. I was pretty secretive and successful at being secretive. Believe me, most of them are behaving in an unsupportive manner (family) and they would have loved to have gloat even more. Nope. They didn't know. But now they do, thanks to my husband's lack of understanding why I needed it to be kept between us.

Anyway, I've moaned about that a lot on here. Still, even though I never had those ultimate rock bottoms (no problems at work, promotions even, no dui, etc.) it still affected everyone and it's even worse now that they know I spend a large part of the last year drunk. I lost that time, I feel major guilt, and wonder how this will affect them in the long term, especially because some seem not to want to heal but hold grudges. Wil they be writing on a message board in 20 years that they are sober (i hope they will be) because they grew up with an alcoholic mom and hated it? I also feel extreme guilt since i've read that in most kids with alcoholic parents, it's 60 percent of the time the dad, and only 20 percent the mom. I feel extremely guilty and like a major deadbeat as in I didn't put kids first. I have no doubt that many mothers deal with stress and anxiety and don't go for the bottle. So, I'm with you but I can't offer much advice

getright15

You hit the nail on the head with wanting the "instant gratification" part! I replay incidents in my head over and over about how I could've done things differently or handled myself differently, but like you said it's going to take time.

getright15

Basically all I can do!

getright15

I'm surprised I still have my jobs. One I work from home and the other is a contract job. I'm on call 2 weeks out of each month and I was in jail during that time. My bosses didnt hear from me for days!

Zebra1275

I know two things that will work.

1. Work the all steps of AA.

2. The passage of time, with you being sober all of the time.

It sounds like alcohol has been screwing up your life for 8 years. It might take 3 or 4 years to undue the damage you've done. But it can be done!

getright15

I know it's going to take a lot of time to heal the wounds I've opened up. I guess I'll find out when I go to out patient if I can be and stay sober! I'm so tired of screwing my life up. All day today I just lambasted myself for all the crap I've done. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and not be seen.

I have court in October for the 2nd DUI and then I get another one! Only fitting as really...I just shake my head at all. Sigh

Mags1

Hi getitright. You can be and stay sober.

Firstly, can be sober, don't drink. Learn not to drink, after all, it's just trouble in a bottle!

Secondly, stay sober. That's the difficult one but it can be done, we are testaments to that fact. I used SR but it seems like you will be having help with a plan.

I was frustrated and ridden by guilt remembering how I behaved when drunk. It does go, learning to live without booze helps. With a bigger time gap as every day passes, sober, the bad memories fade.