Gjess

The guilt , embarrassment, self hate , all of this ? How to learn not to live in a past anymore? Please tell me it's getting better with time when you don't bash yourself for what you've done and how it affected other people

Surrender2win

Yes, it does get better with time. Just take it one day at a time, stay sober, and don't beat yourself up over past mistakes. You will feel better soon. I feel so much better now than I did 3 months ago. Sometimes the guilt and self-hatred creeps back in for a minute, but then I think of everything positive in my life now that I'm sober. Have faith in yourself and don't give up.

zjw

if you focus on the past your forced to conitunally relive it. if yuo focus on the future your forced to continually live that. all the while your missing out on this present moment cause your busy stuck in the past or in the future.

I played the game where i'd worry about a future situation and essentially relive it over and over and over again missig out on everything that was happening NOW. then the future comes and it never even happens!

or with the past its over it sdone with its in the past nothing you can do now.

staying present helps me the most.

DitzyDandelion

I struggle with this too.

ScottFromWI

It gets better if you take the time and effort to make it happen, definitely. Time itself does heal some of the wounds, but you have to make a conscious effort to change for the better.

notgonnastoptry

stay mindful. I learned in IOP that this is best.

I guess I didn't do anything really horrible. I was high-functioning no one at work caught on. I did raise hell in the family. Certain members aren't willing to forgive and some younger ones are using it against me. Instead of seeing recovery as a good thing, they see what preceded it as demon-ish and have said very hurtful things (they are minors). I always ruined a few couples' relationships, at least one. I did make a minor fool of myself from time to time, but nothing outlandish. no big brawls, no duis, but still, I feel ashamed. I wonder if people notice I sipped at their home bars. that happened twice, but more than once is enough. Embarrassing. I cringe to think of the time I wasted, but it's best to move on.

biminiblue

In the early days of sobriety it was all I could do to wrestle my brain into serenity. I actually made "serenity" my goal in early days. I was exhausted by fear and worry by the time I quit drinking.

I had the great fortune of fully understanding that there was no changing the past. It is over and done. If I can fix some things, I do that - but for the most part I stay in the moment. I had a lot of things for which I needed forgiveness, and I had to give that gift to myself, sometimes a hundred times a day.

The obsessions went away in time. Forgive yourself and others, move ahead.

((hug))

Bird615

It doesn't hurt to remember where I came from, only in that it helps to keep me from going back there. I do what I need to do today to ensure that.

But to sit and dwell in it and beat myself up serves no useful purpose at all. What can I do today to have the best life possible? Doing those things has made my life better and made me a better person. I don't hate myself so much anymore.

PurpleDan

It went away for me, but only after I'd worked all of the 12 steps.

I'd suggest you go and read the 8th Step promises, as they're most appropiate for what you're feeling. Starting on page 12, 'if we are painstaking...' through to '...if we work for them':


Big Book Chapter 6
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_bigbook_chapt6.pdf

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

Gjess

Thank you

Soberwolf

Gjess

SoberLeigh

Beautiful and wise, bim.

SoberLeigh

Heal, resolve, and make amends for, what you can, Gjess, and then move on.

Make each and every day a day for which you can be proud; those days will build and, soon enough, become a past for which you can be proud.

firstymer

Gjess, not only does it get better, but for me it is one of the main reasons that I am able to STAY sober. The longer I am sober, the more I am able to break free from the past, and the guilt and shame that I felt on Day 1.

I like myself now. And I have mostly forgiven myself for the shameful things that I did when I was drinking. If I were to go back to the bottle, I would be right back where I started, with the shame. And the guilt. And the self-loathing. And I would add a new topping of failure to go with it. No thanks.

Trust me. Slowly but surely, you will begin to look forward into the future, instead of backwards into the past.

Gjess

That's exactly what I needed to hear , thank you everyone and I trust what you all saying