In pain, need to share.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
In pain, need to share.
Where to start? I've been drinking for nearly 30 years now, pretty much 5-7 days a week. It never destroyed me or even got me into a lot of trouble, but I was constantly aware that life would be much better without drinking. I escaped a couple of potentially serious issues by pure luck.
In my early 30's I became aware that I was using alcohol to numb. I didn't know the language then, I used to call it hiding from life. Probably a more accurate phrase.
Something went "click" in my head in my mid-30's. I stopped smoking cold turkey (we're talking 3-5 packs a day). I don't know what it was. I do know that it was preceded by around 6 months of deep contemplation. I thought why not try the same with drinking? I started deep contemplation on sobriety, which is hard when drinking daily, for 5 months. I then stopped cold turkey! Started working out, dropped a lot of weight, felt good.
Six months later I made the mistake of thinking I could moderate my drinking. I hadn't educated myself enough, and had not read all the info on the inadvisability of that. Things went well for a few months and then the financial collapse of 2008 happened. Went back to numbing.
In 2009 I started back at square 1. Contemplation. Learned that my goal should be abstinence for life. Also learned that I should look at working on managing my emotions in a healthy way. The emotions work was, and still is, very difficult. It is where I am stuck.
Ever since then, about once or twice a year, I would go into contemplation mode. This is a lot of work, requiring reading, writing, reflection. But at some point, inside of me, I feel I am ready and I stop. Every time I do things this way, I stop with little to no craving for 6 - 8 weeks. There were times when I would drink once or twice during the 2 month dry period, but it was easy to get back on track the next day.
But always, at the 6-8 week mark I would crash hard. It recently happened again. Each time it is about facing a larger than usual challenge, something that will always occur though, and not being able to handle the emotional overload.
Well, I'm entering contemplation again. I can already feel it, when I drink at some point I end up saying "enough" and I stop (this is not a fight with the AV, the AV is absent in such a scenario). In a couple of weeks, I will stop. Again. It will be cold turkey. My craving will be non-existent. And then I will hit the 6-8 week mark.
Oh my goodness! I just realised that I am giving myself permission to fail!!! Okay, I'll be breaking THAT pattern down.
Thanks for listening SR. This has been eye opening. Would still love to hear from you guys/gals who might have insight on long term management of emotions. One day at a time works for a while, but there is a cumulative effect that comes back with a vengeance, at least for me.
Once again, thanks for listening and have a great day!
KP
In my early 30's I became aware that I was using alcohol to numb. I didn't know the language then, I used to call it hiding from life. Probably a more accurate phrase.
Something went "click" in my head in my mid-30's. I stopped smoking cold turkey (we're talking 3-5 packs a day). I don't know what it was. I do know that it was preceded by around 6 months of deep contemplation. I thought why not try the same with drinking? I started deep contemplation on sobriety, which is hard when drinking daily, for 5 months. I then stopped cold turkey! Started working out, dropped a lot of weight, felt good.
Six months later I made the mistake of thinking I could moderate my drinking. I hadn't educated myself enough, and had not read all the info on the inadvisability of that. Things went well for a few months and then the financial collapse of 2008 happened. Went back to numbing.
In 2009 I started back at square 1. Contemplation. Learned that my goal should be abstinence for life. Also learned that I should look at working on managing my emotions in a healthy way. The emotions work was, and still is, very difficult. It is where I am stuck.
Ever since then, about once or twice a year, I would go into contemplation mode. This is a lot of work, requiring reading, writing, reflection. But at some point, inside of me, I feel I am ready and I stop. Every time I do things this way, I stop with little to no craving for 6 - 8 weeks. There were times when I would drink once or twice during the 2 month dry period, but it was easy to get back on track the next day.
But always, at the 6-8 week mark I would crash hard. It recently happened again. Each time it is about facing a larger than usual challenge, something that will always occur though, and not being able to handle the emotional overload.
Well, I'm entering contemplation again. I can already feel it, when I drink at some point I end up saying "enough" and I stop (this is not a fight with the AV, the AV is absent in such a scenario). In a couple of weeks, I will stop. Again. It will be cold turkey. My craving will be non-existent. And then I will hit the 6-8 week mark.
Oh my goodness! I just realised that I am giving myself permission to fail!!! Okay, I'll be breaking THAT pattern down.
Thanks for listening SR. This has been eye opening. Would still love to hear from you guys/gals who might have insight on long term management of emotions. One day at a time works for a while, but there is a cumulative effect that comes back with a vengeance, at least for me.
Once again, thanks for listening and have a great day!
KP
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
KeepPushing, good for you for recognizing what happens. If I might also suggest: for many of us having f2f contact such as in AA or similar, can make an enormous difference. The power of groups! In my IOP, we learned that when we have cravings, one of the best actions we can take is to get support from others.
Good luck on your journey!
Good luck on your journey!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 82
"Whenever I'm disturbed, no mater what the cause, the problem is within me. Always."
a) It's the most ridiculous saying I've ever heard.
b) I can see how it may be true in some circumstances, but certainly not all.
c) I'm willing to do what it takes to prove it true in every instance.
d) All of the above.
a) It's the most ridiculous saying I've ever heard.
b) I can see how it may be true in some circumstances, but certainly not all.
c) I'm willing to do what it takes to prove it true in every instance.
d) All of the above.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
KP it seems to me you falter when you're under stress. You may not recognise the AV but it's very much there, waiting for your resolve and motivation to falter, and then for a stress event to come along, and it's work is done.
I agree with others that group support may be the answer here. I notice your mood can carry you through effortlessly to a certain point, so you may never have learned to deal with cravings. I had cravings from the start, so I learned a few tricks about getting through them that I still use today, more than 3 years later.
I suggest you take a measured approach, looking at the long-term. Intense motivation only lasts so long, so you need some strategies to carry you beyond that point. There is a lot of information on this site about dealing with cravings and temptation. I also suggest you look into meditation, for learning to cope with stressful times without the bottle.
I agree with others that group support may be the answer here. I notice your mood can carry you through effortlessly to a certain point, so you may never have learned to deal with cravings. I had cravings from the start, so I learned a few tricks about getting through them that I still use today, more than 3 years later.
I suggest you take a measured approach, looking at the long-term. Intense motivation only lasts so long, so you need some strategies to carry you beyond that point. There is a lot of information on this site about dealing with cravings and temptation. I also suggest you look into meditation, for learning to cope with stressful times without the bottle.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 425
HI KP..... Great & very interesting post!! I know how you feel as I went through the same.. 68 weeks in I would do exactly the same, giving myself permission to drink.. You really have to get that idea out of your head, not easy but can be done...I was lucky, I real shock which made me stop permanently... I've never really craved alcohol when I stopped, for me I believe it became a habit more than anything... I don't even like the taste of alcohol!!! *Dumbfounded!!!!* Welcome to SR, you're in a great place which without it, the road would have been harder...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 387
Originally Posted by FeelingGreat 
I notice your mood can carry you through effortlessly to a certain point, so you may never have learned to deal with cravings. I had cravings from the start, so I learned a few tricks about getting through them that I still use today, more than 3 years later.
KP
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