tired of the tears for days I have tried to figure out which of my friends I can talk to about what is going on in my family and i am so embarrassed by what has happened here that I looked for an online forum and found this one. short story long? I am almost 46 years old - 1 year, 1 month 2 weeks ago I decided to take a break from drinking - i was a bottle of wine a night drinker... but i knew I needed to stop drinking like that and try to drink in moderation, and my husband was praying that i would quit. you never knew which girl you were gonna get at the bottom of that bottle - either fun and happy or mean as mean can get. I only intended to take a break for about a week. as the days rolled on i realized God had literally delivered me from drinking all together - wasnt in my plan but it was in His. today, my family calls me HOLIER THAN THO because I FOUND GOD. first off, i never lost Him. but anyway, my mother got drunk on friday night and has done her damnest to get everyoen in my famly to hate me, even going so far as to try to get my kids to turn against me. They finally broke me and put me into tears the last 2 days. I have had to block them from every site I am part of - i tried to block their cell numbers but it didnt work. my brother is threatening me and myu son - my some is continualy throwing fuel on the fire - my brother and I have had 1 fight in our whole adult life. Im pretty sure i will never talk to my mother or brother again. the things that were said were flat out disgusting. i am embarrased to be a part of that bloodline. has this happened to anyone else?? |
I was pretty much a bottle of wine a night drinker too And like you it was russian roulette... I could be absolutely charming all night or a deranged psycho. Sorry to hear about your ma, I've been fighting on and off withbmy family all year xoxo Keep your head up |
I've never experienced such extreme but my family does sabotage my sobriety. No matter how many times I tell them I want to quit, they just laugh and tell me that if I learn to moderate, I'll be so much happier. But there is no moderation, like yourself I drink till bottle is empty and it is sad.... The next morning, like yourself, I'm in tears and feel like such a failure as I could not stand up to them. |
Im sorry to hear about this situation with your family and yes as sad as it maybe to reach out to total strangers in recovery for help other than your family, many of us have been there, done that same similar situation as you. It hurts most of all especially in families where this illness lives and affects all whom are involved and yet they become the ones that don't understand, don't have the knowledge of addiction other than being a gutter drunk, broken down drinker, someone who has lost it all, etc, When I entered recovery 25 yrs ago, not by my choice, but thru my husband and family at that time, did an intervention on me placing me into the hands of those knowledgeable about addiction and was able to teach me about it. After my 28 day instay rehab, the ball was in my court and it was my responsibility to take what was taught to me and carry on in my own recovery continueing to learn healthy ways to remain sober one day at a time. And I did and I have for many one days at a time down the road. My family of orgin, parent, siblings, spouse and family whom Ive divorced from, remarried today happier, healthier and honest for 6 yrs now, all of them figured that once I learned to not drink anymore and that I was cured and didn't need to depend on my AA recovery program, the fellowship who has been my constant support thru lifes ever changing events. I tried soooo many times over the past yrs to explain it to them what and who I am and what is needed for me to live a sober life each day , with them not understanding till I had had enough, realizing that I cant make anyone understand something they have no knowledge of or understanding of. Accepting them just as they are, letting them go, moving on with my own life and placing them into the Hands of the Man upstairs or my HP = Higher Power, or God of my understanding and upbringing, takes all that stress and burden off my shoulders and can live my life for me and what is good for me to remain sober each day. It was explained to me that in order for the entire family to communicate, understand each other and continue to grow as a healthy family unit then all must be working some sort of recovery program designed for each member of the family. In my case, my family, no one seemed to want to work on this illness that affects everyone and thus has separated, divorced, split me from them as sad as it may sound. Today, that is not my problem any longer because I have moved on living life acceptable to me and my life. A sober life worth enjoying each and everyday Im healthy, happy and honest. Do what will benefit you and ur well being is all I can suggest to you and continue to learn how others with this similar situation in their lives and have found a solution that works. :) |
I'm glad you posted and good for you for stopping drinking. It seems your family is upset that you no longer drink? Then, maybe it's time to take a step back and just breathe for a little bit and regain your balance. I agree that in no way should you accept abuse from anyone, including family members. |
I'm sorry you're going thru this trouble. :hug: |
Welcome to SR AbusedDaughter youl find so much support here Really nice to meet you :hug: |
All this over stopping drinking? Really? I would do as others say, step back and ignore them. Let them leave messages instead of picking up their calls. Don't engage with them on social media. Keep your distance. They are the one's in the wrong, not you. Sometimes when we address our drinking issues, it makes other people uneasy about their own drinking. They feel uncomfortable drinking themselves around us who have stopped. It won't be a big deal in a few months time for them. But in all honesty, it should not be a deal now, which it seems to be. If you and your husband are happy, then really thats all that matters. |
Everyone is fighting some kind of battle... And we can really only tend to our own. Whatever is going on between you and your family, cannot be worth jeopardizing your sobriety. Do you have emotional support? Perhaps a counselor or therapist you can talk through these things with? Sometimes family dynamics can be difficult to understand and navigate, and a qualified, experienced third party can help is being some clarity to difficult circumstances. Whatever the situation with your family or others, I hope you are able to honor your sobriety as a #1 priority and make space for healthy ways of dealing with the stress and frustration that your family dynamics may bring. We're here for you, as well. This is a good place to vent and find support, which is often the greatest need we have in these situations. |
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