It hit the fan
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Glad to hear Mera! Tutto bene.
Im proud that you have double digits too good job. Keeping my cool is something I struggle with so I think I understand how happy you feel with the way you handled the situation. Keep us posted!
Ciao.
Im proud that you have double digits too good job. Keeping my cool is something I struggle with so I think I understand how happy you feel with the way you handled the situation. Keep us posted!
Ciao.
im cosi felice il tuo amico Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by Meraviglioso 
...What will I change this time? I honestly don't know. I honestly don't. I feel like I am doing everything I can. Going to AA, reading the big book, posting here, reflecting on sobriety daily, going to the addiction center, speaking to a psychologist….
Good luck. xx
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Beccybean, I sure wish I had a sonsor to speak to. Unfortunately at my meetings they don't do sponsors, chips, steps, everything else .... They are a great group of people, but it is all very different from what I have always understood AA to be.
Edited to add: despite the differences in expectations I am still very thankful for the group and members of. I appreciate their support and feel hope and peace upon entering and exiting of each meeting.
Edited to add: despite the differences in expectations I am still very thankful for the group and members of. I appreciate their support and feel hope and peace upon entering and exiting of each meeting.
Originally Posted by Beccybean
Have you spoken to your sponsor? Maybe they will have some ideas.
Good luck. xx
Good luck. xx
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
The thing is, going to meetings isn't the AA program. It's PART of the program. The steps are the program. Are you sure no-one in there is working the steps? Maybe ask around a bit. There may be someone there who has worked them and is in the position to guide you through as your sponsor. Wherever you go to meetings, you have to ask someone to sponsor you. They don't offer.
I have heard of people having online sponsors if that's the only option. Not perfect, but better than nothing. I really think working through the steps could be really helpful to you. You say you've been reading your AA literature. Have you got a copy of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions? I found that book is really great for understanding and expanding on my Big Book reading.
It might be worth asking about this in the 12-step support area, as people there might be able to offer some suggestions about how to get a sponsor and work the steps if it's not happening in your local meetings.
Good luck - and and glad things are looking better for you now.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
I have heard of people having online sponsors if that's the only option. Not perfect, but better than nothing. I really think working through the steps could be really helpful to you. You say you've been reading your AA literature. Have you got a copy of the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions? I found that book is really great for understanding and expanding on my Big Book reading.
It might be worth asking about this in the 12-step support area, as people there might be able to offer some suggestions about how to get a sponsor and work the steps if it's not happening in your local meetings.
Good luck - and and glad things are looking better for you now.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks Beccy for your advice, it is appreciated. I'll see what I can do in terms of getting some help and guidance with the steps. They seem to do things a bit differently here, I am not sure why or how, but there are clear differences from what I understand AA to be in other areas.
One small example, at a meeting a few weeks ago a woman was celebrating 9 years of sobriety. She brought some cakes and candles and at the end of the meeting the entire al-anon group was invited in for the celebration. I found that slightly peculiar as I assumed that one of the most important parts of alcoholics anonymous was the ability to be in a safe, private space. Inviting in non members (albeit ones sympathetic to our plight) seemed to go against this idea.
No one spoke on her behalf, she had no sponsor, we just ate some cake. It was lovely, meaningful in its own way, but different from what I had expected.
In any case, I am feeling quite good this go around. I've got support lined up at every angle, including of course SR. I have a goal of 'working the steps' but simply attending the weekly meetings is also beneficial to me at this point. Oh, it can't hurt!
One small example, at a meeting a few weeks ago a woman was celebrating 9 years of sobriety. She brought some cakes and candles and at the end of the meeting the entire al-anon group was invited in for the celebration. I found that slightly peculiar as I assumed that one of the most important parts of alcoholics anonymous was the ability to be in a safe, private space. Inviting in non members (albeit ones sympathetic to our plight) seemed to go against this idea.
No one spoke on her behalf, she had no sponsor, we just ate some cake. It was lovely, meaningful in its own way, but different from what I had expected.
In any case, I am feeling quite good this go around. I've got support lined up at every angle, including of course SR. I have a goal of 'working the steps' but simply attending the weekly meetings is also beneficial to me at this point. Oh, it can't hurt!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Oh yes - the meetings are valuable as well. Definitely. But the steps are The Programme. Not all meetings do specific Step work here. The one I go to tonight does, because it's a 12 and 12 based one, so we look at a specific step, one specific person (pre-arranged) will share on it, and then the chair opens the meeting for sharing on that step or anything else AA related. Not all are that specific and can be just general share.
Some meetings here are advertised as 'open' which means people can bring along friends / family who support them. Most are 'closed' though. I suppose at least Al-Anon members have the same respect for anonymity, but if it was a 'closed' meeting they would usually at least discuss it rather than just bring them in I'd have thought.
9 years of sobriety! That's impressive. Maybe she's worked the steps and would sponsor you??!!
x
Some meetings here are advertised as 'open' which means people can bring along friends / family who support them. Most are 'closed' though. I suppose at least Al-Anon members have the same respect for anonymity, but if it was a 'closed' meeting they would usually at least discuss it rather than just bring them in I'd have thought.
9 years of sobriety! That's impressive. Maybe she's worked the steps and would sponsor you??!!
x
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
A turn for the worse. This guy is really trying to screw me! I am trying to control myself but feel afraid of losing my mind over this. He is playing super dirty and I do not know how to handle this legally and especially emotionally. I will not let this bastard ruin my hard work in sobriety but it is testing me. I have old habits ingrained and want to drink over this. I have to remember it WILL NOT HELP ANYTHING.
God I am so mad I could spit. If I saw him know I would take a chair to his face. I am furious!!!!!!
God I am so mad I could spit. If I saw him know I would take a chair to his face. I am furious!!!!!!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi Mera.
Now is not the time to despair. Your business and your life depend on it.
When things start spinning out of control, it helps to slow ourselves down. For me, sobriety in general is a process of learning how to slow down, and then doing it.
Unless there is something meaningful that you can do to improve your situation at this moment, then you need to find a way to soothe yourself without drinking. Picking up a drink is only running away from a situation that demands your complete attention, but there's nothing you can do right now to set everything right. Allowing panic to overcome you will continue to make matters worse.
I don't know what it is that settles you, but sometimes leaving the place where we are physically helps. Same is true of speaking with someone you trust.
I allowed personal, financial and interpersonal situations to irreversibly deteriorate when I was drinking, and then there was nothing more I could do about them when I did. I was an expert at losing everything.
Today when I'm in crisis, I've learned instead to be deliberate, thoughtful and sometimes creative in situations that threaten my well-being. I no longer doubt my ability to rise to the occasion, regardless of the outcome, often with the counsel of helping others. The result is that I no longer lose what is valuable to me without getting something in return.
This moment will pass. You will find a way to be up to the task. All you need to do is to slow down and not drink. Everyone here is pulling for you. It's time you allow yourself to succeed, and this is only possible by not picking up the drink.
Now is not the time to despair. Your business and your life depend on it.
When things start spinning out of control, it helps to slow ourselves down. For me, sobriety in general is a process of learning how to slow down, and then doing it.
Unless there is something meaningful that you can do to improve your situation at this moment, then you need to find a way to soothe yourself without drinking. Picking up a drink is only running away from a situation that demands your complete attention, but there's nothing you can do right now to set everything right. Allowing panic to overcome you will continue to make matters worse.
I don't know what it is that settles you, but sometimes leaving the place where we are physically helps. Same is true of speaking with someone you trust.
I allowed personal, financial and interpersonal situations to irreversibly deteriorate when I was drinking, and then there was nothing more I could do about them when I did. I was an expert at losing everything.
Today when I'm in crisis, I've learned instead to be deliberate, thoughtful and sometimes creative in situations that threaten my well-being. I no longer doubt my ability to rise to the occasion, regardless of the outcome, often with the counsel of helping others. The result is that I no longer lose what is valuable to me without getting something in return.
This moment will pass. You will find a way to be up to the task. All you need to do is to slow down and not drink. Everyone here is pulling for you. It's time you allow yourself to succeed, and this is only possible by not picking up the drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Mera, bottom line is you have to believe in yourself. You have to deal with this with a clear head. Absolutely nothing good will come to you if you take a drink. You know this is the truth.
As hard as it is, as tough as this is testing your will, you can't drink. Trust in yourself, in what you can accomplish sober, believe and know that you will be worse off tomorrow if you drink today.
Vent to us. You've got our ears.
As hard as it is, as tough as this is testing your will, you can't drink. Trust in yourself, in what you can accomplish sober, believe and know that you will be worse off tomorrow if you drink today.
Vent to us. You've got our ears.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
End Game is right--soothe yourself by taking a walk, exercising, drinking a coffee with a friend.
Drinking will just destroy whatever solution might be possible.
You said you have allies in this--maybe go see them?
If he is playing dirty, it should come out sooner or later.
Don't let an event, or a person, take your sobriety.
You can and will get through this
Drinking will just destroy whatever solution might be possible.
You said you have allies in this--maybe go see them?
If he is playing dirty, it should come out sooner or later.
Don't let an event, or a person, take your sobriety.
You can and will get through this
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Other than the things that were already mentioned above, my suggestion is to limit interaction with the person who is stressing you out and is "playing dirty" to the necessary minimum. In my experience, many people whose strategies often involve unfair and manipulative operations will try to get into our mind, plans, and schedules in ways that support their goals but are often disruptive to our own ways of doing things or previous agreements. I'm dealing with such things/individuals often in my work and the best sober strategy that tends to bring good results is staying strictly on task, as calm as possible, and not being responsive to emotional or even rational manipulation. This can be hard at times of course because who does not get annoyed, but it never leads to good. I also often just decide to put the task on hold for a day or two if there are no strict deadlines or risks to lose something important, focus on something more straightforward, and get back to the "tricky business" with a calmer mind-frame later. If things get very heated and I can afford, sometimes I even decide to call it a day and do something other than work for a while. Go get some exercise or something that can channel the steam out in a safe way. Anything but drink. You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Don't let this stronzo get the best of you. Play the tape. Then you all have to start all over with it and you will feel like crap. This isn't worth you sobriety, specially now that you have had progress!!!
You are not alone. We are with you.
You are not alone. We are with you.
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