countrysidegirl

hello all

trying to keep this short ..

the beginning born September 1984

various good years and bad years {my real mum, mother parents sexually abused me as they did her for a number of years } my mother was also abused by these two persons who were her biological parents } me and her left me age 9 } she met a man ** not my real farther} name Andy]
left age 9 all was okay for a while ** if you could ignor my mothers various suicide attempts and beatings of me and her ] lets if I can fast forward time

THE TEENAGE YEARS
went into care age 11 due to a neighbour complaining of shouting {one of particular incident of me crying had black legs {I had took a beating so hard my legs were black } I went into care

several years went by I developed an eating disorder known ask bulimia nervosa where I was exercising 16 miles of running a week if not more ...... lost a lot of weight

THE FUTURE

at age 16 I met my current partner who is 12 years older than myself

still a bulimic I met him at this tender age and began a relationship

at 17 fell pregnant all of the above ceased

THEN IT ALL WENT WRONG

when my son was born I sank into a dark depression I received the bare minimum if ANY SUPPORT when I couldn't cope with my sons crying no more I lashed out and threw a bowl which could have hit him thank fully it didn't {I called my helper at the time }

they came and placed him in temporary foster care , it went t court, he was placed with my partners parents , sadly his dad has since died ogf lung cancer I still see my son regulary

I became pregnant at 19 I was told due the history {sexual. mental. physical abuse } that if I chose to keep this baby then it would also be taken

so I did as was told took various medications to abort the child only to be told after bleeding etc that the prodecure was wrong and that after various cramps etc was still pregnant I was soon put to sleep ......I don't want to go on as this is meant to be breift

MY PRESENT

I WAS AND STILL AM VERY FITNESS MAD

during my young and pregnant years and thereafter been a keen swimmer , fell runner and cyclist but I am also AN ALCOHOLIC I SEEK ALCOHOL and still do even though I know that unless I seek help ** I HAVE TRIED AA VARIOUS TIMES } I WILL DIE I have come to this forum in the hope I will finally gain the help I need to find PEACE WHICH SO MANY OF US SEEK FEW OF US FIND

MUCH LOVE CHARLOTTE XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

trachemys

Charlotte, there is no way to not be an alcoholic.

You can NOT drink.

PurpleKnight

Time to draw a line in the sand Charlotte on your drinking!!

Anna

Charlotte, I hope you are ready to stop drinking. You will be able to find peace in your life.

bexxed

Hugs. There's a lot of support here. I have also struggled with an eating disorder and understand how entangled alcoholism and anorexia/bulimia is.

CaseyW

Welcome back, countrysidegirl. Congrats on deciding to try and live a new, better, easier way of life in recovery. I highly suggest joining and actively participating in the Class of August 2015 thread found on this same forum. It's a great way to learn from and help others who are also in early recovery.

Wishing you the best today and hope to see you posting here often...

saoutchik

Hi countrysidegirl,

You have been through enough physical and emotional trauma to justify your drinking but I hope, really hope, you can quit drinking for good and not be a victim of those people that abused you.

As others have said there is a lot of support and advice on SR so do use them.

Wishing you all the best

Marcher13

Charlotte there is a lot of support here at SR to help you move forward.

Dee74

Welcome back Charlotte - you absolutely can stop drinking - and have a great sober life into the bargain

D

FarToGo

Sending lots of love and compassion to you. You've survived far more than most folk can even imagine, there's a lot strength there for sure. I hope you can draw on it now and I really wish a better future for you.
xx

Soberwolf

You can make today a day 1

countrysidegirl

Hi all , I.have booked an appointment with cue doc the emergency doctor in the UK to see about my mental health, today is day one and I hope a new start for me , thanks for all your support mwah xxxxxxx

DitzyDandelion

Big hugs sweetie. You have had a tough time but you can do this. We are all here. We got ya back.

Foolsgold186

Wishing you well Charlotte. You can do this.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Surrender and acceptance are two words that I live by these days. I know I am an alcoholic and I can't pick up. This is making the difference in my recovery this time.

I hope you will choose to make this your day 1.

A sober World is a great World... you just need to give it time and work on recovery. One day at a time countrygirl.

ZetaP38

Hi, Charlotte ~

Many of us have 'problems other than alcohol' when we begin the sober journey.

A resource I found helpful for healing in the early days of sobriety was "Pandora's Aquarium".

public: wonderful threads - Pandora's Aquarium

I used AA recovery guidelines in that I used that spot for a safe place to put things so I could read it when it came back through, looking for clues. "What I say is what *I* most need to hear."

Did you ever get to the 5th Step in AA? That is where I found amazing clarity for myself and 'the bitter root', and then others who follow the 'bitter root' and do things that hurt others.

Please give AA another go....nothings changes if nothing changes when it comes to alcoholism.

I once met an older gentleman who shared that he had tried AA 7 times before he 'got it'. Another guy said, "Sir, if you don't mind my asking, how long have you been sober this time?" He said, "Thirty-two years."

I vowed in that moment that if I didn't make it in AA the first time, I would never give up. Every aspect of AA can be inspiration for others.

We care, but only you can take the measures that will Heal the pain.

Hoping you find the courage to seek Healing in sobriety,

PJ

biminiblue

You have it in you to heal your life.

Stopping drinking and other compulsive behaviors is possible - you don't have to be held hostage to your thoughts.

Good job for making this Day One.

thomas11

Hi Charlotte, I'm certainly no expert but I think acceptance is important. Accept the fact that your upbringing was much more difficult than most, accept that alcohol only provides short term relief, accept the fact that you can achieve many things in sobriety. Wishing you well.

countrysidegirl

Hi all , had my medication reviewed and finally been honest with my gp and placed on a home detox and on diazapam for a week , on day two and finally eaten something after four days , done the washing , beautiful day here in Cumbria uk, going to have a bath and will pop on here daily , I.know I'm not on my own ,lots of love to you all

Charlotte xxxxx

ItWillBeWorthIt

On congratulations on Day 2 countrygirl. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Take it one minute, one hour and one day at a time and you will feel better as the days start stacking up.

Glad to hear you were able to eat. Hopefully, you will be able to get down lots of water, it is so good for you body.