sg1970

Ex,

All of us that have any sober time have been in your shoes. You are getting the best advice you can get. You really need some local, face to face contact just like you said. Find some. It's out there but don't expect them to come and carry you. You got to put some legwork into this buddy. If you want to try AA or whatever you have to suit up and show up. If you have to weed through the wackos to find a good sponsor then you just have to do it and not throw out excuses like "I don't have time". How much time did you/do you waste drinking? You've got time but you have to do something with it. Just because no one has posted on the thread Dee suggested in awhile doesn't mean you can't read it and learn from it. Just another excuse.

Right now you are in a self pity and excuses mode. That's a miserable place to be. Get busy. And if you don't, if you want to keep drinking, we will be here when/if you come back. This Crap kills people Ex. It's killing you. Get out of the funk and bust your butt to get sober.

Broncosys

Exwell, the best you can do right now is what you are doing, which is recognizing the situation you are in and sounding it out. That means there is cause for hope. You obviously are not open to accepting help today and you are not biting on any of the usual speeches. Even if your plan is to drink today and perhaps for the coming days too, you can still make a plan for when the drinking is done. Too many times when folks hop back into drinking they construct a false hopelessness about their situations because they are currently using. Tell yourself that although you might be drinking today, you might not drink tomorrow. Sometimes that is the best we can do. Even if you plan to drink today and in the coming days, you can still have a plan for quitting. Good luck Exwell.

Fly N Buy

An alcoholic in his cups is an unlovely creature.
Pg 16
Alcoholics Anonymous

I'm glad my friends did not read this book when I was drinking. I am pretty sure they would have ruined my day........

exwell66

well some of the things I said were harsh to dee but that's how I felt at the time...nothing to do with the time these people put into it....I understand but to be harsh and real...don't brush me off and tell me to get some rest...I was offended...btw im over it....no big deal.....this is a mind game im not hooked my body dosnt need it.Talked to my wife about it that was a ****** mess wont do that again and I understand her point of view she remembers tha a hole on the couch.....although I was way depressed with a colostomy bag on and thinking in the moment of I don't care....now I do care and will get myself right thanks to people like dee and all of you was in a foul mood yesterday but that's life

ItWillBeWorthIt

So happy to hear you are going better today Ex. Hopefully, things will start to turn around for you.

exwell66

what I remember is if you want something you never had you have to do something you have never done....something like that anyway that's why im buying property doing things out of the box for me and these thoughts came to me being sober...don't want to loose that focus....not so much the buying whatever but motivation with a clear mind...and it all comes back to not picking up....we all could have been so much more if we didn't have this horrible problem .....its never too late in most cases

Delfin

"Some of the things were harsh to dee but that's how I felt at the time..." Was in a foul mood yesterday but that's life". But the best one here, "I was offended..."

For someone who has very high expectations of others, you have pretty low expectations of your own behavior. Can't even offer a proper apology. SMDH.

All of that aside, your talk about property and work are just blah blah blah because you're not addressing the real issue here. Do you want to get sober or not, and are going you gonna do the work it takes or not? Everything else is just distracting noise.

sg1970

Make sobriety your #1 priority.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Ex, there is a saying like this... "If you change nothing, nothing will change." and that is SO true for alcoholics.

Like many alcoholics, I have had to change numerous things in my life to move forward to have a better life without alcohol, but taking the time and doing the work to make changes have been a great learning experience and the results are fabulous. I really do enjoy living in a sober World SO much better than living in an active alcoholic World.

You indicate you are going to buy property, are you planning on moving Ex?

Have you thought about seeing an additions psychiatrist? I have really enjoyed mine being a part of my recovery plan, because I had/have some mental challenges without alcohol and I enjoy the one-on-one contact. Just wanted to throw out my experience, that's all.

Hope all is well this Thursday morning... don't drink, just for today!

Soberwolf

Ex what are you going to do to tackle your alcoholism

exwell66

I keep on telling myself I will take this drug and then I cant drink and go back to being sober.That time I was so proud of my self and nothing else really mattered.When in rehab everything is so clear I look at it like a bad night out you feel awful did some stupid stuff but if your not insane your mind puts that away,the same with recovery im doing great and well all the good things you learned get glossed over and you go back to the same old routine.I am not a mess yet but need to change or bad things will happen.As far as me I have a very interesting life ...friends etc...cant go into that here...the bottom line is I miss being sober and holding my head high.....To pass off money and things like that is well a non issue...I have gotten out of options trading because I thought it was more stress than I might need...done....the root of the problem is me not my surroundings family and so on its me.....going on a tangent here but yes I want to be sober to make myself whole again and everything associated with my life......thanks for all the support I can be a bit of an ******* from time to time just ask my better half

INgal

Ex well, take the Antabuse and put some time between you and the alcohol. It might clear your head and set you on the road to real recovery.

exwell66

yes gal that is the plan just have to do it sounds simple have all the tools at my disposal....my work is getting more demanding and that aside im one step away from not covering my trail,,,and in my case I have no fudge room....talking about my family trust.....that's where the shame really is...lying to them right to there face I am so good at it,sad to say...People reading this might say really get your stuff together and move on but its not that easy as we all know.........hope to post here soon im back in the good graces of not drinking at all...the thinking you can have a bit here and there is a joke......and I am here to tell you don't try it.....I hope I get back on

Berrybean

Hi Exwell - honestly, it def ISN'T as easy as that. While you were in rehab. As well as learning lots of new things about recovery,there is constant support and removal from everyday stresses, (and also opportunities, temptations and triggers). Coming back to real life, and real family is going to be a different ball game. Even our much loved friends and families are a source of stress in a way, because of that guilt and shame about letting them down in the past (and fear of doing the same in the future).

Could you have a new look at the support network that you have outside rehab? There are lots of different setups available. Esp 12-step groups. That reinforces the learning; gives to a chance to be open about your fears and remorse in an environment where to do so won't cause anyone undue stress. There is no need to go through this alone.

PS I too have an abundance of friends. Trouble is, they are either normies or (I suspect) alcoholics themselves. With the best wills in the world, they are not the people to support me in this. I need people who understand, have been there, and can show me the way out.

exwell66

becc well said on everything.I am well aware that god my friend my dog or goldfish isn't going to change my end result although it might help me in a moment .The end game is in our will to be strong and want it and by no means am I saying it can be done without help for people in our condition.The reason I like it here is people have walked the walk and they aren't here because the court told them they have to log in.As far as friends I isolated myself moved to a kind of if you want to see me you need to try kind of thing........still have good friends most comm is thru facebook and they all know my situation and are supportive.I have a crazy 3 weeks coming up all good stuff bunch of traveling where I cant drink...looking forward to it

Berrybean

I think we differ on that one Exwell. I stopped relying on my self will. Yes, it is strong, but it's not a reliable force and is as likely to drag me off the track as keep me on it. My alcoholic voice always lurks around in my wilfulness, as my alcoholism is as much a part of me as my desire to be sober is. And when they say 'cunning and baffling' they have described by alcoholic voice down to a tee. It is so sneaky.
Anyway - for me acceptance and trust has been the key rather than my own will. Frankly I relied on my will to get me what I wanted for 42 years. And yes, it got me what I wanted. Thing is, what I wanted made me miserable and deluded.

Have a fun three weeks Exwell - but be on your guard. Crazy, good, fun times can often involve slippery places and slippery people that we haven't been able to predict and develop a strategy for.
Will you still be able to log in and use the SR forum?

Soberwolf

Hi Exwell

exwell66

just lost a friend to herion.I knew hom for aprox 30 years not a good friend but from the same group.In the past month or so he has helped me with my situation connected thru fb.He said he had his thing licked and for about 5 years and was helping me ,calling me every day good guy.We had great talks lots of laughs but he would call me just to ask how I was doing and I was honest and told him the truth good or bad.Long story but he called me sat and he was drunk not like him.....told him to relax and take a break.......got the news this morning he is dead.50.What kills me is he tried to help me and I couldn't help him...im just venting but it hit home ...his last message to me is need help but I didn't see it in time....so life is fragile and just needed to tell it like it is he made me think and im back on my meds

ScottFromWI

Sorry to hear about your friend, it's certainly a sad reminder that drugs/alcohol can and will take everything from us if we let it. Glad to hear you are back on your meds too.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss ex.
Don't start thinking it's your fault, because it's not.

We are all human beings, not gods, and we all have to accept those limits

I'm glad you're back on your meds.

D