Rlong87

My husband of 5 years is struggling with opiate/narcotic/alcohol addictions. He has always had alcohol problems and a couple of years ago got into oxy when he crushed his foot. It escalated from there. I made it clear that his drinking was a major problem and he hasn't had a drink in 3 weeks (a major victory for him). However his pill problem has gotten completely out of hand. We have 2 young kids, one only 6 months. So I have been too busy to focus on his problems. But it is time. I confronted him. He always says he won't do inpatient treatment but this time he actually said he needed it and he can't wait to go. We are waiting for admission RN to call back, he tried to call back today no answer, and now they are closed for the weekend. So basically he is still getting high so that he is not ill. I am trying to be really understanding as he is being very open with me and not trying to hide anything. But that is just making is super obvious and irritating me. Why can't he just do what he needs not to be sick?? I'm afraid he's gonna try to go out with a bang and do it big befor rehab. Any insight from anyone that's been through this??

Saskia

I'm sorry to hear your husband is struggling and of course that means it affects the entire family. Addiction is a disease. It affects the opioid receptors in the brain. For those of us with this disease, it can be very difficult to stop. I spent the past 3+ years getting sober and needed lots of help and support to do it. It's not a question of willpower.

I hope your husband can get into rehab as soon as possible. You might want to consider going to AlAnon meetings for families of addicts to help you get a better understanding of this. Also, there is a Friends and Families section on this forum which would help you get a better understanding and provide very necessary support for you.

I wish you the best in this very difficult situation!

Rlong87

Wow thanks. I didn't realize there was a friends and family forum. I will look into that. I have been thinking about going to AlAnon. Just trying to get him into treatment next week and I might go to my first meeting while he is inpatient. Thanks for the feedback! Congratulations on your recovery, it always makes me so hopeful when I hear stories of those in recovery. There is a light at the end of this dark tunnel!

Austin4Wyo

Why wait till he's admitted? If he and your children are safe, is there a reason to delay your own healing through understanding and support?

I think your concern about "going out with a bang" is well founded. I did, certainly, before I entered inpatient on a couple different occasions. First was to sit in my apartment and just stare at the TV, play my PS2, and drink as much and as hard as I could while conscious. The second was ten days holed up in a Days Inn, doing much the same. Other behaviors were interspersed, but the focus was on avoiding the very severe reality of my addiction, and convincing myself that this was the "last good time." I have anecdotally found that sort of behavior to be reasonably common.

With that in mind, I encourage you to seek out Alanon or another support group sooner rather than later. I just posted in another thread about how non-addicts and addicts sometimes struggle to relate, and how support, guidance, and validation from those in similar circumstances are very beneficial to healing. Waiting until "the the time is right" seems impossible, because there's never a perfect, convenient time. The right time, at least for me, was when I decided I needed some healing. Your mileage may vary, but is there any real benefit to waiting? Or is there just more stress and anxiety, which those meetings could help you with?

Rlong87

You're absolutely right. I'm actually rather excited to start to attend a support group. I say while he's in because I'm hoping he's goes in on Friday, and honestly that is the first time I'll have a chance to go. I have 2 jobs and 2 kids. It's normally ok to leave my kids with him but I WILL NOT leave them with him while he's like this. So it's hard to get a chance to go. But I most certainly will ASAP.
I think the rehab center offers some family support as well and integrates family into his program. I am very excited. I also just got involved in this website and I'm going to suggest he joins it. There is a lot of support here and I think he would find it beneficial. I certainly have.
As far as the going out with a bang, I talked to him about it last night (I know that may not matter but at least I said something). I told him I needed him to be somewhat decent. I couldn't have him on a nod for the next week before he leaves. I just reminded him that his kids and I have to watch him. He says he won't be like that today. So we'll see.

Saskia

If the time until he goes into rehab becomes difficult, I hope you'll reach out for help. Local AA folks might have suggestions as well as other members here.

Anna

I hope that this works out well for you and your family.

I would caution you that his recovery is his. He will need to want to recover and do the work involved. As well, your recovery is about you and making boundaries in your life that work for you and your children.

Bird615

Glad to hear you are open to AlAnon. As mentioned, addiction is a family disease, meaning that the whole family can't help but be affected by it.
His chances of staying sober/clean are also increased if you take care of yourself and the whole family gets well. Best wishes to you!

Rlong87

Thanks. Yes I know all too well that HE has to be the one to begin this journey. I while heartedly believe he is ready this time. And I will do what I have to do to take care of myself and my children. But I will be a part of his recovery in any way that I can support and encourage him. I'm just trying to learn how to do those things.
It's strange, I'm a nurse. I take care of people every day. I treat alcoholics and addicts at the hospital when they are ill and withdrawing. But it is completely different when it hits home.

Soberwolf

brynn

Rlong....I'm just now seeing this but wanted to offer my support and solidarity as you go through this.
My partner is scheduled to start rehab tomorrow and he's out right now getting obliterated. Don't know if he'll actually go tomorrow or not, but I'm learning that the consequences are his and I have to learn to live my life regardless.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rlong87

Very true. Good luck to you as well. I hope your husband gets the help he needs today!

Rlong87

So hubs is scheduled to go in for detox on Monday!! We are so ready. I have also found some local meetings that I will be attending for some extra support. That is once my kids get over their viruses (kids always get sick at the worst times)
But my husband seems very optimistic this time and I truly believe he will be able to do well. We just need to get to the other side of this and start our journey in his recovery!

Rlong87

Hope your partner and you are doing well. And hope he went in for help.

brynn

Thanks Rlong!

Glad to hear yall have a day set and he's going!

My guy did go to detox on Sunday. Now it's time for me to figure out what I want and need.