How to deal with drinking buddies
 

He's not only a drinking buddy but also a coke addict and because of this he can become very manipulative. He's just a hot mess and of no help in my recovery I'm sure and I'd probably be bored anyway without doing booze or drugs.
So I ignored his texts in the past weeks, not a very nice thing to do. He just sent me another text asking what my plans are for this evening. How do you guys handle this without being a complete a-hole?

Its not being an A hole to say you don't want drink and drugs to be part of your life and it's hard to be around people who still have it a a priority.

Yeah, not responding is an ******* move. But you gotta think about who you're being an ******* towards. Might be a good idea to just cut that person out of your life, for now.

Yeah I want to cut him out, like I said he's a manipulative junkie and every time he weasles me out of some money. He still owes me but I'm prepared to cut my losses as I'm not going to see that again anyway.

Look up "A Bronx Tale - 20 Bucks" on YouTube.
That's the best answer I can give to you.

ok I just sent him a message that I'm staying in as I'm trying to sober up. Let's see how he's going to try to manipulate this situation.

*Edit: he just answered 'ok'. That was easier than i thought

Be selfish, only do what's good for you.

Maybe just ignoring or not responding won't make your friend go away. I've had a few "old buddies " wanting to talk me back into it- at first.
I tried the brushing off too :( Finally I said -" I don't talk or associate with anyone drinking/drugging any more - period "! Hope that works .
I lost an old friend that way. Sad he didn't want to be my old sober friend , it was his choice ...

Glad that went well. Sometimes a simple honest approach is best.

I've used this before:

'Hey good to hear from Ya! How would you like to get together and go ___(insert non-drinking, non-drugging activity here)____? I'm sober these days so I'm really not up for partying but I value your friendship and would still love to get together'

Good friends you want to have around will respond positively... People who are only interested in you as a party pal will naturally move on.

Either way, you win.

I would end all contact

Had to smile BR. So typical of that projection thing we're all inclined to get wrapped up in. (If I say that, he'll think this, and then he'll do that, and then that's gonna make me feel this way...). My sponsor always says "Stop having conversations with people who aren't in the room!" Those conversations always end up high-drama in our heads, and are completely anxiety-making. Thank goodness we're so rarely right about out predictions of doom.

Sigh. I knew it couldn't be this easy, he just sent me another message today asking if I wanted to go out this evening... That's it, I think I'm gonna go back to ignoring him if this guy doesn't understand English (Well, it's actually Dutch but you get the picture) even if that goes a bit against my morals. I also don't want to go into my personal struggles and problems cause I just don't trust him like that and it's actually none of his business. If it wasn't that I've known him since I was 14 he'd be long gone, knucklehead.

Bunnyrabbit , I'm not proud to say this , but I have a first cousin we grew up together , partied , cried , was there for each other . We knew each other almost like sisters . She lives walking distance from me .
When I quit she knew it was for health reasons from alcohol . It didn't matter to her , she just kept coming or calling . She wouldn't listen to any thing. All she cared about was getting me to drink again with her .
It tore me up inside . I had to lay it on the line Flat out say . Do not come over or call me any more .
She's still drinking 2 years later - as you say A Hot Mess :( Why I'm telling you this is , I knew deep in my heart if I hadn't . She would of drug me back down with her . It sounds like your friend wants that same ?

I'd wager that if someone is a drinking/drugging buddy, they may have a problem. Maybe not. But if there is a chance they do, then eventually, they will get it, if they ever get sober, and maybe even if they don't. I'd ignore them, or blow them off by saying "sorry, I'm busy." over and over again until they stop calling. If your interactions are solely based in partying, then they will almost completely likely not change. Remember they too have an AV and that AV will be the one talking if they ask you to go out after you tell them you are getting sober. Tough love.

To summarize... what sober wolf said. Eliminate all contact.

I can see how he might not have understood that this was long-term sober up. If he's used to you being out on the booze with him he probably just thought you'd already had a skin-full.

He isn't persecuting you. He just doesn't get it. Block his number if you need to, but there's nothing to get in a spin about. Early recovery is hard enough without looking for problems that aren't there. Give yourself a break :)