Katie1985

I'm sitting in my bed closing out day 16 of my sobriety and a wave of grief and some resentment washed over me.
I was just thinking about not being able to drink again and that I can't drink like a normal person and suddenly felt really bummed out like I'm missing out. Then I got scared that having an urge will cloud my judgment and I'll drink again and be disappointed with myself. The good thing is that I'm gonna be able to ride it out as I plan to go to sleep soon and when I wake up in the morning I know my perspective will have shifted.
But I'm feeling resentment- resentment that my friends can drink, annoyed that I have to deal with this. I just need to vent. I'm also jealous/annoyed with my roommate/friend- but also concerned about her. I came home tonight (noticing this happens about twice a week) and found an empty bottle of champagne in the trash. Alcohol doesn't seem to negatively affect her like it does me. A few years back she went through problem drinking and actually got fired from it. In recent years though she seems to have more of a handle on things but it does concern me that she's drinking a whole bottle of champagne by herself in one night. She's a close friend and is supportive of my sobriety but I get confused/annoyed/concerned all at the same time because I can't discern if she too has a drinking problem and I also actually feel like it's none of my business. And I'm resentful that she can drink and be ok.
If I drank a whole bottle of champagne I would likely binge eat after then go to sleep then wake up in the morning with a hangover. I'd feel physically awful, guilty, disappointed in myself, and also scared that I had gained weight from eating too much. But it doesn't seem to impact her which baffles me.
Actually just writing that out was helpful in reminding me why I can't drink.
Extra support would be helpful!

Wastinglife

Well, if she got fired due to her drinking, the that would count as a pretty negative consequence. Drinking a bottle of champagne alone is also a red flag. I've been fired and have drank champagne bottles alone too. I am an alcoholic and that is alcoholic behaviour.

Maybe you two could join forces and help each other stay sober?

mech

Hangood in there. I am 12 now. I keep finding reasons to never again. And I have been through he'll these last 12. I don't care how others can drink. I know I can't. I have been around a friend of mine that can drink. I am glad I am not doing that anymore

notgonnastoptry

I feel resentment, too. Just take one day at a time. In IOP therapy, we learned about mindfulness. That is, you just think about not drinking today, in the here and now. Don't focus on the future and the what ifs, about Xmas, holidays you celebrate and stuff. It is too overwhelming. I used to read posts on here about people not even missing it. I never thought people were lying, I just couldn't imagine feeling that way. I've had some very stressful episodes in the last 3 weeks (i've only been sober for about 6 or 7), and as much as I wanted to want to drink, I couldn't bring myself to do it.

the resentment, I get. I wish I could just have one drink and enjoy it normally.

Good luck.

Dee74

All those feelings are pretty normal Katie

Over time I moved from feeling I was missing out... to feeling I was experiencing something valuable that other people weren't.

It takes time but you'll get there

have you checked out the Class of August support thread at all?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...art-3-a-3.html

D

Soberwolf

Have you tried urgesurfing

Katie1985

I just read about it right now after your suggestion. Thank you! I'm going to practice this.

blueberry2015

I think resentment and remorse is all part of our recovery I know I too have experienced that too, the resentment that I cant drink like other people has gone now... ive accepted that Im an alcoholic I cant drink like normal people... fact! I still get waves of regret and remorse for my actions whilst drinking whereby I end up in tears... Im soon to embark on counselling specfically focused on alcoholism, I know I need to work through these feelings so that I can come to peace with them, I think this is vital for me in my recovery. Good job on day 16 x You know what tho Katie, you need to focus soley on your own recovery and not be concerned about your housemate, I know thats hard when your eyes are wide open and you can see her perhaps abusing alcohol, but its down to her and her alone, if she thinks she has a drinking problem she needs to see it for herself. Your sobreity may make her think about her own drinking or then again it may not. You need to be a little selfish here and concentrate on yourself... your sobreity is waaaaay more important than other peoples problems. I was told this by someone in AA that our recovery takes priority over everything else.