Fear of my own thoughts
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Fear of my own thoughts
Guilt and shame are the preservers of time.
They create in me fear. Fear that my mind will retaliate against me. Fear that my hope will abandon me. And so my addiction remains. The future ensured by the past.
It gives my addictive voice a false sense of superiority by believing that I cannot escape the fear of my own thoughts.
But I can. And I must. I am.
This concept is not mine. It is something that is not unique to me. It is the very basis of how this addiction I have come to understand, understands me in return. And I buy into this concept. I feed the fear that drives the drinking.
Fear of being alone and lonely.
Fear of not being loved.
Fear of never having what I need to survive.
For many there is a list. I don't have many of these I list below but maybe you do. Really all it takes is one. Just one to create the imbalance in my own thought process...
Fear I will lose my job.
Fear I won't have enough money.
Fear my friends will abandon me.
Fear people will think I am stupid.
Fear of being judged wrongly.
Fear of being accused of something I did not do.
Fear that I will one day hurt someone.
What is your fear? What thought do you hold on to everyday that serves no purpose but to drag the past with you everywhere you go?
Oh boy... I can answer this one!!! "You worthless piece of ****!!!" Key word worthless.
As I catch every moment that I apply this fear to my daily, small and seemingly insignificant choices the greater the fear of my own thoughts feels by comparison to the joy I feel in just everyday life.
Do not believe in the power of what does not exist. Those fears cannot live outside me. It cannot stand on its own. But I can. And I can walk away from it. Drinking and drugging are fear based. They can only survive in a world I create and only if that world is full of fear.
I refuse to fear my thoughts any longer. Instead I choose to fill my heart with joy.
I can. I must. I am.
Ken
They create in me fear. Fear that my mind will retaliate against me. Fear that my hope will abandon me. And so my addiction remains. The future ensured by the past.
It gives my addictive voice a false sense of superiority by believing that I cannot escape the fear of my own thoughts.
But I can. And I must. I am.
This concept is not mine. It is something that is not unique to me. It is the very basis of how this addiction I have come to understand, understands me in return. And I buy into this concept. I feed the fear that drives the drinking.
Fear of being alone and lonely.
Fear of not being loved.
Fear of never having what I need to survive.
For many there is a list. I don't have many of these I list below but maybe you do. Really all it takes is one. Just one to create the imbalance in my own thought process...
Fear I will lose my job.
Fear I won't have enough money.
Fear my friends will abandon me.
Fear people will think I am stupid.
Fear of being judged wrongly.
Fear of being accused of something I did not do.
Fear that I will one day hurt someone.
What is your fear? What thought do you hold on to everyday that serves no purpose but to drag the past with you everywhere you go?
Oh boy... I can answer this one!!! "You worthless piece of ****!!!" Key word worthless.
As I catch every moment that I apply this fear to my daily, small and seemingly insignificant choices the greater the fear of my own thoughts feels by comparison to the joy I feel in just everyday life.
Do not believe in the power of what does not exist. Those fears cannot live outside me. It cannot stand on its own. But I can. And I can walk away from it. Drinking and drugging are fear based. They can only survive in a world I create and only if that world is full of fear.
I refuse to fear my thoughts any longer. Instead I choose to fill my heart with joy.
I can. I must. I am.
Ken
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
It was a few months into my recovery when I realised I trusted my judgement again...and from then on, those ungrounded fear-based thoughts lost a lot of their power and grew weaker and weaker....
thanks again for a thought provoking post Ken
D
thanks again for a thought provoking post Ken
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Great post! It took awhile before my response to those fears stopped being eff it, I'll just drink. Now I look at them a bit more rationally.
What if I lose my job? I'll get another job, a better job.
What if I don't have enough money? I'll make do with less, I'll get by.
What if I lose my job? I'll get another job, a better job.
What if I don't have enough money? I'll make do with less, I'll get by.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 57
This resonated with me. Fear has always been my biggest impetus for drinking. Almost every drink I have taken in the past few years has been initiated with an overwhelming sense of dread and thought that: "if I have a drink, I won't be afraid anymore." For me, alcohol magnified those fears and persuaded me that I was not strong enough to deal with them. It was like someone crushing your feet and then offering to carry you. Pretty messed up stuff right there
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks. As I was am working on things in my personal therapy I realize that this applies to so many facets of my life. Not just my addictions. But I focused on that aspect for a posting here.
In recognizing how I use these thoughts to keep me where I need not be. I am much freer than I ever imagined. We all are I believe.
In recognizing how I use these thoughts to keep me where I need not be. I am much freer than I ever imagined. We all are I believe.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
Fear I will lose my job - I've lost several, but always recovered
Fear I won't have enough money - Been broke as hell and back
Fear my friends will abandon me - Some have left my life, but others came in
Fear people will think I am stupid - Can't help what others think
Fear of being judged wrongly - Been there. Not fun.
Fear of being accused of something I did not do - Yep. Happened
Fear that I will one day hurt someone - I've definitely hurt people (not on purpose tho)
Once you survive all these fears they lose their power. Thanks Ken.
Fear I won't have enough money - Been broke as hell and back
Fear my friends will abandon me - Some have left my life, but others came in
Fear people will think I am stupid - Can't help what others think
Fear of being judged wrongly - Been there. Not fun.
Fear of being accused of something I did not do - Yep. Happened
Fear that I will one day hurt someone - I've definitely hurt people (not on purpose tho)
Once you survive all these fears they lose their power. Thanks Ken.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Probably my living room. Maybe my bedroom if I'm feeling lazy
Posts: 1,085
This has become my mantra in sobriety. I've never actually seen this movie, but my sponsor showed it to me after my 5th step.
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story."
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real but fear is a choice. We are all telling ourselves a story."
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
A very thought provoking post and I almost didn't want to respond as it just brings up bad thoughts. My biggest fear is that the pinnacle of my life is behind me. I was fortunate to be successful at an early age, and it went downhill from there. I fell off the mountain so to speak. I want to reach the top of that mountain again before I die.
Phoenix Rising Again
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 3,079
I'm afraid of not being able to make up for the time I lost while I was drunk.
I've lost friends and rightfully so. I've been able to keep one or two but I've reconnected to folks that I've known from my past.
I left a job but it gave me the ability to get sober.
I'm scared that I'm not going to have the ability to realize some lifelong dreams. The truth is though, the thought that keeps me going sometimes, is that I'm sober now. I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.
Thanks, Ken. <hugs>
I've lost friends and rightfully so. I've been able to keep one or two but I've reconnected to folks that I've known from my past.
I left a job but it gave me the ability to get sober.
I'm scared that I'm not going to have the ability to realize some lifelong dreams. The truth is though, the thought that keeps me going sometimes, is that I'm sober now. I can do ANYTHING I put my mind to.
Thanks, Ken. <hugs>
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I've managed to beat so many of the fears thankfully.
But I still have a couple. that eat me up.
fear of loosing my job (tho i cant stand my job and loosing it would be a blessing in disguise and I could make due some how)
fear of one of my kids getting terminally ill or hurt etc..
fear of not having enough money
those 3 are left on my list. some days i conquer them some days they conquer me *sigh*
But I still have a couple. that eat me up.
fear of loosing my job (tho i cant stand my job and loosing it would be a blessing in disguise and I could make due some how)
fear of one of my kids getting terminally ill or hurt etc..
fear of not having enough money
those 3 are left on my list. some days i conquer them some days they conquer me *sigh*
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
thoughts , thinking , Ideas about ourselves learned from others , drummed into us from a young age, maybe ?
" Voice i hear you , but you are the echoes of a long distant past , maybe the words of someone fighting their own daemons .
I cast that voice out and choose to replace it with a healthy and nurturing one , maybe the dali lama , maybe jesus , maybe i can think of 3 more modern and relevant voices with good and encouraging voices who will recite when the negative one pops up . "
One day, maybe there are no voices , no ideas , maybe we sometimes hold onto those voices, we wonder without those people/voices who would we be ?
We often think of ourselves as an individual , in some ways this can be seen as an idea , whats so special about me ? I rely and depend upon a whole society of people , animals and vegetables , a whole lot of ideas and organisation .
If you can maybe see the idea of "I" a perception which is correct but also in another way wrong , you might also be able to see the ideas and thoughts in your own mind as true but also misperceptions .
Thich Nhat Han's talk on the diamond sutra , although long can be useful in challenging our assumptions .
Bestwishes, m
" Voice i hear you , but you are the echoes of a long distant past , maybe the words of someone fighting their own daemons .
I cast that voice out and choose to replace it with a healthy and nurturing one , maybe the dali lama , maybe jesus , maybe i can think of 3 more modern and relevant voices with good and encouraging voices who will recite when the negative one pops up . "
One day, maybe there are no voices , no ideas , maybe we sometimes hold onto those voices, we wonder without those people/voices who would we be ?
We often think of ourselves as an individual , in some ways this can be seen as an idea , whats so special about me ? I rely and depend upon a whole society of people , animals and vegetables , a whole lot of ideas and organisation .
If you can maybe see the idea of "I" a perception which is correct but also in another way wrong , you might also be able to see the ideas and thoughts in your own mind as true but also misperceptions .
Thich Nhat Han's talk on the diamond sutra , although long can be useful in challenging our assumptions .
Bestwishes, m
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
"Be present as the watcher of your mind — of your thoughts and emotions as well as your reactions in various situations. Be at least as interested in your reactions as in the situation or person that causes you to react. Notice also how often your attention is in the past or future. Don’t judge or analyze what you observe. Watch the thought, feel the emotion, observe the reaction. Don’t make a personal problem out of them. You will then feel something more powerful than any of those things that you observe: the still, observing presence itself behind the content of your mind, the silent watcher." - Eckhart Tolle
More Tolle, this time a Q & A: http://spinninglobe.net/spinninglobe...hapter2now.htm
More Tolle, this time a Q & A: http://spinninglobe.net/spinninglobe...hapter2now.htm
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