Tired functioning alcoholic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 2
Tired functioning alcoholic
I'm here because I'm tired. Tired of drinking every day, of wanting to hide, of wanting to make it all stop. I'm tired of being tired.
Sorry for the dramatic entrance :-) The reason I'm here is that I know I need to stop drinking. I've done it before, so why is this time so difficult? More importantly, why is there a "this time"? Booze is my escape and my jail at the same time. I'm a functioning alcoholic, I go to work and do my best, I come home and make dinner, do laundry, watch tv - you know, all the usual stuff normal people do. The only difference is that I do all that while I drink. I know I am blessed in so many ways, but yet I feel like I need to go down the rabbit hole so I can shut off my brain and just focus on doing the bare minimum. I know it's very selfish of me, and yet I continue. Every morning I want to quit, but every evening I don't.
When I'm off booze, my brain is so clear it's scary. I have energy, I have drive, I'm quite charming - or so I've been told - and being sober is quite beautiful, really. So why don't I? When did I become such a coward.
Thanks for listening.
Sorry for the dramatic entrance :-) The reason I'm here is that I know I need to stop drinking. I've done it before, so why is this time so difficult? More importantly, why is there a "this time"? Booze is my escape and my jail at the same time. I'm a functioning alcoholic, I go to work and do my best, I come home and make dinner, do laundry, watch tv - you know, all the usual stuff normal people do. The only difference is that I do all that while I drink. I know I am blessed in so many ways, but yet I feel like I need to go down the rabbit hole so I can shut off my brain and just focus on doing the bare minimum. I know it's very selfish of me, and yet I continue. Every morning I want to quit, but every evening I don't.
When I'm off booze, my brain is so clear it's scary. I have energy, I have drive, I'm quite charming - or so I've been told - and being sober is quite beautiful, really. So why don't I? When did I become such a coward.
Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum Camtn!! 
I found addiction to be a real thing, the reasons for Sobriety may seem like a logical way forward and I had all the intentions in the world but addiction would counteract it all and make drinking a good idea no matter the consequences.
But we can beat addiction, it is possible, with the right plan, the right support, not simply good intentions and wishful thinking, will power alone never got me far, in a similar way I'd be quitting each morning but by evening I'd be stopping off at the liquor store once again.
You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!
I found addiction to be a real thing, the reasons for Sobriety may seem like a logical way forward and I had all the intentions in the world but addiction would counteract it all and make drinking a good idea no matter the consequences.
But we can beat addiction, it is possible, with the right plan, the right support, not simply good intentions and wishful thinking, will power alone never got me far, in a similar way I'd be quitting each morning but by evening I'd be stopping off at the liquor store once again.
You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Well I'm not going to give you any deep spiritual insights, but most of us As go through some soul searching and questioning before we get to the point where we can stop drinking altogether. I knew for a long time that i had to do something, but giving up our prop is a scary prospect.
A couple of things helped me: I did some research online about the long-term effects of drinking, and that scared me a lot, especially as I'm of an age group where consequences catch up with you. Another step was to talk to my doctor. It felt honest to tell someone how much I was drinking.
Your motivations might be different, but why not remind yourself what they are? The good things you look forward to, and the destructive influence drinking has on you. Don't wait for a big epiphany which may not come, but work hard at your motivation.
A couple of things helped me: I did some research online about the long-term effects of drinking, and that scared me a lot, especially as I'm of an age group where consequences catch up with you. Another step was to talk to my doctor. It felt honest to tell someone how much I was drinking.
Your motivations might be different, but why not remind yourself what they are? The good things you look forward to, and the destructive influence drinking has on you. Don't wait for a big epiphany which may not come, but work hard at your motivation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: minnesota
Posts: 272
Wow, this could be me....to a T. I am trying to get sober again right now too. I incorporate alcohol into my life like weaving a thread into a cloth...it owns me right now and i want to be done so bad. i sleep 10 hours a night and still take a nap during the day because i am so worn down by drugs/alcohol. and i, too, remember all the energy and drive i had while sober, and why i choose to give that up for drinking and using? its a freaking mystery. if i could have the mindset all day long that i have in the morning, i could stop. its like mid-day the obsession kicks in and i am off and using/drinking. nothing to stop me...and then the remorse and depression in the AM. i dont use/drink a huge quantity, just "enough" to get the job done, so no one knows realizes how bad it is for me, though....anyway, you are not alone, you've got a friend and ally in me and others here. keep posting and i will too? thanks!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 2
Thank you everyone for encouraging words. Opening up is tough, especially when you've never admitted to a fault. Might as well go big or go home :-) Putting this in writing is me admitting that I have a problem. Maybe, just maybe this could be my first step on the right road? Thank you for being here for all of us newcomers.
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