TRD2014

Just feeling like I need to confront someone in my home group AA meeting and would appreciate some other opinions Before I do, or maybe do not.... I guess I'm on the fence. I met the guy 8 months ago when I went to my first aa meeting and took a liking to him from the first day. He seemed very intelligent, helpful, caring and serious about sobriety. We exchanged numbers after the meeting and I don't think a day has gone by in that 8 or more months that we have not talked. He sponsors many people in our small town, and is highly revered and respected. In the past couple weeks I've learned some things that trouble me and I'm not sure if it should or not, so this is where I need your guys and gals opinions or thoughts. This guy is a recovering alcoholic and heroin addict and has been "sober" over 20 years. So my trouble is he is also a medical marijauna card holder and is constantly high. He eats pot brownies every morning at our aa meeting, and continues to stay high all day long. He claims its for pain and he never had any troubles with weed and has never caused the damage alcohol and heroin did in his life. I personally have never had a problem with weed in my life or people that smoke or consume it. I could take it or leave it. I just seem to have a real problem with somebody sharing their experience strength and hope with me when I am completely sober and of a clear mind and they are high as a kite? Am I crazy for feeling this way

Dee74

Hi TRD -welcome

These days I have enough to be doing without bothering with whether other folks are sober or not.

I made a more than a few judgement calls in my first couple of years tho - I look back at that now and I shudder to be honest...I see now drama & intrigue were pretty intoxicating too.

That being said - you're not me and I'm not projecting on you, simply sharing my experience.

If all this bothers you and you think it calls his advice and mentorship into question, then you gotta do what you gotta do.

D

Nonsensical

What do you hope the end result of confronting him would be?

ScottFromWI

Dee has some great advice. His sobriety and his choices are his own. If his lifestyle is not something you agree with and it is not condusive to your sponsor/sponsee relationship, you can simply find a another sponsor. Confronting him about the issue is not going to help anyone.

SereneEdition

Hi TRD -

Are his actions causing you to question your sobriety? How are they impacting you negatively?

If you have trouble taking his advice seriously knowing that he ingests pot, then it is ok to share with him how this affects you (and your relationship), but I would limit it to sharing your experience.

Do remember that if he is living his life in a way that is working for him, he is unlikely to change or respond well to others telling them that he needs to change.

TRD2014

Thanks Dee, I totally feel what you're saying, he has had some great advice and been very helpful to me. I just struggle sometimes knowing that there have been a few times that I have called since getting sober where I was really struggling and all I wanted to do was drink to make it go way.... He was very helpful and as a result I didn't drink. I know my number one priority. Now knowing he's been high the whole time it just seams hypocritical. I could easily make my trouble of the day go away for a while with a bong hit. He works with a lot of people in recovery in our court system as well and I shutter to think the outcome of that scenario if these folks were to learn of this ..... I know I need to worry about myself and it truly is not my problem but getting sober was a white lighting experience for me and one of the gifts I received from that lighting bolt I guess is a true compassion I've never experienced before for the alcoholic and addict

TRD2014

good point! I truly don't know ... I guess confronting the situation would not be of any benefit

sobriiestote

I think I would feel similar to you if I found this out after him being a sponsor to me for some time. I would almost feel betrayed in a way, that he wasn't congruent with who he portrayed himself to be? But if he is being upfront and honest about it now then it's up to you whether you continue to receive his support.

Tricky one...

TRD2014

thanks you are all right on ... Is choices are not mine and I'm going to choose not to let them affect me ... He's a great friend and mentor and I would like to continue to be able to count on him in a crunch than let my ego get in the way

Bird615

An interesting dilemma. Personally, I wouldn't be as bothered if someone was using it medicinally and the main intent wasn't to alter moods. I used to think very differently, but now don't see much difference between that and prescription medication. If someone were on morphine or some other medication, would I be jealous that they get to get high?
And then there's also the approach of focusing more on the message and not so much on the messenger, especially if he is truly helpful.
Maybe if you really felt it necessary you could have an honest, respectful discussion about it rather than a confrontation, just so you could get a better understanding. This situation is bound to become more common with the all the changes to how pot is viewed these days.

Soberwolf

What D said