Great googly moogly
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
It sounds like your going to have a rough 3 months. Its likely because you have a problem. You are going to abstain to prove you don't have a problem. Since you don't truly want to abstain your going to make yourself miserable and either fail or make it suffering through. Refer to the term dry drunk for reference. Good luck.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 64
Had a great day today. Made some pasta and a great sauce. Don't feel like drinking at all. Will check back in tomorrow to let you know, even though most of you have made it feel like I don't belong. Doing this for me, not you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Margate, UK
Posts: 549
Originally Posted by ckoures 
It seems to me anytime we have the argument with ourselves to moderate any behavior, we realize it is far from under control.
I hope the OP moderates just fine and can be happy with it. That'd be awesome.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 607
Originally Posted by letitgo
It sounds like your going to have a rough 3 months. Its likely because you have a problem. You are going to abstain to prove you don't have a problem. Since you don't truly want to abstain your going to make yourself miserable and either fail or make it suffering through. Refer to the term dry drunk for reference. Good luck.
Moderation did not work for me. Whatever your plan is, I hope it works out for you. If it doesn't come up with another plan. I believe people will always be here for support.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
I am not name calling. Actually I was just referring to dry drunk as a term in sobriety. I don't follow AA or have a higher power. But I thought it was helpful to share this term. IMO the term dry drunk suggests some are unable to find happiness without the drink. So I just want to make you aware of it. There is literature that suggests ways to alleviate these feelings of missing the drink in early sobriety. If you have a problem with alcohol I would think you could relate to the loss of it in sobriety.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
Originally Posted by MilitiARGH
Had a great day today. Made some pasta and a great sauce. Don't feel like drinking at all. Will check back in tomorrow to let you know, even though most of you have made it feel like I don't belong. Doing this for me, not you.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
I would willingly call myself a dry drunk because I've been there and don't view it as derogatory at all.
As letitgo stated, it's simply someone who isn't drinking and miserable with it. I tried to stay sober without meetings and gradually reverted back to a lot of my old ways of thinking and viewing the world (such as "Life's a bitch and then you die") I had when drinking. Drinking wasn't my problem, it used to be the "answer" to my problems and when it didn't work anymore and started destroying me, then it became the problem and I needed to sober up. As I mentioned in another post, sober and dry can also be states of mind in my view.
Of course there are other methods of getting and staying sober other than this, and I have respect for whatever works. This is just my experience.
As letitgo stated, it's simply someone who isn't drinking and miserable with it. I tried to stay sober without meetings and gradually reverted back to a lot of my old ways of thinking and viewing the world (such as "Life's a bitch and then you die") I had when drinking. Drinking wasn't my problem, it used to be the "answer" to my problems and when it didn't work anymore and started destroying me, then it became the problem and I needed to sober up. As I mentioned in another post, sober and dry can also be states of mind in my view.
Of course there are other methods of getting and staying sober other than this, and I have respect for whatever works. This is just my experience.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by MilitiARGH
I don't want to be 100% sober. I want to be normal. I want to be able to go out, eat a steak, watch the game and enjoy a beer, come home and go to work the next day.
Right now I can't. So I'm trying to not drink, which is hard. That's why I'm here.
Right now I can't. So I'm trying to not drink, which is hard. That's why I'm here.
I wanted to go out, eat a steak, watch the game and drink all the beer, come home, drink vodka, rum, tequila and whiskey - pass out and call in sick. I did not want to drink, I wanted to get drunk - early and often. Years back my wife thought it'd be nice to have a wine collection - I agreed. We got up to 4 bottles once..........
It was not always that way, but over the last few years something broke on the off switch.
If that's not you maybe you're just a heavy drinker and will indeed figure out how to moderate - or maybe discover you'd rather quit. That's your decision, for sure.
Please understand most of us here are alcoholics and talk of moderation is like preaching in a brothel about sin.
Good luck to you,
Keep coming back - we'll be here.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
MilitiARGH
From the first post you put on here the impression I got is that you wanted to be argumentative and to come in wanting to cause some disruption. With that said, we are welcoming people. We are here to offer words of encouragement, to offer advice on how maybe we would handle a situation, to let someone know they are not alone if they feel like no one else understands them, and etc. They are only our opinions and we hope it gives someone a different perspective or a possible solution maybe. If you are here then you are aware you have a problem with alcohol. Again my thoughts, but what you are hearing is your alcoholic self telling you that you can moderate. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to go on a hiatus to be able to drink normally. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to moderate. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to re-group and have a "do over". They already do all these things normally and naturally without a second thought.
Sure you will be able probably to moderate for a while, but you will once again find yourself right back to where you are now. I can't tell you how many times I've done the same things and got the same result. Pretty sure there's a quote about that and I know a lot of addictive behavior groups use this analogy too. I hope for your sake that things work out for you. I hope you don't spend three months and have a good month or so "moderating" then you have the same old end result, back to square one.
From the first post you put on here the impression I got is that you wanted to be argumentative and to come in wanting to cause some disruption. With that said, we are welcoming people. We are here to offer words of encouragement, to offer advice on how maybe we would handle a situation, to let someone know they are not alone if they feel like no one else understands them, and etc. They are only our opinions and we hope it gives someone a different perspective or a possible solution maybe. If you are here then you are aware you have a problem with alcohol. Again my thoughts, but what you are hearing is your alcoholic self telling you that you can moderate. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to go on a hiatus to be able to drink normally. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to moderate. People who aren't alcoholics don't have to re-group and have a "do over". They already do all these things normally and naturally without a second thought.
Sure you will be able probably to moderate for a while, but you will once again find yourself right back to where you are now. I can't tell you how many times I've done the same things and got the same result. Pretty sure there's a quote about that and I know a lot of addictive behavior groups use this analogy too. I hope for your sake that things work out for you. I hope you don't spend three months and have a good month or so "moderating" then you have the same old end result, back to square one.
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 740
Originally Posted by MilitiARGH
Had a great day today. Made some pasta and a great sauce. Don't feel like drinking at all. Will check back in tomorrow to let you know, even though most of you have made it feel like I don't belong. Doing this for me, not you.
But just because people here failed at moderation, doesn't mean they aren't experts at something better, sobriety. Sadly, you're not giving the experts here a fair shot at what they know well. When I say that, I mean really think about giving up the drink for good.
I came on here two years ago, didnt like what I heard, believed I was different, unique, and went off to waste two more years of my life chasing moderation. I came back a month ago feeling exhausted and ashamed. Turns out the answer was here all along, total sobriety for the rest of my life. So, I finally chose it. I hope you will too.
Delfin
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Originally Posted by MilitiARGH
Alright, first off.
We don't know each other. At all.
"if you want to tone it down, then tone it down" Is easier said than done, that's why I'm quitting all together for a few months first, then re-evaluating.
I can't get any more educated about brain chemistry and addiction, than you can, given the current resources online and their validity.
Who is this "WE" and what does he have to do with me, and my history?
I'm different, so is the next guy. If I'm wrong then burn me at the steak.
We don't know each other. At all.
"if you want to tone it down, then tone it down" Is easier said than done, that's why I'm quitting all together for a few months first, then re-evaluating.
I can't get any more educated about brain chemistry and addiction, than you can, given the current resources online and their validity.
Who is this "WE" and what does he have to do with me, and my history?
I'm different, so is the next guy. If I'm wrong then burn me at the steak.
And as you already mention, which I did not imply that I did, was that I DO not know you. That is why the "depending on your history" statement was made.
You have a lot of fire in your posts. You come across as combative.
Which is fine. But if you are going to post on a forum where a great majority of the participants do not concur with your approach or logic, then expect to be challenged.
I hope you are successful in what you are attempting. I never attempted it myself. Based on what I had read here and stories from others., I felt "based on MY history" that it would be futile for me to attempt it.
So I graciously accept that I will never drink again. And I will never change my mind. But that's me.
OH, and the term 'dry drunk' - I'd rather be called a yankee than a dry drunk (a made up word for a certain group of zealots). Some clown yesterday asked me if I'm not a yankee then what am I. HUH?
The "Y" word... is how I equate it.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
Posts: 748
I'd like to make a comment. A lot of you are missing something here. A poster has come to SR to say that they want to abstain from alcohol for 3 months and that the website has something to offer.
The poster is in the first week of sobriety in a plan for 90 days of sobriety. The relevant support is about not drinking today which is what the poster is doing. I'd like to leave a challenge to all of us to make our support about "not drinking today" instead of this distraction about what's going to happen in 3 months from now. A lot can change over 90 days. There may or may not be a return to drinking at that point. That is not today's battle.
The poster is correct in stating that there have been some comments put out there that send an unwelcoming message. Let's be a welcoming community. People come to sobriety in lots of different situations and mind sets. Let's be there for them in what they are dealing with today and the support that they need for now.
The poster is in the first week of sobriety in a plan for 90 days of sobriety. The relevant support is about not drinking today which is what the poster is doing. I'd like to leave a challenge to all of us to make our support about "not drinking today" instead of this distraction about what's going to happen in 3 months from now. A lot can change over 90 days. There may or may not be a return to drinking at that point. That is not today's battle.
The poster is correct in stating that there have been some comments put out there that send an unwelcoming message. Let's be a welcoming community. People come to sobriety in lots of different situations and mind sets. Let's be there for them in what they are dealing with today and the support that they need for now.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Casper, WY
Posts: 287
The "preaching about sin in a brothel" made me laugh. If you're aware you're speaking to a crowd who aren't receptive to your ideas, whats the point? Hollering for the sake of hollering doesn't strike me as time well spent, particularly when there are viable alternatives to recieve the support for your goals that you seem to seek.
I don't go to a vegan restaurant and ask them how to moderate my red meat intake after three months abstaining. That strikes me as highly illogical, but its akin to what you're up to here.
(Spock would be proud...please note my attached image.)
At any rate, I've seen people moderate effectively in the past after being problem drinkers. However, I don't particularly think they were alcoholic/alcohol-dependent. More likely, they were faced with too much time and not enough good ideas to fill it. When faced with serious consequences, they were effectively able to change their habits because drinking wasn't the primary focus, overcoming boredom was.
(Wyoming was interesting in college...heh.)
Mili, I'd love to see you be one of those types. Have you given any thought as to what your motivations were for drinking? Because if you aren't alcoholic/alcohol-dependent, then something non-physiological has gotten you to this point.
Keep us posted.
party-spock.jpg
I don't go to a vegan restaurant and ask them how to moderate my red meat intake after three months abstaining. That strikes me as highly illogical, but its akin to what you're up to here.
(Spock would be proud...please note my attached image.)
At any rate, I've seen people moderate effectively in the past after being problem drinkers. However, I don't particularly think they were alcoholic/alcohol-dependent. More likely, they were faced with too much time and not enough good ideas to fill it. When faced with serious consequences, they were effectively able to change their habits because drinking wasn't the primary focus, overcoming boredom was.
(Wyoming was interesting in college...heh.)
Mili, I'd love to see you be one of those types. Have you given any thought as to what your motivations were for drinking? Because if you aren't alcoholic/alcohol-dependent, then something non-physiological has gotten you to this point.
Keep us posted.
party-spock.jpg
Into the Void
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: California
Posts: 931
I hope you are successful in your quest, MiltarARGH, but like most people here I have not had great success with attempts at moderation. Here is an on-point quote I like from the Roman sage Seneca:
"It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted."
"It is easier to exclude harmful passions than to rule them, and to deny them admittance than to control them after they have been admitted."
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello and welcome:
I can see and understand many of your points but I can assure you that people here are just speaking from experience. As it was said before. Take what you like and leave what you don't.
In my opinion and experience, I could moderate for a while, but eventually I would have that mortifying or dangerous or stupid episode after which I would say and swear that I would slow down and control myself. My life started to be punctuated by these drunken instances and I got sick of it. I could probably moderate sometimes but eventually I will over drink and I am just NOT willing to take that gamble. We don't know your story so only YOU can decide and make things happen. I choose not to risk getting drunk and stupid and now I feel that sobriety is sexy. I am always present, accountable and I can be myself without a lubricant. I feel empowered.
I commend you from coming here and I applaud your willingness to spar with others but remember that everyone here wants to help. Hanging out here taught me a lot. Read and post when you need to. There's always support.
I can see and understand many of your points but I can assure you that people here are just speaking from experience. As it was said before. Take what you like and leave what you don't.
In my opinion and experience, I could moderate for a while, but eventually I would have that mortifying or dangerous or stupid episode after which I would say and swear that I would slow down and control myself. My life started to be punctuated by these drunken instances and I got sick of it. I could probably moderate sometimes but eventually I will over drink and I am just NOT willing to take that gamble. We don't know your story so only YOU can decide and make things happen. I choose not to risk getting drunk and stupid and now I feel that sobriety is sexy. I am always present, accountable and I can be myself without a lubricant. I feel empowered.
I commend you from coming here and I applaud your willingness to spar with others but remember that everyone here wants to help. Hanging out here taught me a lot. Read and post when you need to. There's always support.
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