rachelle77

Bexxed, this is a relationship of more than a few years. I used to go out and drink with this person, now that is no longer how it is. I agree with the others too.

rachelle77

Stephendu, that is a great suggestion. Thank you.

And to all, I know that all I can do is the next right thing. For me that is continuing to work on my sobriety. I don't necessarily need a cheering section from someone who doesn't understand alcoholism firsthand, like my partner, but I also bristled at hearing someone say out loud the negative things my AV has tried to use to get me to drink again. I know my partner is entitled to his feelings, and that my partner has every reason not to trust that this time sobriety will stick for me.

I thank you all for your replies and sharing your encouragement and experience.

rachelle77

And I do think my frustration and anger at him had to do with him expressing those feelings when I was trying to express my frustration with a behavior that he was doing. I don't think playing a tit-for-tat game is healthy and that's what I thought his motivation for saying that was. This isn't the first time I've felt like he's deflected the argument away from his behavior to mine, and it gets very frustrating and tiresome. That is why I mentioned my questioning if this is someone who is good for me to be in a relationship with. Of course I love him deeply and want this to work out, but I also must take care of myself and my needs too.

Thanks for reading all of this crazy yammering. I know that all of us, normies included, are just trying to do the best we all can.

BigShoe

Been impressed with your comments on other threads. You come across as intelligent, thoughtful, and compassionate. You got this

rachelle77

Thank you, BigShoe. I couldn't have been called intelligent, thoughtful, or compassionate while I was drinking. Well, I would've thought myself intelligent, but any observer could quickly point out that my drinking was harmful to both myself, innocent bystanders, and those that I loved, which isn't a very intelligent move after all, now is it? Thanks again for your reply.

PurpleKnight

I definitely lost some people when it came to trust, but the vast majority I won over eventually, when I repeatedly started to show up to things like weddings, birthdays and had my 2nd Xmas/New Years completely Sober, people could see I was in this for the long haul.

Then there were those that were still cynical or would prefer me to continue to drink, but they're in the minority and as time has gone on I don't think or worry about them too much, god forbid someone should make a change in their lives and want to improve themselves.

We need to find confidence in our own decision to be Sober, and those that can't see that, that's their problem and not worth the time worrying about, we know we're making it happen and that's the important thing.

Hang in there Rachelle, focus on your Sobriety and everything else will take care of itself!!

ladybug77

When I first quit drinking my family's reaction was "yeah. right"

That was 3 yrs and almost 5 months ago

Sounds like you have excellent self-awareness of your issues, which is a big part of recovery. Hang in there and trust your gut instincts as to the relationship.

As someone said above, "Your SR family will stand shoulder to shoulder with you on your journey" or something like that lol

Anyway, awesome job on the 4 months

rachelle77

Agreed, Purpleknight.

rachelle77

Thank you, ladybug77.

Stellar job on your 3 years and almost 5 months!

bexxed

Ahh, in that case, so do I.

UnixBer

That's a really basic and mundane reaction of people, especially of people who have no idea of chemistry, the brain or addictions. It is an ignorant comment, because the truth is that anyone really can get sober if they really want it.

Sometimes support systems are needed, and SR is one good such, plenty of understanding people here. Addicts, alcoholics.

How to handle these comments? I would personally just ignore them. No use getting emotionally involved with it, still I know, it is so insensitive and disrespectful when those people don't understand what the stakes and situtations are.

rachelle77

UnixBer, it's true that he does not fully understand the stakes of what staying sober means for me. That being said, I do! And really, that's all that matters. I am the only one that can do something to change my situation, so I am working on it one day at a time. Thank you for your reply.