1dayaddatime

Here I go again with a controversial thread......... So I'm wrapping up my 14th day of being sober and I feel great now that the withdrawals are all but gone. And what I mean by that is the cravings still come and go. I've learned that if you dwell on the cravings, the shakes and s**t will come back, so don't dwell...... Anyway, of the 14 days I've been here and stayed sober I've noticed quite a few have joined seeking support for "cutting back" to moderation with little to no support at all. So my question is, is there a forum for those looking for support in moderation, or is SR just for complete sobriety/alcohol free? And if not, why? This question is for staff as well. I can see how if someone is strong enough to cut back drinking to healthy moderation, and keep it there, they're just as strong as the ones that quit drinking altogether. I mean, most of us would love to be able to cut to healthy moderation, but we are physically, and mentally unable but what about those that can, and still seek our support. Just a thought, and if there is a forum for moderation, accept my apology, and I stand corrected.
"1dayaddatime"

sugarbear1

If you are here, there is probably no real moderation for us....meaning, if alcohol is a problem, it's a problem.

If you can't live without drinking, there is definitely a problem. Moderation won't change that. Alcoholism is progressive and it wants us drunk.....

Binge drinking was added to the DSM V under "Alcoholism" (the medical book of diagnosis)

If you can moderate, you wouldn't be on here!

Icewater15

I know that I can't moderate. It seems for most of us that came to sober recovery.com looking for support, we aren't able to moderate. Any talk of moderation is just our addiction talking and we will be back here after a blackout binge, arrest, or a destroyed relationship.

Why is moderation a good thing?

missunhappy

This! its why I keep ending back up on this forum. I've tried too many times now to moderate and its just not possible. Its hard to accept, but its the plain reality.

zerothehero

You might find this article helpful: Alcohol abstinence vs. moderation - Harvard Health

For me, decades of attempting moderation convinced me that my only viable option was abstinence. People attempt moderation and if they are successful they don't need support. Apparently, counselors sometimes suggest moderation as a stepping stone to abstinence knowing full well that attempts at moderation will prove the need for abstinence.

1dayaddatime

I just edited this thread. I can't moderate at all! I own that. I posted this thread for those attempting to and looking for direction and support.

Fly N Buy

Those who can indeed moderate don't need support to do so. They just do it.

I am curious why twice in two days you feel compelled to bring this up for "others?? "

Hope you're focused on your program and maybe not what others who may want to still drink are worried about........

Congrat's on two weeks - nice!

TroyW

The reason you won't get much support for moderation here is because so many people have tried, and continuously failed. They've always went back to drinking just as much, if not more than they previously did.

Having said that, I'm currently basically moderating. Since Aug 2nd, there were 5 nights I drank a few beers, and that's it. My end goal is still to take alcohol completely off the table though, but I've been trying since March, and have realized that going from 1L whiskey/day to abstinence is too much of a shock for me, and I end up cracking, and picking up whiskey again.

Whereas this way, is kind of slowly moving myself into abstinence without that sudden shock. At least that's how I see it. Think of it as a long-term taper. Have to warn you though, it's VERY hard. Simply because if you maintain abstinence your cravings will slowly dissipate, but if you allow yourself a few drinks here and there, then the cravings are always strong and at the forefront of your mind, so you're constantly battling them.

So if you're going to try moderating, make sure you remain mindful about what you're doing and what's acceptable, and ensure you have the will power to battle cravings virtually 24x7, as that's what will happen. And if you begin to give into the cravings too much, you'll go right back to daily / binge drinking in no time.

Delfin

I for one am really glad there are no mixed messages as far as moderation on this website. If even one person out of a million members were told that moderation was a great idea for them, my AV would grab on to that and run with it. Selfish of me? Maybe. But I need to be selfish in order to save my life.
If somebody has ended up here it's because they were concerned about their drinking. I'D bet that normal drinkers who don't need recovery don't end up at a recovery website.

Delfin

1dayaddatime

Thanks buy! We're not just on SR to help and support others, but we're placed on this earth to help and support one another as well, right?

esinger

There are forums just not on this site. If you can use Google you can find one. Seems that most here (myself included) have dabbled with moderation but with little success. Not suggesting that it's impossible cause I know that not to be true for everyone. For me it would be a dangerous, stressful, waste of energy trying to regulate consumption of a substance that I abused to a point close to total personal ruin. Much easier just to abstain in my personal experience.

D122y

Moderation turned into a binge every 3 to 30 days. (hello brain damage)

My wife drinks 1 drink....goes a week or a month..,has 1 drink...that is super for her.

That was never ever me....sobriety is for people like me...

Boozing was fun, until I started to die...I hate booze now. I was dying from it.

Lance40

Moderation isn't sustainable in the long-term for an alcoholic. Alcoholism is progressive, so people who successfully moderate either aren't alcoholics or they haven't yet progressed past moderation. Past behaviour is the best indicator of future behaviour, so if you drank progressively or were out of control in the past, that's where you're most likely to end up again.

I get a strong sense that most people here at SR have progressed past moderation, and like me the pleasure train hit the end of the line. People have been suspended, fired, fined, arrested, rejected, dumped, divorced, humiliated, embarrassed and caused a world of hurt and pain to themselves and those nearest and dearest to them. To go back to alcohol is akin to returning to wallow in raw sewage or eat our own vomit.

As time goes by and as cravings fade and we begin to get a better handle on our life, it is easy to think that we've entered a new phase as a stronger, more wise person who has matured to a level and dealt with life issues to the point that a return to alcohol use is a possibility. It's a lie, a delusion; and at that point you've got to sit yourself down and ask some really pointed questions and give your commitment to your life and your sobriety a really hard think.

I had to do just that this weekend. I was out of town visiting friends and as the evening progressed and the fine wine flowed there was a lot of mirth, laughter and good times. In all of that there was this moment where having just one glass of wine seemed like a completely reasonable thing to do. In fact, this whole idea of life long sobriety started to seem a bit ridiculous and unnatural. As I sat there and took myself to task for what was happening, I realized that I didn't want just one glass of wine. I wanted a feeling, a buzz; I wanted that pleasure hook. And then I realized that once I got there all bets were off, and I knew where it would end up.

That's the real face of addiction, and that's why moderation will never work.

leviathan

When I started acknowledging the real problems brought on by my drinking style, moderation was an option I thought of. Since I had committed to being honest (at least with myself at first) I questioned WHY moderation was attractive. Was it the wonderful taste of alcoholic beverages? Was it the image I was used to wearing (dude with beer in hand)? Was it the, yet unexplored stigma of being a non drinker?

Nope...it was the effect. And the effect I'm after takes about 8 consecutive drinks. Less just makes me sleepy and grumpy. I never tolerated teasing well.

Assuming that there are successful once alcoholic moderate drinkers, I would bet anything that successful abstinates are much more content on average.

I only have one issue to think of in a drinking environment: do I continue this path that has revolutionized my life and made me a better man in every way, or pick up again for some b.s. reason based on personal fiction? That's usually a quick decision now that I have PRACTICE. -No counting. No math. No rationing. No teasing. No slips. No regret.

Madruski

What is moderation?

2 beers a week turns into 3

3 turns into 5

5 turns into 7

Then it turns into 3 on Monday( break because its "moderation" ) 3 on Thursday

And then a night out drinking on Friday (because your moderating)

Sunday is just a tiny recovery six pack and I PROMISE Monday is gonna be better because iam moderating (yeah right)

Before you even realize your drinking every day again.

Dee74

Everyone likes to think that maybe they can moderate.

Moderation took two decades from me and nearly killed me, 1day,
It would be irresponsible of me not to share that.

I can't make anyone else do anything...but if someone asks me it is a good idea to play on the freeway, I have to tell them that, honestly, no it's not.

I'd like to think that everyone here gets support though - even if the response is not what they want to hear.

D

Muunray

Moderation is me grasping for straws. It never stays moderate. It found me on the kitchen floor this Friday eyes rolled back in my head and frothing at the mouth, going to ER, etc. The next day, my poor boyfriend who witnessed it all, asked me how drinking was working for me.
I have never heard of a successful moderation...not saying there isn't, but for most, it's just a matter of time before there ya go again.

MelindaFlowers

We are here because we could not moderate our drinking.

Dee74

I had to sit a spell in order to respond appropriately as a member of staff.

I know you're new but I think you'd be surprised at how few people (out of literally tens if not hundreds of 1000s) I've seen here who claim lasting success with moderation.

If we started a moderation forum here, I would have to stand down as mod, because I don't believe that drinkers like me can successfully moderate.

I'd go farther and say that promoting moderation here would be like enabling people to die the long slow painful and lonely death of addiction.

We're a recovery board here.
Drinking more alcohol is not a solution and its not recovery - it's part of addiction.

If that sounds close minded or discriminatory to you then so be it - I dunno what else to tell you, 1day.

There are moderation sites and forums out there, if that's what anyone is looking for.

Moderation is big business cause it speaks to the great wish of the addicted to find a way to drink (or use) without any negative consequences.

I think it's snake oil.

Dee
Moderator
SR

DitzyDandelion

For me moderation feels like lighting a fuse. I may not be sure when I light it just how long it is but sooner or later there is going to be a big nasty explosion and I will be left clearing up the mess.