Serper2014

To be fair I was 2 weeks sober at the time, but only 100 hours of nicotine free. However, my explosion from nicotine related anger was too much ( I attribute it specifically to nicotine because I'm normally an intelligent, calm,cool rational person) I pride myself in saying that I rarely experience stress/anger. But it was too much and I acted like a jerk. I can't blame her for leaving. The big book of AA talks about a spiritual experience that "rescues" the hopeless. I'm an atheist. I'm not sure what I experienced in going through this experience. However I know that somehow attributes were instilled in my consciousness. Those attributes are and I will take the time to expand on them here. "Confidence". I'm a good person, I know what I bring to the table in a relationship or a friendship or a business venture. My alcoholism no longer makes me feel guilty, irrationally, for believing that I am less than I actually am. "No fear" For some reason... I'm not afraid of sobriety anymore. I'm not afraid of withdrawal...this is key because I stayed drunk for so long for fear of withdrawal. While that is not an issue anymore, (what really is the issue is maintaining sobriety) I'm not afraid of that either. I'm not afraid of being alone. I'm not afraid of working hard for my doctorate degree. Which to be fair has caused stress that ultimately led me to drinking. "Willpower" This one is tough because different schools of thought argue what willpower means. In some sense AA suggests that you don't have willpower, AVRT suggests that with knowledge it's only a matter of recognizing the willpower you possess. I don't know which is true, probably both, depending on the person. But for me it means that, every strength I have outside of resisting drink I will be able to tap into, to further push drink to the dirt. "Rationality" I pride myself in being rational. Drink ruins that. If I smash my finger with a hammer and it hurts, the rational mind says "don't ever do that again, you are causing damage" alcohol ruins even the most rational mind....and regaining rational composure is key in order to say what many of people with long time sobriety say "Drinking doesn't fix anything" That is a completely rational idea, but for some reason it escapes me, has escaped me, escapes some of us.... in many ways alcoholism is a disease in our rational thinking. "intelligence" It's a fact that our group contains, on average, more intelligent people, than the general population. There is a reason for that-- people that have a problem with drinking on average... are able to escape the detriments that excessive drinking provides. But it's only for a time... without abstinence, alcohol will outsmart the smartest individual... this is a flaw in our neurobiology and not in the individual... and I've recognized this.... so my new found intelligence recognizes this.... So yeah I'm single 26 and have a promising career. I have a problem with drinking. I'm not new to these forums, but I've also realized that it's not just about me. It's about all of us.... we need to beat this problem using any means necessary. I won't reveal the date that I quit.... because honestly I've quit so many times whats the difference.... But I will say that, as an atheist I had a spiritual experience tonight that makes today day 1. Day one of RECOVERY. Day 1 of giving back to you all for your excessive help. Day one of being apart of this community, and my real world community. I love all of you for listening--- and I hope that my words can provide a beacon of light for those still suffering--- and I hope to get advice from longtimers that my provide me with advice to keep this sobriety train rolling

-Serper

Bellamiaa

The definition of willpower : the faculty by which a person decides on and initiates action.

The definition alone makes me think we all have willpower by just being here, posting or reading. We just have to be strong and keep it alive so to speak
xo

Dee74

Welcome back Serper.

I was a great thinker...but I couldn't think myself out of my addiction.

Just don't drink, no matter what worked for me...never forget that you hold the reins, not those thoughts in your head.

You can absolutely 'not drink'....it's not easy by any means but it's not impossible either.

'Not drinking' day by day week by week got me out of square one, and to a place where I could begin to think about who sober me was and what I wanted my life to be like.

D

Soberwolf

Build a plan Serper it SO helps

MythOfSisyphus

I'm glad you're back for another try, Serper!

Serper2014

Thanks Dee

thomas11

Hi Serper, good for you. Wishing you the very best.

Anna

Welcome back, Serper. I'm glad you're feeling spiritually positive.