New, lost, nowhere to turn
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4
New, lost, nowhere to turn
Hi
I can't believe I'm here, writing this. But I'm sure everyone felt that way to begin with.
It's my mother that's the alcoholic, not me. I'm a married woman with a child yet it still affects me so deeply.
I was 8 when I first found alcohol in her handbag. I was told it was something for panic attacks. Was obviously later that I realised this was wrong.
She won't admit she has a problem. She's admitted to drinking to cope but apparently that's not an addiction. I've read her medical notes and she's admitted to her GP she spends some days drinking from 11am until my dad gets home. She's even been arrested for drink driving.
But every time I say she's been drinking I get called all sorts and accused of having marital problems and taking it out on her! I have no marital problems!
My grandfather (her father) was an alcoholic and it also killed her mother.
She has serious heart condition that is worsening. Alcohol and her medication combined is dangerous.
But she says she doesn't have a problem, just needs a drink sometimes to help!
25 years on I can't handle this!
I just don't know how to carry on with this. I've told my dad I need to cut her out of my life. But I don't want to! But what can I do??
I can't believe I'm here, writing this. But I'm sure everyone felt that way to begin with.
It's my mother that's the alcoholic, not me. I'm a married woman with a child yet it still affects me so deeply.
I was 8 when I first found alcohol in her handbag. I was told it was something for panic attacks. Was obviously later that I realised this was wrong.
She won't admit she has a problem. She's admitted to drinking to cope but apparently that's not an addiction. I've read her medical notes and she's admitted to her GP she spends some days drinking from 11am until my dad gets home. She's even been arrested for drink driving.
But every time I say she's been drinking I get called all sorts and accused of having marital problems and taking it out on her! I have no marital problems!
My grandfather (her father) was an alcoholic and it also killed her mother.
She has serious heart condition that is worsening. Alcohol and her medication combined is dangerous.
But she says she doesn't have a problem, just needs a drink sometimes to help!
25 years on I can't handle this!
I just don't know how to carry on with this. I've told my dad I need to cut her out of my life. But I don't want to! But what can I do??
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I'm sorry for your situation.
If your mother does not want to stop drinking and change her life, there is little that you can do. Stepping back, at least for awhile, will give you a chance to find some peace in your life. It's a hard thing to do, but ultimately she is the one who will have to decide to stop drinking.
If your mother does not want to stop drinking and change her life, there is little that you can do. Stepping back, at least for awhile, will give you a chance to find some peace in your life. It's a hard thing to do, but ultimately she is the one who will have to decide to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi Jane -
Welcome to SR. Alcoholism is such a maddening disease on so many levels.
You can't do this for her, unfortunately. She will need to want to get sober more than she wants to drink.
We are here if/when you need to share and vent. I encourage you to follow your instinct to put up some boundaries, including cutting off communication if you feel like that is best for you.
Welcome to SR. Alcoholism is such a maddening disease on so many levels.
You can't do this for her, unfortunately. She will need to want to get sober more than she wants to drink.
We are here if/when you need to share and vent. I encourage you to follow your instinct to put up some boundaries, including cutting off communication if you feel like that is best for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 4
It's so very hard as she is a completely functional alcoholic.
We are/were very close. We spoke ten times a day! I had to go to the ER today as thought I'd broken my ankle but she didn't offer to drive me and it never crossed my mind to call her after to tell her its just a bad sprain.
I'm trying to get myself sorted mentally. In the past 5 1/2yrs i
I've miscarried at 6 weeks, 12 weeks which required being admitted to hospital, my healthy happy boy was born, and my other son died in labour at 8days overdue. I just don't have the strength to carry anyone. I'm coming off my antidepressants, I've started jogging and cycling (im a big girl so this is a huge deal for me), my son just started school, I've got interviews for new jobs, and I've started up 2 businesses from home! Plus we moved into our home in march which needed completely stripped bare and started again. Husbands job moved to a different area. Etc etc etc. I am only just holding it together!
Sorry for the rant. Good to start letting it go.
We are/were very close. We spoke ten times a day! I had to go to the ER today as thought I'd broken my ankle but she didn't offer to drive me and it never crossed my mind to call her after to tell her its just a bad sprain.
I'm trying to get myself sorted mentally. In the past 5 1/2yrs i
I've miscarried at 6 weeks, 12 weeks which required being admitted to hospital, my healthy happy boy was born, and my other son died in labour at 8days overdue. I just don't have the strength to carry anyone. I'm coming off my antidepressants, I've started jogging and cycling (im a big girl so this is a huge deal for me), my son just started school, I've got interviews for new jobs, and I've started up 2 businesses from home! Plus we moved into our home in march which needed completely stripped bare and started again. Husbands job moved to a different area. Etc etc etc. I am only just holding it together!
Sorry for the rant. Good to start letting it go.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Hi Jane and welcome. There is a ton of support within this great community.
I hope you mom finds the will to quit, but as the others have said you can't do it for her. You can only control you.
Welcome to SR.
I hope you mom finds the will to quit, but as the others have said you can't do it for her. You can only control you.
Welcome to SR.
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