What are you doing now vs. what were you doing pre-sober
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
What are you doing now vs. what were you doing pre-sober
MountainMan started a thread like this months or years ago. I liked it and it seemed to be really popular. I'm not sure of protocol, whether I should try and revive that thread or just post a new one. I think a lot of people enjoyed ruminating over their differences of their past and present selves. I think it also spoke much to the collective effort to reaffirm our sobriety, etc., and perhaps helped those who were on the fence.
Anyway, I'll go first.
Tonight, I finished the dishes, made some coffee (I can finally handle it; in my early days, it set off the shakes and anxiety big time. I'm still early, btw.). I'm fully awake and plan to post on here and then do some other work related to work, etc.
2 months ago at this time, I would have been trying to maintain that elusive buzz. Well, in reality, I would have been staving off withdrawals by playing games. Buying only a half pint, but returning for more, being scared to death, I'd have to go overnight without a couple nips in the reserve for when I woke up with tachycardia or ready to go out of my mind. Those were the non-fun days. All about maintenance. Before that, I might have been drunk and feeling sort of numb at this time. Inevitably, I'd be about to blow off a mad number of tasks, just because I didn't want to deal with logging on to the computer. I would mostly be fixating on FB, sometimes arguing with others, sometimes posting TMI, etc. I would have had a few naps already and would have stayed up til 1 engaging myself in b.s. until I finally fell into a fitful sleep that would last a few hours before I needed to drink. I remember waiting for the cover of darkness so I could sleep without family members getting on my a$$ for sleeping off and on. And then, suddenly the birds would be chirping. I'd have a massive headache and was hating facing the day, especially if I had to stay sober to drive anywhere. On weekends, I could head down to the bottle shop. I was not living, and I don't say that to be dramatic.
I really don't miss a thing about those days.
Anyway, I'll go first.
Tonight, I finished the dishes, made some coffee (I can finally handle it; in my early days, it set off the shakes and anxiety big time. I'm still early, btw.). I'm fully awake and plan to post on here and then do some other work related to work, etc.
2 months ago at this time, I would have been trying to maintain that elusive buzz. Well, in reality, I would have been staving off withdrawals by playing games. Buying only a half pint, but returning for more, being scared to death, I'd have to go overnight without a couple nips in the reserve for when I woke up with tachycardia or ready to go out of my mind. Those were the non-fun days. All about maintenance. Before that, I might have been drunk and feeling sort of numb at this time. Inevitably, I'd be about to blow off a mad number of tasks, just because I didn't want to deal with logging on to the computer. I would mostly be fixating on FB, sometimes arguing with others, sometimes posting TMI, etc. I would have had a few naps already and would have stayed up til 1 engaging myself in b.s. until I finally fell into a fitful sleep that would last a few hours before I needed to drink. I remember waiting for the cover of darkness so I could sleep without family members getting on my a$$ for sleeping off and on. And then, suddenly the birds would be chirping. I'd have a massive headache and was hating facing the day, especially if I had to stay sober to drive anywhere. On weekends, I could head down to the bottle shop. I was not living, and I don't say that to be dramatic.
I really don't miss a thing about those days.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: canada
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I was up this morning at 5:30am and spent an hour relaxing on the couch with a coffee before heading off for a 7:30 fellowship hour and breakfast with some friends. Then it was off to the office right into an emergency meeting for a team that's rebelled against a new manager and then on to dealing with a project that's gone off the rails, all the while finishing analysis on a payroll budget for 200+ employees for an executive presentation early next week. I stayed late and got home about half an hour ago where I'm now back to relaxing on the couch while waiting for a beef stew to come out of the oven. I'll enjoy supper and then have a nice evening catching up on some recorded TV shows or reading the current selection for my book club.
9 months ago the alcohol from the night before would have worn off about 2am when the restless, sweaty sleep would have started. I would have awakened every 45 minutes to look at the clock in dread at the quickly approaching hungover day ahead. 20 minutes before I had to leave for work I would have dragged myself into the shower already feeling the tired, heavy feeling around my eyes.
By the time I'd have made the 20 minute walk to work I'd be sweaty with a nauseous, rolling stomach. I'd try to ward off the coming mid-morning crash by downing a couple of cups of coffee. I'd never be in the position of responsibility I am today to have to be in an emergency meeting or leading a project, but those things would have put me into a panic and waves of anxiety as I would have tried to stutter through the situation with a foggy mind incapable of making decisions.
By 2pm in the afternoon I'd feel like death and want to curl up and fall asleep. It'd be an endurance test until 4:30pm. As much as I wouldn't want to I'd veer into the liquor store on the way home and buy a 200ml to 350ml bottle of Absolut vodka. I'd put it in my pants pocket and then duck into an alley on the way home to take a couple of big gulps.
The buzz would have just started when I got home and in the next hour or two I'd down the rest of the vodka, sneaking into the bathroom to drink so no one else would know what was going on. The evening would be spent trying to pretend I wasn't drunk while sitting parked in front of the computer watching YouTube videos or listening to music while I felt deep emotions and dreamed impossible dreams. If I was particularly inspired I might feel really courageous and post "profound" status updates on FB which in the morning would turn out to be embarrassing, passive aggressive commentary.
By 9pm or 10pm I'd be ready to pass out in bed where I'd do drunk sleep until about 2am when the whole cycle would start over again.
9 months ago the alcohol from the night before would have worn off about 2am when the restless, sweaty sleep would have started. I would have awakened every 45 minutes to look at the clock in dread at the quickly approaching hungover day ahead. 20 minutes before I had to leave for work I would have dragged myself into the shower already feeling the tired, heavy feeling around my eyes.
By the time I'd have made the 20 minute walk to work I'd be sweaty with a nauseous, rolling stomach. I'd try to ward off the coming mid-morning crash by downing a couple of cups of coffee. I'd never be in the position of responsibility I am today to have to be in an emergency meeting or leading a project, but those things would have put me into a panic and waves of anxiety as I would have tried to stutter through the situation with a foggy mind incapable of making decisions.
By 2pm in the afternoon I'd feel like death and want to curl up and fall asleep. It'd be an endurance test until 4:30pm. As much as I wouldn't want to I'd veer into the liquor store on the way home and buy a 200ml to 350ml bottle of Absolut vodka. I'd put it in my pants pocket and then duck into an alley on the way home to take a couple of big gulps.
The buzz would have just started when I got home and in the next hour or two I'd down the rest of the vodka, sneaking into the bathroom to drink so no one else would know what was going on. The evening would be spent trying to pretend I wasn't drunk while sitting parked in front of the computer watching YouTube videos or listening to music while I felt deep emotions and dreamed impossible dreams. If I was particularly inspired I might feel really courageous and post "profound" status updates on FB which in the morning would turn out to be embarrassing, passive aggressive commentary.
By 9pm or 10pm I'd be ready to pass out in bed where I'd do drunk sleep until about 2am when the whole cycle would start over again.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
Originally Posted by Lance40 
I was up this morning at 5:30am and spent an hour relaxing on the couch with a coffee before heading off for a 7:30 fellowship hour and breakfast with some friends. Then it was off to the office right into an emergency meeting for a team that's rebelled against a new manager and then on to dealing with a project that's gone off the rails, all the while finishing analysis on a payroll budget for 200+ employees for an executive presentation early next week. I stayed late and got home about half an hour ago where I'm now back to relaxing on the couch while waiting for a beef stew to come out of the oven. I'll enjoy supper and then have a nice evening catching up on some recorded TV shows or reading the current selection for my book club.
9 months ago the alcohol from the night before would have worn off about 2am when the restless, sweaty sleep would have started. I would have awakened every 45 minutes to look at the clock in dread at the quickly approaching hungover day ahead. 20 minutes before I had to leave for work I would have dragged myself into the shower already feeling the tired, heavy feeling around my eyes.
By the time I'd have made the 20 minute walk to work I'd be sweaty with a nauseous, rolling stomach. I'd try to ward off the coming mid-morning crash by downing a couple of cups of coffee. I'd never be in the position of responsibility I am today to have to be in an emergency meeting or leading a project, but those things would have put me into a panic and waves of anxiety as I would have tried to stutter through the situation with a foggy mind incapable of making decisions.
By 2pm in the afternoon I'd feel like death and want to curl up and fall asleep. It'd be an endurance test until 4:30pm. As much as I wouldn't want to I'd veer into the liquor store on the way home and buy a 200ml to 350ml bottle of Absolut vodka. I'd put it in my pants pocket and then duck into an alley on the way home to take a couple of big gulps.
The buzz would have just started when I got home and in the next hour or two I'd down the rest of the vodka, sneaking into the bathroom to drink so no one else would know what was going on. The evening would be spent trying to pretend I wasn't drunk while sitting parked in front of the computer watching YouTube videos or listening to music while I felt deep emotions and dreamed impossible dreams. If I was particularly inspired I might feel really courageous and post "profound" status updates on FB which in the morning would turn out to be embarrassing, passive aggressive commentary.
By 9pm or 10pm I'd be ready to pass out in bed where I'd do drunk sleep until about 2am when the whole cycle would start over again.
9 months ago the alcohol from the night before would have worn off about 2am when the restless, sweaty sleep would have started. I would have awakened every 45 minutes to look at the clock in dread at the quickly approaching hungover day ahead. 20 minutes before I had to leave for work I would have dragged myself into the shower already feeling the tired, heavy feeling around my eyes.
By the time I'd have made the 20 minute walk to work I'd be sweaty with a nauseous, rolling stomach. I'd try to ward off the coming mid-morning crash by downing a couple of cups of coffee. I'd never be in the position of responsibility I am today to have to be in an emergency meeting or leading a project, but those things would have put me into a panic and waves of anxiety as I would have tried to stutter through the situation with a foggy mind incapable of making decisions.
By 2pm in the afternoon I'd feel like death and want to curl up and fall asleep. It'd be an endurance test until 4:30pm. As much as I wouldn't want to I'd veer into the liquor store on the way home and buy a 200ml to 350ml bottle of Absolut vodka. I'd put it in my pants pocket and then duck into an alley on the way home to take a couple of big gulps.
The buzz would have just started when I got home and in the next hour or two I'd down the rest of the vodka, sneaking into the bathroom to drink so no one else would know what was going on. The evening would be spent trying to pretend I wasn't drunk while sitting parked in front of the computer watching YouTube videos or listening to music while I felt deep emotions and dreamed impossible dreams. If I was particularly inspired I might feel really courageous and post "profound" status updates on FB which in the morning would turn out to be embarrassing, passive aggressive commentary.
By 9pm or 10pm I'd be ready to pass out in bed where I'd do drunk sleep until about 2am when the whole cycle would start over again.
I would do the same. I would listen to songs again and again or watch the same youtube again and again. I would also slither away to drink out of my hiding spot. And I would also write "profoundly" [stupid] statuses on FB. Or, mean ones. Then, I would have to leave them up because it would be an immediate confession (the next morning) that I was drunk booking.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
I always hated vacations because it meant I didn't have several floors on which to hide my supply. We vacation to hot places in the winter and being contained in one suite isn't a great thing for a closet drinker. I was pathetic. People got suspicious and started checking my things. No one would dare check in front of me, but it would be obvious if I kept my purse right next to me.
At one point, I bought a pint, stuck it in the bathroom garbage of the hotel, took people swimming near that bathroom where my stash was. I kept needing to use the bathroom while they swam. How pathetic is that? Hiding your stuff in a public trash can to access it.
I haven't been on vacation this year, but it will be a relief to go without worrying about the supply issues. I really used to think while on vacation that when I got back, I'd google to see what sort of contraceptions existed that would allow me to hide things. I even wished there was a secret iv line that could run straight to my veins. Ugh. What a mess. I dreamt of seat cushions that contained a pint or purses that looked like purses but were thermoses. Seriously. These things would occupy my thoughts.
At one point, I bought a pint, stuck it in the bathroom garbage of the hotel, took people swimming near that bathroom where my stash was. I kept needing to use the bathroom while they swam. How pathetic is that? Hiding your stuff in a public trash can to access it.
I haven't been on vacation this year, but it will be a relief to go without worrying about the supply issues. I really used to think while on vacation that when I got back, I'd google to see what sort of contraceptions existed that would allow me to hide things. I even wished there was a secret iv line that could run straight to my veins. Ugh. What a mess. I dreamt of seat cushions that contained a pint or purses that looked like purses but were thermoses. Seriously. These things would occupy my thoughts.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by Lance40
9 months ago the alcohol from the night before would have worn off about 2am when the restless, sweaty sleep would have started. I would have awakened every 45 minutes to look at the clock in dread at the quickly approaching hungover day ahead. 20 minutes before I had to leave for work I would have dragged myself into the shower already feeling the tired, heavy feeling around my eyes.
By the time I'd have made the 20 minute walk to work I'd be sweaty with a nauseous, rolling stomach. I'd try to ward off the coming mid-morning crash by downing a couple of cups of coffee. I'd never be in the position of responsibility I am today to have to be in an emergency meeting or leading a project, but those things would have put me into a panic and waves of anxiety as I would have tried to stutter through the situation with a foggy mind incapable of making decisions.
By 2pm in the afternoon I'd feel like death and want to curl up and fall asleep. It'd be an endurance test until 4:30pm. As much as I wouldn't want to I'd veer into the liquor store on the way home and buy a 200ml to 350ml bottle of Absolut vodka. I'd put it in my pants pocket and then duck into an alley on the way home to take a couple of big gulps.
The buzz would have just started when I got home and in the next hour or two I'd down the rest of the vodka, sneaking into the bathroom to drink so no one else would know what was going on. The evening would be spent trying to pretend I wasn't drunk while sitting parked in front of the computer watching YouTube videos or listening to music while I felt deep emotions and dreamed impossible dreams. If I was particularly inspired I might feel really courageous and post "profound" status updates on FB which in the morning would turn out to be embarrassing, passive aggressive commentary.
By 9pm or 10pm I'd be ready to pass out in bed where I'd do drunk sleep until about 2am when the whole cycle would start over again.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 654
Well I am here not doing an awful lot at all so that's the same. The big differences are. I still have the same amount of money I did last night. I am not hung over. I am not deleting messages I can't bear to read nor am I sad over doing something stupid last night. I am early in and have not really started moving forward yet but at least I am no longer going backward.
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: usa
Posts: 274
I woke up well rested and took my chikdren back to school shopping without shaking and sweating like crazy. before I was sober I would have slept most of the day away and would be sipping my wine right now. oh who am I kidding I would be downing my wine until I could not keep my eyes open.
Now I wake up happy in the morning and am ready for whatever life throws at me. 
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
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By this time I would have spent some of the three thousand dollars I have saved up to this point since I stopped drinking and be well into a 12 pack with some wine liberally thrown in. I'd be firmly strapped into the straight jacket that kept me from clear thinking, true emotions, motivation, inspiration, a a truly liberating and fulfilling life. I'd be scratching the surface of life and stoking the fire of resentment and fear and discontent.
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